Hi, guys! It's Hi Haylee...
and welcome to my new cooking show...
"Sizzlin' with Hi Haylee!"
Episode 1: The Sizzle.
Today we are going to be making an omelette...
but I like to make mine without the yolks...
because as you all know, I'm vegan.
First, we're gonna cut up our carrots.
Cut the pubes off our carrots and then we move on to our kale.
Don't-- hey, let's not-- don't use the word "pubes".
I mean, what el--
Cause we don't-- this could be--
I'm sorry.
Some people that are watching this probably don't ha--.
Kevin, what does this look like to you?
Looks like a pube.
It looks like a pube.
Hey, what are you guys doin'?
Uh, can you--
Really?
You're getting in our shot. Wait, can you just--
What do you mean, our--
Jeremy, get out, we're shooting.
Wait, no, who are you? Who are you? Who are you?
I'm directing the sizzle here.
What's your name?
Uh, my name is Jeremy. I'm the director here.
Oh, you're Jeremy! Oh yeah, let's-- let's cut.
Alright, let's cut, guys.
Let's go ahead and cut.
Oh my God!
Hey man, how's it goin'? This is a little awkward.
I, um--
I'm fillin' in for you. My name is Kevin.
Filling in for-- where did this come from? I'm sorry.
Skyy has asked me to come in and just fill in on a few scenes.
Fill in--
Some talking heads--.
'Cause I'm directing the show.
Some B-roll.
What about my show?!
Dude, honestly, take a hint. This came from the top down.
I'm sorry, you're a sound guy.
You're supposed to be, uh, recording sound...
not making sounds.
I'm sorry, this is not just any sound guy. This is Travis.
He did the sound on "Moonlight" so--
Travis you're incredible.
I've never heard of that movie.
Open your eyes, bitch!
You are not the director anymore!
Meet Kevin, he looks exactly like you...
but he's ten times better, dude!
Okay, so I could go home?
Jeremy, per Skyy's request, he's asked me to ask you...
if you could stay in the house for the remainder...
of the shoot
with me as the director.
Is that a yes?
No, I didn't even agree to shoot this fucking show...
in the first place.
Hold on. Can I just get a-- it's not for this...
can I just get a clean "yes"?
Where's Skyy?
Are you even a good director?
Do you know how this works?
Yes! Hell yes!
Okay, we got that.
[HAYLEE] Cut.
There we go.
What? No, I didn't agree to it.
Dude, get out of here!
What?
There we go.
Is this a dream?
Um... yeah so, um, I guess I'm just one of the housemates now.
Um, I feel like somebody's just taken me and like threw me...
through the fourth wall and then closed it behind me...
and now I'm just stuck in-- in this.
Today we're gonna be making a vegan omelette with two ah!
Hey, Haylee,
fuck you!
Ha-ha-ha-ha!
You suck at cooking!
What up, Zackers?
Don't forget to check out Hi Haylee's cooking channel
on YouTube!
Hope you're not hungry 'cause your food tastes like shit!
Seriously, ruin her in the comments.
Make her cry.
It's just so...
smart.
What up, ya'll? It's your boy, Zack Jake.
I am here with Caroline.
Hey, everybody, what's up?
Keep it down.
We are outside of Cody Clark's mom's condo.
No!
Come on.
Ay! Mrs. Clark! Say wassup.
Hi! How do you know my name?
No!
We're actually good friends of your son's.
Oh, you are?!
Yeah!
Guys, get in here!
[MRS. CLARK] Who are you, sweetie?
[CAROLINE] Oh, I'm Caroline.
What's up, my man?
Oh, you're so pretty. Look at her, you're so--.
Oh damn, we're in Cody's house.
Yeah.
It's like I'm Cody.
It's like you're my mom.
Oh.. well....
Is that your real house?
Yes!
That's your real mom?
No oh, you think it's an actress?
There on set? Wow.
I don't think I--
You could never replace my boy,
but you're cute.
But I will.
You're not her boy! I'm her boy!
Let it out. Let it out. Yell at the computer out loud.
I'm her beautiful baby boy, not you!
[DRONEZ] That's right, yell it out.
This is his gaming room.
So this is where he plays Madden, right here.
Yeah, sure.
And uh, the lizard is in the other room.
Do you wanna see Drake?
Oooh.
Drake is his lizard.
Yeah.
I was just about to feed him.
No, that's my that's my lizard!
I hate Zack Jake so much.
You just saw the first installment of...
#Zack'sTakedownTuesdays.
Hi Cody.
