- That's how professional we are here.
- I love it. - [Hannah] We do the clap.
- Hand claps. - [Hannah] We do the clap.
- We're in shorts today! - [Caitlin] Yes.
- You're always in shorts.
- Look at that!
- I like to call this look my Hannah Horvath,
Lena Dunham's character, I feel like that's
what I'm channeling today.
- You're missing two stone though, that's the glory
of Hannah Horvath's look is that there's just
thigh and belly, upper arms spilling out
of the whole thing everywhere.
The thing that thrilled me about girls, because
my girls are just coming up to teenage now,
one of them is and one of them is about to be,
and I was worried about the fact that they are coming
into a world that is just rampant online pornography.
I'm not anti-pornography I'm a pro-pornography feminist.
I just believe that the bone of it is not fit for purpose.
If you're making pornography, if you're doing
some sex, then you want everybody
involved in the sex to be having fun
'cause that's all that's happening.
- Yes, all people.
- So make sure everybody's having fun in it and that's
not what happens in most modern online pornography.
A lot of it it's very abusive towards women,
it's not that female pleasure or joy.
So I was worried about the fact that my daughters are gonna
get their sexual education from online pornography.
How we gonna solve this? How we gonna change this?
How we gonna make this better for teenage girls
learning about sex from abusive online porn?
- Watch my videos! (laughing)
Shameless plug. (laughing)
- You do what you do, Lena put Girls out
and suddenly there's characters who are trying to have sex
like porn stars and realizing that doesn't work.
It's hurting, they're falling over.
- Realize I haven't introduced this at all.
- Oh right, yeah. Sorry, sorry, this is just the pre-chat.
- Hi guys! I'm here with Caitlin Moran.
Is it Cate-lin or Cat-lin? I've never gotten this.
- This is the awful thing for which I have to spend
my entire life apologizing about,
that name, spelled like that, everyone else in the world
would pronounce it correctly Cait-lin--
- Yeah, but you're Caitlin.
- But I saw it in a Jimmy Cooper novel
when I was 13 and thought, "That's the name
"that I want to be known as, I don't want
"to be Catherine Moran anymore.
"That sounds like it is not bound for glory.
"I want to name myself after this character in a
"Jimmy Cooper novel and have sex with lots of hot boys."
- Role models!
- And I presume that you pronounce it Cait-lin.
No! Cat-lin. See I don't even know! (laughs)
Oh my God. I don't even know my name.
It is Cat-lin. I am Cat-lin.
I am Cat-lin. I know that! That's the thing I know.
Your screen looks a bit skanky, man.
- Okay, so people want to know things.
A lot of people have actually been tweeting me things.
Like, do Drunk Advice, which is a series that I do on my
channel where I get drunk with a friend and then people
send us in questions that they need help with things.
- Awesome.
- And we give them the best advice humanly possible
that we can in our state, but we're not drunk right now.
- There are definitely certain drinks that make you clever.
I was telling you before that I've recently discovered
that Vermouth with soda never makes you drunk.
It sort of makes you cleverer and cleverer
and more and more left-wing.
- I'm just gonna have to make sure that the
next Drunk Advice I film is Vermouth
and soda now-- - [Caitlin] It's brilliant--
- Just to test this theory.
By the end of it you are Karl Marx,
you're just sitting there pounding the table going,
"I've come up with a new theory,
"it could take on Capitalism (mumbles)
and finally fight back against Capitalist constructs,
while still being able to walk in a straight line
and possibly drive a car.
- Oh, interesting (laughing), let's test that
in the next Drunk Advice!
I think this is the first time I've worn shorts in 2015.
- Happy shorts day, man.
- Thank you, thank you very much.
Favorite snack? - [Caitlin] Cheese.
- Favorite curse word?
- Oh "fuck." It's classic, isn't it?
But what comes out most is "balls" actually.
- Balls? Is that a swear word?
- I really enjoy big hearty balls.
Well it depends, if you say it unlively,
people seem to be down on it.
- Balls! - [Caitlin] Yes, balls!
- Mine's "cunt."
- Yeah, no I love "cunt." No, "cunt is a classic."
- It's so good and my favorite thing about the word
"cunt" is when male friends of mine go,
"You can't say cunt. You're related!"
I'm like, "I so fucking can say cunt 'cause I have a cunt!"
- Exactly. Got one, can say it.
