Coming up next on the passion struck podcast smartphones are helpful and when used correctly
have their purpose right now You're likely listening to this podcast on your smartphone,
but they also have the potential to negatively impact our lives and our human connection.
Welcome to passion struck.
Hi, I'm your host, John R. Miles and on the show we decipher the secrets, tips and guidance
of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical advice for you
and those around you.
Our mission is to help you unlock the power of intentionality so that you can become the
best version of yourself if you're new to the show.
I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays.
We have long form interviews the rest of the week with guests ranging from astronauts to
authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists, military leaders, visionaries and athletes.
Now let's go out there and become passion struck.
You're waiting for an elevator the doors slide open, you enter and they close as the elevator
begins its descent you notice that another person is in the elevator taking this ride
with you a silence soon grows uncomfortable pop quiz What's your go to move a stare blankly
ahead B initiate a vocal greeting see get on your smartphone D briefly look over to
the other person and make eye contact.
If your answer is C, you're like most of us, our attention is always on our smartphones
and glued to the digital world.
We have become a society where we avoid real conversation or even eye contact with other
people and technology in the applications it powers makes it easier than ever to avoid
human to human contact with anyone.
In fact, a 2019 study found that when we meet people in public places our phones can support
us from even exchanging brief smiles because technology is becoming ubiquitous and entwined
in our modern existence.
We are losing our ability to have profound spontaneous conversations with others who
are around us this is changing the nature of our social interactions in alarming ways.
The social effects of our smartphones are altering the role of conversation in our everyday
lives impacting our capacity for empathy, introspection, creativity, and intimacy.
In today's episode, I will explore why smartphones and digital addiction are killing conversations
as well as human to human connections that we need to feel fulfilled.
I'll start by talking about a personal experience that I had earlier today.
I will then discuss why smartphones are negatively impacting our connections and five ways that
you can break free from digital addiction earlier this morning, I stopped by a coffee
shop I had just completed a fantastic energizing 6am spin class and was still covered in sweat.
Forgive me I love to get in these early morning workouts because I start the day full of new
ideas and an intentional desire to do substantial work after I shower of course and a passion
for helping people via my minor contributions.
As I stood in line to get the coffee I tripped up an exciting new concept for solo episode
after receiving my coffee.
I sat at a nearby table to check my emails as I did so I noticed a young man sitting
at a table nearby he was dressed as a typical entrepreneur with a T shirt, a pair of shorts,
we live in Florida so it's still hot here as well as what we all wear in Florida flip
flops when instead of working on his computer or phone he was reading a book by Robin Sharma
who just happens to be one of my favorite authors.
I found it very intriguing.
And so I said good morning.
He looked up and was gracious enough to respond back the same I told him I had just recently
finished reading the everyday hero manifesto that he was reading.
I also told him I had the privilege of interviewing Robin Sharma about it a couple of weeks ago
for an upcoming episode of the podcast.
His face lit up and we spoke he told me how much he enjoyed reading Robin Sharma and how
much Robins advice impacted his life.
He asked me about Robins influence on my life and we ended up discussing what Robin and
I cover in our interview.
He then spoke about his trials and tribulations growing up as a young man in this fast paced
digital world that surrounds us.
I told them I also had a son approximately his age who was struggling with many of the
same things that are impacting him.
Young man then went on to speak about his family and shared some of his early entrepreneurial
disappointments as well as his resolve to succeed.
I told him that I've been coaching entrepreneurs for over two decades, including the founders
of now three unicorns and gave him my brief history.
We talked for another few minutes about the trials and tribulations that go hand in hand
with starting any new business, the joys that come with success and the need for grit and
staying the course through the valleys that come along with its peaks.
Initially, I'm embarrassed to say I almost didn't speak with him.
I sensed that he was just another overly confident, arrogant and conceited young man who thought
he already knew more than me.
But looking back at myself when I was his age, I also possess many of these same traits.
And in this case, my initial gut reaction proved to absolutely be false.