He searched for your house,
found it,
went there...
and is talking to your mom?
Yeah, I mean my address is on my website, so it's pretty easy.
It's really incredible branding.
Yeah, it's not gonna be incredible branding...
when he does one of you.
Jeremy, why are you right here right now?
Um, well,
I think I lost my job this morning...
and I'm pretty sure I'm not the director anymore.
Yeah we we know that.
Yeah, we kinda knew that, dude.
What do you mean?
Pretty sure you were never the director, so--
Skyy told us, alright?
Told you what?
From an artistic standpoint, Jeremy is an awful filmmaker...
but as a person, he also fucking sucks.
This is felony on top of felony.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I could put 'em all away for the rest of their life.
I'm pretty sure this whole thing is kidnapping, quite frankly.
I'm not allowed to leave at all.
Everybody, shut up.
Maybe Zack Jake
is bad?
Yes.
Wow, yeah. Mm-hm.
You know I'm really glad you figured that out.
And I've been sayin' some stuff...
and you hadn't been pickin' it up, but--
Alright, you know what, guys?
Everyone's getting' real heated, alright? This is just noise.
Let's all have a sip of Guelagetza, alright?
Absolutely not.
And I'm gonna make everyone and omelette...
and uh, we gon' vibe out. Feta, spinach, tomato, peppers. Ha-ha.
What the fuck is goin' on with Dose?
I don't know, dude. He's had like nine Gooligetzees today.
Yeah, that drink is like having a very positive effect...
on him, I've noticed.
But for me, I'm coughing up blood for most of the day.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
Ooh. Oops. Haha.
No, but really. Oh, there you go. Oh yeah!
Hi, it's Hi Haylee.
Um... I'm like really struggling in this house.
It's it's been a terrible fucking experience.
I'm like, they're poisoning us with like shit water.
I think there might be real shit in this water...
that I have to drink and that Zack Jake guy is a psychopath.
Um... hey, guys.
Um, as you might've noticed lately, um...
things here aren't great.
Zack Jake is a fraud.
He's not my mom's beautiful baby boy.
I'm my mom's beautiful baby boy.
This is really bad.
People are asking if I'm doing okay and I'm not.
I'm losin' my mind in here.
I need help.
Ay, what's good, ya'll? It's your boy, Lil Dose.
I started drinkin', uh, this drink.
It's called Guelagetza, uh, and truly I have never been...
more clear of mind, sound of heart, and strong...
like physically I feel like I could leap buildings.
What up, Zackers?!
Ay, it's your boy, here with another Takedown Tuesday.
What's good?! What's good?!
Today's victim is no other than my boy Dronez.
( MAKES AIRHORN SOUND )
What up, Dronez?
Found a couple little snippets, a few tracks of Dronez, uh...
before he had found himself... musically.
You gotta see for yourself. He sounds like an asshole.
( COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING )
You know, I'm not happy it went down the way it did...
'cause someone exploiting you is a very upsetting situation...
to be in, so, no thank you, you motherfucker.
You know, from my own side, maybe this was a good thing...
for me, because Dronez Jackson is a name...
I haven't thought about in a long time.
It's my country name.
Unlike Dronez, I got hot shit comin' out left and right.
New merch alert!
( MAKES AIRHORN SOUND )
Like and subscribe.
He's goin' down, man.
I don't know, man. I like it.
I like it a lot.
I mean, I like the video too, alright, but I would've liked...
to have released it on my own accord...
not some soft boy puttin' my shit out.
I don't know, man. I feel like this soft boy is pushing you...
pushing you to a place that you were maybe afraid to go alone.
I was in a fog but the sun is rising, right?
And the temperature is rising and that fog is dispelling...
and it's a clear new day...
Guelagetza.
And speakin' of that, it's a clear, new Dose.
Did you know that we didn't know about the Olmec civilization...
until a century ago?
Incredible.
Man, I'm telling you right now, that Zack Jake is sorry...
for what he has done and is taking time to figure out...
how he is going to make it up to us...
and to the world and to his fans, he regrets this.
He just fucked my world up, Dose.
The only way I can do something against that...
is to fuck his world up.
But his world is your world.
You know what I mean?
Nah, you lost me right there.
It's all out war.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
His whole house looks like it's wired to the brim...
and you know what, I got access to everything.
I don't care about anything but taking down Zack Jake.
I'm goin' for it, man.
I'ma livestream the whole thing.
What up, Zackers?
Today bringing you another installment of
Takedown Tuesdays.
Our special guest today, Hi Haylee.
