*intro music*
Jesus, what are you doing? Someone insult Selena Gomez on Twitter again? Okay- No, you know I blocked all those people... I'm on Tinder
Wait, I think you just double-booked two guys for the same night
And that third guy
And a fourth guy- Girl, what are you doing? Okay, listen! This is the first time
I'm trying online dating, and hopefully it's the last, and the more dates
I have the more likely I am to find the right guy! So, you know, just rolling several dates into one. Okay, okay, so you're...
ConsoliDATING. I see what you did there, and I liked it.
Okay now, You need to get lost, I need to go clean my washroom before these guys get here. I can't let them know I poop! Girl, you're right.
Hey
Oh, Daaaayyuum ma! You look-- Sorry, wait, which one are you again? Uhh
I'm Damian. Right! Hi! Soo nice to meet you. Yeah, have a seat inside. Oh sweet, didn't even have to buy you dinner first.
okay, this douche bag is definitely not getting any.
*Looks at said douche bag*
I mean, one of my resolutions was to be more generous, so.. Maybe.
*Second guy*
*Third guy*
*Fourth guy*
I really hope the champagne's cruelty-free. I hope it's gluten-free. I hope it's free. I'm saving up to pay for my DUI
Gentlemen, Hi. I brought you all here tonight for a chance. To win my heart. And by win my heart
I mean date for a few months until we break up because my ex got hot again on Instagram
but until then, let's get to know each other, or rather should I say, let's
consoliDATE.
Haha.. Nice word play, bro. Thank you. I thought of it myself. Tight.
So, Darrell, what do you do for a living? I'm an entrepren-our. An entrepreneur. entrepren-ear.
An entrepreneur. Entre.. entreprene..yeah, so you're on a business. I'm on a business...
Plan. Got it. So you have an idea, but you don't actually have a job
You wanna connect on LinkedIn? No.
So where do you go to school? I don't believe in the institution of
"school".. I mean..
I Prefer not to ingest government propaganda and baked history. Right.. no,
I was just asking because you're wearing a backpack on a date. I live out of my backpack
I don't really believe in the idea of
Housing.. you know, housing..
I prefer a little outside of the box
Yeah, I think my vajayjay prefers to live inside the box. I'm just going keep her in there.. Cool. Yeah..
Is it cool if I use your shower?
Go for it.
Darrell wants to connect with you on LinkedIn
Let me guess you go to the gym. No, I don't go to the gym. The gym is a lifestyle for me.
Okay, I get it. Why don't you tell me something about yourself that doesn't involve Fitness like, what's your favorite food? Protein powder?
What are some of your pet peeves? cheat days. Forget it. Why don't you ask me a question? Do you even lift, bro?
I'm really passionate about child labour, and I just... I refuse
My new iphone just buzzed... sorry.
I just got out of a five person relationship, and I Argentinian calm you
Valentine's Day was expensive
Which is why I still need money for my two alpacas.
I mean as you can see on my Twitter. I have some really strong views about saving the environment
Hey, can I get another one of these? I just *really* like my muscles.
Hey, that's not accurate! Oh..
Much better! I'm working on the following inventions headphones for a blind person, a car with two wheels, and a computer for a woman.
Wait.. did we even match?! what match? I found you home from Costco. (whut?)
I just did a post about gender equality, and if Lily chooses me, I mean, I'll let her wear anything that she wants
I'll even give her an allowance
Hey
We haven't really had a chance to connect yet. Do you mind hey? Yeah, you seem normal?
What's your deal? Do you think the earth is flat or something? Well actually, I work for NASA.
I'm an astronaut so I _know_ it's flat.
It's a joke. Um, really, I'm into comedy. I love cooking and I really want to be a dad one day
You okay? uh huh. This decision was super super
Super hard to make but unfortunately. I only have one toothbrush to give away tonight
If you get it you get to stay
But if you don't, our ship sinks here
Eric will you accept this toothbrush? Lilly, I'd be honored.
~Okay~
So, Eric. Tell me more about yourself.
What's your favorite meal to cook? How's outer space? and how many kids do you want? hmm.. well..
For starters, I'm in an open marriage
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