BUT BUTT LET'S MOVE FROM BOBBY JINDAL TO A MORE POPULAR
REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE.
BEN CARSON.
YES, NOW, BEN CARSON ISN'T EXACTLY A POLITICIAN.
AND HE HIMSELF SAYS HE DOESN'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT POLITICS BUT HE
DOES HAVE A PLAN FOR HOW TO BE A GOOD PRESIDENT.
>> I THINK THE PEOPLE WHO DO THE BEST ARE THE ONES WHO KNOW HOW
TO UTILIZE EXPERTS AROUND THEM.
>> Trevor: WELL, THAT MAKES SENSE.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING IF YOU CAN JUST
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH EXPERTS.
THERE'S JUST ONE PROBLEM-- THE EXPERTS BEN CARSON SURROUNDS
HIMSELF WITH THINK THAT HE'S AN IDIOT.
>> BEN CARSON UNDER FIRE AFTER REPORTS HE'S FAILING ON FOREIGN
POLICY.
>> A "NEW YORK TIMES" ARTICLE QUOTES ONE OF HIS NATIONAL
SECURITY ADVISERS AS SAYING CARSON CAN'T GET ONE IOTA OF
INTELLIGENT INFORMATION ABOUT THE MIDDLE EAST, AND NEEDED
WEEKLY BRIEFINGS ON FOREIGN POLICY SO "WE CAN MAKE HIM
SMART."
( LAUGHTER )
>> Trevor: WELL, THAT'S JUST OBVIOUS, PEOPLE.
OF COURSE, BEN CARSON'S ADVISERS CAN'T MAKE HIM SMART.
YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIS BRAIN.
THAT'S A JOB FOR A NEUROSURGEON.
( LAUGHTER )
IT'S THE SAME WAY YOURN BARBER ALWAYS HAS A ( BLEEP ) HAIRCUT.
THAT'S HOW IT GOES.
MAYBE YOU'RE SURPRISED THAT THE GUY WHO THINKS THE GRAIN SILOS
MIGHT NOT BE THAT SMART ABOUT FOREIGN AFFAIRS.
LET'S NOT JUST TAKE HIS ADVISER'S WORD FOR IT.
LETS JUDGE FOR OURSELVES.
>> CARSON WAS ASKED ON FOX NEWS WHO HE'D CALL FIRST IF THE PARIS
ATTACKS HAPPENED ON HIS WATCH.
HE REFUSED TO ANSWER THREE TIMES.
>> WHO WOULD YOU CALL FIRST?
BUT WHO WOULD YOU CALL FIRST SPECIFICALLY?
CAN YOU TELL US WHO YOU WOULD CALL FIRST, SIR, ON THE
INTERNATIONAL SCENE?
>> Trevor: GHOSTBUSTERS!
COME ON!
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
EVERYBODY KNOWS THE RIGHT ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION!
YOU COULD GO TO ANY AFRICAN COUNTRY AND ASK A LITTLE KID,
"WHO YOU GONNA CALL?" HE'D BE LIKE, "GHOSTBUSTERS.
AND UNICEF.
I'M HUNGRY."
( LAUGHTER )
SO HE HAS NO PLAN FOR WAR.
THE QUESTION IS DOES CARSON HAVE A PLAN FOR PEACE.
>> DR. BEN CARSON SAID I DON'T HAVE ANY PROBLEM WITH THE
PALESTINIANS HAVING A STATE, BUT DOES IT NEED TO BE WITHIN THE
CONFIEWNS OF ISRAELI TERRITORY?
IS THAT NECESSARY OR CAN YOU SORT OF SLIP THAT AREA DOWN INTO
EGYPT?
( LAUGHING )
>> Trevor: CAN'T YOU JUST SLIP IT INTO EGYPT?
LIKE, WHO DOES BEN CARSON THINK-- HE THINKING THE
EGYPTIANS WON'T NOTICE HIM JUST WALKING IN WITH PALESTINIANS.
THIS IS INSANE.
AT THIS RATE I WOULDN'T BE SHOCKED TO FIND OUT BEN CARSON
THE GAZA STRIP WAS A TITTY BAR IN VEGAS.
NOW THE ADVISERS CALLING BEN CARSON STUPID IS NO JOKE.
HE'S A MAN NAMED BEN CARSON WITH 60 YEARS OF FOREIGN POLICY
EXPERIENCE INCLUDING A SHADY TIME AT THE C.I.A.
AND NOW HE RUNS A PRIVATE INTELLIGENCE AGENCY.
IT IS SHOW SHADOWY.
IT'S CALLED THE ECLIPSE GROUP.
IT'S THE SHADIEST BUSINESS IN THE YELLOW PAGES, RIGHT ABOVE
SKULDUGGERY SYSTEMS LIMITED, AND CASUAL-IN-WHITE-WITH-HANDS-IN-
POCKETS L.L.C.
ACCORDING TO THE "NEW YORK TIMES," THIS GUY HAS BEEN
ADVISING BEN CARSON ON THE DEBATES AND NOW HE'S TALKING
TRASH ABOUT CARSON.
