hey its Riaz Meghji, founder of the Every Conversation Counts platform and 17-year
television broadcaster this is the channel that helps you make deeper
connections ask the questions that create breakthrough moments and become a
captivating storyteller on every stage and now for the three scariest words in
the English language can we talk think about what just went
through your head those three words probably took you to that cringe-worthy
place where you had to relay some bad news break up with someone or maybe deal
with letting someone go but get this if the difficult conversations actually
happen consider yourself lucky the leadership training company vital smarts
did all kinds of research and found that one in four people have been putting off
uncomfortable conversations for at least six months one in ten have done the same
for a year and another one in ten have kept quiet about uneasy issues for over
two years add it all up and we see important
interactions just aren't happening difficult conversations can be
uncomfortable avoiding them is worse the next time you are faced with the need to
deliver a tough truth and setup dodging the situation face it head-on and
consider these five steps to help you overcome the conflict number one they
can handle the truth research from Brigham Young University proved that
when it comes to receiving bad news for the most part people prefer directness
over someone trying to ease the burden with a drawn out softball opening how
many times have we experienced that the direct is best discovery was especially
notable with social relationships the I'm breaking up with you or you're fired
conversations introduced a quick buffer like can we talk this will provide a
couple of seconds for the other side to process that some tough news is coming
address them with a respectful greeting the reason for the meeting and then get
straight to the point number two when we're relaying bad news the common trap
we fall into is we get caught up in our own experience of how difficult it is to
share tough news and how scary in my for us to witness their emotional
reaction how do we get over this be assertively empathetic and identify with
their experience not just yours well you've been carrying around the burden
of deciding when and how you will drop your truth bomb remember your impact
will be a fresh wound for the other side consider framing the approach like this
listen first logic second and we talked all about how to be a better listener in
a previous video on this channel which will help you out in this scenario they
could have an intense emotional reaction just listen maybe they say nothing just
listen the silence can be profound and if the silence persists then lean in
with follow-up questions without associating any blame for example you
could ask them tell me about the struggle you're experiencing and just
keep the questioning neutral now they have questions for you make sure you
understand what they are asking and acknowledge their concern questions like
can you elaborate on that can you help me better understand your question you
really want clarity when it comes to contentious issues cultivating authentic
curiosity beforehand completely valuable to anticipate the other side's concerns
considering their personal reality their job or business prospects any major life
events happening for them this form of assertive empathy will show respect and
allow you to answer their questions thoughtfully and help deescalate
conflict remember anything you say after you reveal something tough may very well
be forgotten as their mind is focused on processing the news you just shared
people want to be seen heard and respected so allow them to do just that
and stop talking keep in mind difficult conversations
rarely go as planned the best thing you can do lead with assertive empathy and
just listen this next tip will be tough for all of you people pleasers out there
let go of being light this is one of the most common reasons that difficult
conversations get avoided even if you come into the conversation with respect
and a positive intense research out of the Harvard Business Review proves when
we receive bad news we shoot the messenger lucky you given we all
have a powerful need to make sense of the events happening to us a key part of
creating an explanation of an unexpected experience is assigning blame but
leadership isn't about comfort it's about effective action managing
this expectation of likability will help you avoid taking things personally and
keep you focused on the end goal of your conversation number four you cannot
control the emotions and feelings of others you can only own your emotions we
are the managers of our emotions and thinking about that feeling when things
get heated the words we can mistakenly throw out you always you never nothing
ever goes right everything is a mess these broad generalizations are
destructive to achieving any productive outcome oh now I mentioned this before
on this channel stay clear of those two dangerous words that can obliterate any
momentum you've built in the conversation calm down for more on that
check out the video on this channel on overcoming conflict well what can we do
a 2013 study titled conflict management difficult conversations with difficult
people this was done by researchers at the University of Wisconsin it looked at
how to create a safe space when getting into an argument there keep finding the
use of I statements so if you receive bad news consider this when you're
getting worked up and the emotions are starting to get out of control I'm
feeling angry I'm feeling frustrated I'm feeling defeated
instead of you make me feel once we get into the blame game that creates a
hostile dynamic we want to avoid and let's be real if you are sharing bad
news you're most likely going to get a heightened emotional response but don't
try to talk them out of being bothered only your emotions and just listen and
if you go first and give them respect chances are you'll get some of that back
in return number 5 focus on mutual agreements the
biggest challenge in every conversation for the most part everybody thinks they
are right before I got married years ago some
valuable advice I received was do you want to be right or do you want to be in
a relationship to this day it's a powerful reminder of how to approach any
difficult conversation and for the record my wife is a lawyer so I'll stick
with being in a relationship this is where logic comes in if we enter the
conversation with openness a clear goal and an interest a sincere interest in
solving the problem at hand chaos can create powerful connection there is
always common ground and you can find it by working through their responses
asking them what's the real challenge what would it take for this to work for
you what does your ideal scenario look like once you hear their concerns you
can start finding ways to improve the process the project or personal
relationship and do that together people want to feel a sense of belonging if you
can lead with the truth acknowledge their concern and be assertively
empathetic the difficult conversation can help you both conquer the conflict
in front of you now it's your turn hit me up in the comment section below and
share your success stories of when you have to handle the difficult
conversation and you got to a positive outcome would love to learn what worked
for you for more ideas in building human connection you can download the free
guide at the 5 secrets to making every conversation counts you can find the
link for that guide in the description below thanks for watching this video for
more ideas on how you can have better conversations and become a better
listener check out these videos if you like this one hit the like button hit
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