I did some diggin', little bit of research...
and Hi Haylee doesn't exactly look like she used to.
Behind all that makeup, check out who she really is.
( EERIE MUSIC PLAYING )
Haylee, it's not that bad.
Listen, Hi Haylee, I'm not tryna blow up your spot...
but I am gonna take your sponsors.
How'd they get those photos?!
Did he hire the guy that did the celebrity nudes?
Because that would've been good for me!
Nudes would've been fine!
That shit is just oh, I need the Breathe app.
I'm scared too, okay?
I don't-- I don't know if I'm cute anymore.
I just don't know-- he can't do this.
I've got it.
I'm gonna post
a no-makeup selfie.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
And I'm gonna unfollow everyone except for Arby's...
because they have the meats...
and they're paying me a lot of money right now.
And Verizon, I'm gonna keep following Verizon.
They have incredible coverage.
The best coverage.
And, and, and, and I'm gonna take it one step further.
I'm gonna go big with it. I'm gonna delete all my posts!
Oh my God. I--.
All of them! Gone! Out the window!
Oh my God, everything you're saying right now...
is resonating with me so hard.
You can be the change you wish to see in the world, too.
How?
You don't have to be a sexy, little boy anymore.
I don't have to be 14 years old?
No, 'cause-- 'cause you're not.
Haylee, wh--
don't say stuff like that.
You're-- you're just-- you're just not.
Haylee, come on.
I'm 14.
I know it, the whole house knows it...
Skyy knows it, everyone knows it.
You've been 14 for over ten years.
Your time is up.
It's time to become a man.
Can I be a sexy man?
Of course.
Today, for the first time, I felt sorry for Cody Clark.
I can't believe that just came out of my mouth.
We're gonna take you from boyhood to fuckin' manhood.
To manhood?
You're gonna upgrade from tank tops to to button-ups, dude.
I'm gonna show my boyfriends and girlfriends my manhood.
You're gonna change them into wives and husbands.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Hands in.
We're connecting right now.
I love I love this, I you know.
I guess you could say
Haylee's my girlfriend.
And not girlfriend like my fans...
but girlfriend as in like
my wife.
( KNOCK ON DOOR )
Get out of my room!
Knock, knock. Who's there? Oh, it's just my roommate.
I'm sorry, that was a lot.
Cody, let me break this down in a way you can understand.
When I get back, we're gonna have a discussion...
about boundaries, alright?
Dose, I'm not a boy anymore! Come back!
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Door open.
What up, Zack Nation?!
We are live once again with--
hater house.
You guys are fuckin' stupid.
Sorry, Zack Nation. We are live at the hater house...
for another edition of #TakedownTuesdays.
And this time, my victim is no other than Lil Dose.
Now, many of you know Lil Dose as someone who fancies himself..
a tough guy, but it turns out... where you from, Lil Dose?
Yeah,
Carlsbad!
What do you have to say about that, Dose?
You're live on the internet!
Well, uh, the truth is that I am from Carlsbad...
went to Costa High School...
actually I wanna take a second give a shout out to Mr. Wells.
Uh, Mr. Wells, you might not know this, but um...
when I was young I lost, uh, my father.
I think that was really hard for me, figuring out my way...
as a man, especially in the African American community...
and I think you really stepped up and kinda filled...
the emptiness that had been left there, um, and in a lot...
of ways inspired me to push myself and try and do things...
that maybe I wouldn't have done otherwise, especially music...
and um, I don't think-- I don't think I ever took a moment...
to tell you that so... thank you, Mr. Wells, truly.
Uh, damn, Zack.
That was cathartic as fuck, dude. Thank you so much.
I appreciate that.
Anyway,
Guelagetza.
Keep it premium.
I don't know what he was talking about but...
ding, dong, ditch, bitch!
This morning I realized a bunch of shit.
Maybe Zack Jake isn't the best.
Learning that was super fuckin' hard...
but I feel like I've made it to the other side...
and I'm ready to start this new journey...
without makeup on.
Two things happened today.
One, everybody thought I was a boy, but now...
I'm gonna show everybody my manhood.
I'm nothing at this point, so just--
it's all gone.
This is Jeremy signing off...
forever.
It's official, in 12 hours, Zack Jake will wish...
he was never on the internet again.
His home
is now gonna be blown
up.
After cleanin' into every room in the house...
and also catchin' up with all of my family members...
including my extended family, I was able to find time...
to make a new music video that really aligns...
with my new musical stylin's and also includes...
my favorite new water supplement,
Guelagetza.
( MUSIC PLAYING )
♪ Away away ♪