[Dies Irae]
[Wilhelm Scream]
[Dies Irae]
There are few things today that make the common man more angry than modern art
and I think perhaps I can explain why.
I've a few times been, for instance, to the Baltic Art Gallery
which is a massive and impressive building made out of an old flour mill on the banks of the Tyne here in Newcastle
Well, actually it's on the Gateshead side
And more than once, more than a few times
I've heard someone say something very similar to:
"I think I'd better leave now, before I get really angry."
You see, the people were just, frankly, insulted by what they saw there
Now, I went to an art exhibition in the castle in Ljubliana in Slovenia, a year or two ago
And there was this programme and I kept it and it's just amazing
And, as you can see, there are two pages of text
But don't worry, I'm not going to read out the whole thing
But, you're just going to have to take my word for it that it's all like this
I'm just going to read, just this bit here, just a couple of paragraphs
And, it's difficult to imagine, I know, that all of it is like this
But trust me, it's ALL like this
Brace yourself
I'll probably mispronounce his name
"Mirsad Begic is a master sculptor, in every sense of the word"
Even though its two words
"His approach towards sculpture is versatile, monumental and vital as he manifests his experiences
And artistic notions in a unique, artistic language
We are confronted by a persuasive observer who pours out his inner feelings and his personal world views
which reflect the deeper questions about human existence.
Being
is the closest thing,
but closeness is most distant, to Man.
To transform remoteness into closeness is the task of art.
To change absence into presence in a way which never reveals its finality.
His sculptural installations seem like some sacred worlds from the hereafter.
The art is eternal and surpasses human life.
It is endless but it can only exist through and because of the living.
As great works of art exceed the lifespan of their makers, likewise the spirit surpasses the material body.
To this artist, sculpture is a constant interweaving of life and death in which art doesn't end with death
but offers a timeless experience of an aesthetic sublimation of Eros and Thanatos"
Yeah
It really is all like that
But I'm going to spare you any more
Now
I imagine, after I read that, that you are just bursting with curiosity to know:
What?
What was this astounding piece of art with which I was priviliged to be confronted
In that tower, in that castle in Slovenia that time
Well, I can tell you
I took a couple of still photographs of it because I was just quite amazed
Yep
It was
Almost literally
A pile of dung
I say almost literally
It didn't actually smell like dung, but it definitely looked like dung
It was this brown, gungy
[Fart Noise]
With hay and hair and stuff in it
And it was just sort of blobbed down on some cheap crumpled plastic sheeting
And it didn't seem to have any shape or pattern, or anything to recommend it to anyone
And frankly I was just insulted
You know, not only was it praised to the rafters in the text
But it made absolutely no attempt to be understood
It made no attempt to please me
And that is insulting
That makes you angry
Imagine you've thrown a party
It's a costume party
And you have a theme
Ancient Gods of Egypt for instance
And loads of people come to your party
And your parties are famous for being really really good
And there's a very high standard of costume
And one person just turns up in jeans and T-shirt
And when comments are made on this
He just doesn't care
Well, you know, he didn't make an effort
And that's sort of an insult to the host
And the host had gone to a huge amount of effort and expense to throw this massive party
To which this guy has been invited free
He's not been charged
And he makes no effort at all
He just says:
I'm not interested in all this, you know, Egyptian stuff"
Well, if you're not, don't go to the party
You know?
Don't put on an art exhibition
In this sacred, special space
An art gallery
As soon as you put something in an art gallery
It says to the viewer:
"This is special. This is good stuff. Look at this. This is worth looking at. It's special. It's art."
And then you look at it and you say:
"Well they've gone to no effort"
What we are impressed by is effort and skill
And we also quite like
People who try to please us
So: Effort, skill and an attempt
An apparent attempt at least
To please
And all of these things are missing in a very great amount of modern art
If you look at the welds on something that's been welded together
They're often really bad welds
You think:
"Well this person just learnt the craft of welding very well"
A lot of painters
You can see their brushwork's rubbish
And if you interogate them on this
They'll say something like:
"Ah, yeah. It's not about that though. It's not about, you know, getting the brushwork just right"
Well, learn your craft
If I do a Lindy hop dance
And I just haven't bothered to learn the steps
Well, I'm not going to impress anyone
And if I don't put a bit of pizzazz into it
And: "Hey everyone, I'm here to entertain you"
No one's going to want to watch me
If I just dance as though I don't give a monkey's
What the audience thinks of it
Then the audience is going to be insulted
As I am insulted
And lots of other people are insulted when they go into an art gallery
And see a pile of dung
It makes no attempt to be understood
It makes no attempt to be pretty
There's no craftsmanship
You don't look at it and think:
"Wow! That's really impressive."
And there's no evidence that it took any amount of time either
Now there's an Australian artist called, I may be saying this wrongly, Ron Mueck
And even now, the art establishment is really snooty about him
But the public loves his stuff
Now he used to be in special effects in movies
He used to make prosthetics for horror films and that sort of thing.
Little puppets as well. He worked on Labyrinth I think
And he makes these amazingly realistic sculptures out of wax and so forth
And you look at them and instantly you can tell two things:
One: that must have taken flipping ages to do
You look at a leg on a human figure that he's done and every single hair has been placed into the skin
On someone's leg
"Wow! Look at all the hairs. That's amazing. That must have taken absolutely ages
And you step back and the skin tones are so convincing
It's so lifelike there's a huge amount of effort
And a huge amount of skill has gone into that
And so the public likes that sort of stuff
The public looks at those sculptures and thinks:
"Wow! That's good. I like that. At last, I've found something worth looking at.
Worth travelling some distance to see in an art gallery
But of course, the art establishment
"Oh no, no"
They don't like that sort of stuff because
I don't know
Skill went into it