WOW.
I HOPE HE'S WEARING A BELT BUCKLE.
BECAUSE HERE COME THE KNIVES.
>> WELL, THIS IS YOUR OWN ADVISER, MR. CLARRIDGE, SAYING
IN HIS WORDS YOU NEED WEEKLY BRIEFINGS, IN HIS WORDS, "TO
MAKE YOU SMART."
ONE OF YOUR OTHER PEOPLE--
>> HE'S NOT MY ADVISER.
HE IS NOT MY ADVISER.
OH, OH, THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
THIS GUY IS NOT HIS ADVISER.
QUESTION ANSWERED.
SO, SO WHAT IS HE THEN?
>> HE IS A PERSON WHO HAS COME IN ON A COUPLE OF OUR SESSIONS
TO OFFER HIS OPINIONS ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON.
( LAUGHTER )
>> Trevor: SO AN ADVISER?
YOU KNOW, THIS GUY ISN'T MY DRUG DEALER.
HE'S JUST A MAN WHO COMES TO MY APARTMENT AND SHARES HIS COCAINE
AFTER I PAY HIM.
"I DON'T THINK OF MYSELF AS A SURGEON.
I'M JUST A GUY PEOPLE PAY TO STAB THEIR BRAIN UNTIL THEY'RE
HEALTHY."
( LAUGHTER )
AND THE CRAZIEST THING IS THE CARSON CAMPAIGN DIDN'T JUST
DISTANCE THEMSELVES FROM CLARRIDGE.
THEY DID IT IN A PRETTY DICKISH WAY.
>> THE CARSON CAMPAIGN SAID OF CLARRIDGE,"HE IS COMING TO THE
END OF A LONG CAREER SERVING OUR COUNTRY.
HE IS CLEARLY NOT ONE OF CARSON'S TOP ADVISERS. FOR
THE "NEW YORK TIMES" TO TAKE VICTIM OF AN ELDERLY GENTLEMAN
AND USE HIM AS A FOIL FOR GOOD JOURNALISTIC PRACTICES."
>> Trevor: I LOVE HOW THEY DID THAT TO THE NEW YORK TIMES.
WHAT WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT ABOUT THIS SENILE OLD
MAN "NEW YORK TIMES"?
THESE GUYS ARE HEARTLESS.
I DON'T UDERSTAND HOW IT GOT TO THIS.
FOR MORE ON THIS WE GO TO SENIOR POLITICAL ANALYST, JESSICA
WILLIAMS, EVERYBODY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
JESS, AFTER A TWO-YEAR RELATIONSHIP, NOT ONLY IS CARSON
ACTING LIKE HE DOESN'T KNOW CLARRIDGE.
HE'S ALSO CALLING HIM A SENILE OLD MAN.
>> IT'S NOT SO COMPLICATED, TREVOR.
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS IN A BREAKUP.
WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.
YOU MEET SOMEBODY.
YOU HIT IT OFF.
YOU START GETTING REALLY CLOSE AND ONE OF YOU SAYS, "HEY, MAYBE
I COULD BE IN YOUR CABINET ONE DAY."
AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW YOU'RE PICKING OUT COUNTRIES TO
INVADE TOGETHER.
>> Trevor: THAT MAKES A LOT OF SENSE, JESSICA.
BUT WHY ARE THEY AIRING THEIR DIRTY LAUNDRY IN PUBLIC?
>> ALL IT TAKES IS ONE FIGHT AND THE HE TELLS EVERYONE YOU
DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE WORLD AND YOU'RE HELPLESS
WITHOUT THEM.
AND THEN HE'S LIKE , OH, REALLY?
YOU NEVER MEANT ANYTHING WITH ME ANYWAY.
AND TECHNICALLY WE WEREN'T EVEN TOGETHER.
SO...
>> Trevor: JESS, ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT BEN CARSON?
>> WHO THE ( BLEEP ) IS BEN CARSON?
LOOK, IF DARRYL WANTED TO BE AN ITEM, HE SHOULD HAVE SAID SO
INSTEAD OF STRINGING ME ALONG WITH LATE-NIGHT BOOTY BLASTING.
AND NOW HE'S ON FACEBOOK TALKING ABOUT HOW GREAT IT IS TO BE
SINGLE AND HOW GREAT IT IS TO BE FREE.
REALLY, DARRYL?
YOU'RE FREE RIGHT NOW.
YOU'RE GOING TO DM MY BEST FRIEND DAYS AFTER WE BROKE UP
EVEN AFTER THE HIKE IN THE CATSKILLS TODAY.
I DID A THREE-MILE HIKE.
I HAD GRANOLA FOR LUNCH AND THAT'S NOT A ( BLEEP ) LUNCH.
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE A HAND FULL OF THAT GRANOLA AND SHOVE IT UP
YOUR ASS, BRO.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU, EVERYONE, THANK YOU, BYE.
( APPLAUSE )
>> Trevor: THANK YOU, JESSICA, FOR THAT REPORT ON BEN CARSON.
JESSICA WILLIAMS, EVERYONE!