All I know is that I must not judge someone by their appearance, and I must put down my
phone more often to have conversations with others who will help me to improve.
So how does that story relate to you the listener, I recently came across a term that I've never
heard before, called phubbing, a portmanteau of the words phone and snubbing if you're
out with a friend or your kids or your partner, and they continuously reply to messages or
phone calls or emails you are being fobbed although being on your phone may seem benign,
it can negatively impact your relationships with others because it's your quality time.
And the real problem is you don't even realize it's happening.
In some ways our devices were made to foster and maintain relationships.
They help you find friendships, let people connect with distant family and friends and
even allow you to find your match.
Still, the usage and mere presence of a smartphone during in person exchanges can reduce the
quality of those moments when someone is phubbing.
In your presence, the subconscious message that you are receiving is that their priorities
on their smartphones are more important than you.
So how do these smartphones affect our human connection?
Geneva Brown, a psychologist who studies the risks of technology on relationships said
smartphones allow us to be connected to our loved ones easily through texts and phone
calls.
But sometimes when they intrude on our face to face conversations, it can be a problem.
Browns analysis published in the journal emerging adulthood in 2016, revealed when friends use
their smartphones longer, it lessened the quality of their interactions per study discovered
that all parties had poor interactions when they were on their smartphone.
Regardless of how close they were as friends.
Another recent US study published in the Journal of human behavior and emerging technologies
had a similar finding.
The research discovered that people felt distant from their conversation partner when that
other party was on their smartphone for an unimportant reason, such as messaging friends
compared to a critical situation like a work emergency.
In other words, when you are constantly engaging with your phone, you cease engaging with those
that you are with which in turn harms the quality of your relationships.
It tells the other person that your mail a message or call is more important than they
are and takes precedence over them and that in turn makes the other person feel insignificant.
A 2015 study found that smartphone notifications alone impacted performance on attention demanding
tasks.
This event occurred even when the parties didn't directly interact with their device
during the assignment, good conversation and connection on what is occupying your time
beat interacting digitally.
Every time when we dialogue in person we engage with the other person building lasting relationships
it also ensures that what you say to the other person isn't misinterpreted.
Why the reason is straightforward.
When you interact with someone face to face, you can clearly articulate your ideas and
lessen the risk of misinterpretation.
On the other hand, smartphones impact human connection because they prevent the other
person from seeing your nonverbal behavior.
Using them means not giving your undivided attention and being fully present, which is
the most potent expression of affection as well as respect in a relationship.
Those who you care about should not have to compete with your devices or attention when
it comes to fob in your smartphones or ruining your relationships, you are effectively concentrating
on something virtual instead of real and destroying real life bonds.
So now that we've covered what phubbing is, and how smartphones are impacting our human
human connection, I want to introduce a smartphone addiction quiz to help you see if you are
actually addicted to your smartphone.
Did you realize that the average user of a smartphone touches their phone 2617 times
a day you heard that right 2617 times equating to over three hours on their phone daily.
So you may be wondering, are you a master of your smartphone?
Or is it mastering you?
I'm going to go through 10 statements and I want you to answer them as honestly as possible.
When you receive a new message alert your natural inclination.
How to check your phone.
Immediately.
You keep your smartphone by your side at all times you communicate with your friends or
family members using your device.
Even if you are in the same place such as a home restaurant, our movie theater, you
have an urge to check your device constantly.
You bring your smartphone to meals with you and often place it on the table in front of
you.
You take your smartphone with you into the bathroom or locker room, you have an impulse
to respond to messages you receive while you're driving on occasions like concerts, weddings
or other events.
You constantly want to be on your phone.
Instead of enjoying the moment you check your phone while doing mundane tasks or the second
that you are alone.
You feel anxious when you can't get to your phone or find it so now grade yourself how
many out of those 10 did you score the higher the score, the more addicted you are to your
phone one of the telltale signs of any addiction is maintaining obsessive behavior even when
that behavior causes severe negative consequences.
Research has revealed that people who overuse smartphones experience psychological and physiological
health issues including depression, anxiety, sleep problems, conflicts and relationships,
increased obesity and subpar work or academic performance.
So how do you break free from this addiction and focus more on human to human connection
I believe the journey ahead is one where interaction is not done without technology but is learning
how to live in better harmony with it.
Smartphones are helpful and when used correctly have their purpose right now you're probably
listening to this podcast on your smartphone.
But as I have discussed throughout this episode, they also have the potential to negatively
impact your life and human connection.
So how do you maintain smartphone usage in alignment with the life that you want to foster
and the relationships that you would like to build here's a list of five different ways
that I have used and have also learned from others.
The first is no smartphone occasions.
An initial step could include setting aside what I call no technology occasions these
are types of gatherings such as a meal time spent in a car family gatherings, or having
coffee with a friend make these device free and set aside for dialogue and connection
Second, set aside one day a week this is by far the most common approach I have used in
seeing others employees who have taken intentional steps to constrain their smartphone usage
habit select one day a week usually a weekend and leave your phone on the charger.
That's it make a habit of it.
Third, don't charge your phone where you sleep.
One of the most common pieces of advice that I hear from sleep experts who've been on the
show is that if you want better sleep, don't charge your phone in your room want to get
your kids off their smartphones don't allow them to charge their phones in their rooms
either many of the adverse effects of overuse such as insufficient sleep hindered connection
and intimacy and be stopped by placing your phone outside of your bedroom.
This is something that I do and it's made a huge difference.
Fourth, employ a screen fast just like intermittent fasting taking a screen fast is an effective
way to alter your habits.
How long you decide to ultimately screen fast depends entirely on your frequency of use.
I started mine with a 16 hour fast to mirror the typical fasting that I do is part of my
health and wellness routine.
This might not be practical if you have to work but the idea here is to achieve as much
avoidance as possible fifth, great rules around your daily use if you're unable to do the
screen fast.
Another trick that I have used that is less stringent is to distance yourself from your
phone day like what has worked for me is to try to not use my phone.
When I first start my day or after my workday is complete.
This means putting your phone in a place that is out of eyesight like putting it in a box
during mealtime.
The simple premise here is that if you permit your phone to be with you and all that you
do, you will be drawn to it.
However, if you can't physically get to it, you will not use it.
Brian Solis, a best selling author and expert in digital anthropology said breaking away
from digital addiction requires recognizing what truly matters to you.
Your passions, your relationships, your creative self when you engage with your family and
friends.
And all you do is constantly reach for your phone, you miss out on the kinds of conversations
where empathy is created and real intimacy blossoms so allow for those human moments
accept that life is not a steady feed and learn to savor the pace of conversation for
empathy, community and creativity.
I hope you enjoyed the show and I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in this week and
especially those who came today to listen to this episode.
I hope it served you well.
You're about to hear a preview of the Passion strike podcast interview I did with Professor
Jeremy Utley who was one of the world's is leading experts on innovation and director
of executive education at Stanford's renowned Hasso Plattner Institute of Design, otherwise
known as the D school, and we discuss his new book, which releases next week, ideal
flow, the only business metric that matters.
There are two kinds of people in this world, there's zero to one people, people like Steve
Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg, and then there's one to infinity people, people who can take
the thing that they come up with, and they can turn it into something great.
And I fundamentally disagree with that premise.
And I've said so publicly, actually, because there's really two reasons I disagree.
The first reason is cognitive.
And the second reason is empirical.
Let's put it that way.
So cognitively, the reason I disagree with the zero to one premise is that premises is
there's some people who start with nothing, and then they get to something.
And the truth is, nobody starts with nothing.
Remember, we rise by lifting others.
So share the show with those that you love and care about.
And if you found today's episode useful, and you know someone who is struggling with digital
addiction, please share it with someone who can use that advice that I gave here today.
In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show so that you can live
what you listen and until next time, live life.
passion struck