- If God was real, what would you like to say to him
at the Pearly Gates?
- Oh God, I've got a huge list.
Where did my first four passports disappear to?
Where was my teddy bear Chrysalis?
Where did that disappear to?
It's many lost things, I just don't know where so many
things went-- [?] Why are odd socks?
Just "Why are odd socks?"
- No, exactly! Where's all the stuff?
Where's all the lost stuff?
- I lost a black bra.
- How? - [Hannah] I don't know!
- Like walking down the street?
- (laughing) Yeah. Probably!
- That's really gutsy, especially if it's a really key item.
I lost a yellow cardigan about 10 years ago
and I still miss it every day; I would be probably
a better person if I still had that cardigan.
All the tall women who were coming up
with the merchandise and stuff that we've got in,
"I'm a Feminist" t-shirts and lady sex pirate t-shirts
and one of the t-shirts that I had just pulled at the last
minute because I thought not enough people would get it
was gonna be a "Gay for Fey" t-shirt; I'm gay for Tina Fey,
so "Gay for Fey"--
- Ah yes. I'm gay for Fey--
- And I just thought maybe that is a bit too niche--
- I'm also homo for Poehler. (laughing)
That didn't quite work! I tried! I tried! (laughing)
Someone just said, "Just keep saying 'why' and eventually
"you'll find answers you're looking for."
- No, no. - [Hannah] So, why?
- No you see, that can't work because I've had children
and they go through a phase of just going "Why?".
I've got a list of all the questions that my daughter once
asked me on an hour long train journey to Birmingham.
This will tell you exactly what it's like having kids
if you want to know.
"All of Dora's Questions." Okay.
"Why are all the films from America?
"What is Britain famous for?
"Why do cartoons now look different
"to cartoons in the olden days?
"Why can't we see planets?
"Why is the moon following us?
"Why do we need petrol in the car?
"Why do you have to be over 16 to put petrol in the car?
"Why can't you use a mobile at a petrol station?
"Why can't you use matches at a petrol station?
"Why is such a bad picture of a match with fire coming
"out of it at a petrol station?
"Why is Aunty Caz learning to be a standup comedian?
"Do teachers have holiday at half term?
"How big is Birmingham? How long is each motorway?
"Which is the longest? Which is the newest?
"Why do you have to pay? How much?
"What are the names of all the motorways?
"When you drive does it make you feel tired?"
And then my favorite.
"Did I scream louder when I fell down the stairs
"or when I sat on that doll by accident?"
- Those questions, kind of like, make me really sad
that adults stop asking them, like, that just shows
that this pure curiosity and excitement of the world, like,
"What's that and how does it work and why does it work!?"
- It's that vulnerability, isn't it?
You very quickly try and construct a world for you
around stuff in your teens and your twenties
because you seem to be vulnerable, and annoying,
to keep asking questions and that's one of the problems
that you see in politics now, it seems amazing to me that
there's a political class, you bring in special advisors
that will come up for "cures" for the NHS and for education
and stuff, whereas, if the ministers were asking questions
or the people were actually working in the schools
and are there everyday with children or with patients.
They know how to fix this stuff, they've got ideas,
they know how you could make (mumbles)
or how you could save money, they know how you
would deal with a class of many immigrant children
who don't have English as their first language and the best
way that you can solve that problem
in the school to make it better for everybody involved.
But instead, they just bring in some dick from America
who's just done a couple of seminars.
- Someone just said, "Feminism. Question mark." (laughs)
- Well to which the answer is "Yes." Obviously.
- Yes. All the time everyday. Forever.
- Well there are people that go, "Why do we talk about
"feminism, why don't we just talk about egalitarian
"or equality instead?"
- I'm an equalitist.
- Yeah, well the thing is, there's some very specific
problems to do with being a woman.
I've been there all this time and feminism is the only
word that means that: dealing with problems
that women have experienced through history.
- Also, because, the "fem" in it
is that the hardships that men face
because of the patriarchy tend to be
because they can't be seen as having feminine
characteristics or attributes--
- Totally, totally. That's the key, exactly.
It's seen as a bad thing and if you look at the things that
fuck up both genders equally, the biggest cause of death
of people-- - [??] Gender Roles!
- For men under the age of 45 is suicide.
They literally--
- Mental health problems in young men because they're
told that talking about their problems and being perceived
as weak is a bad thing.
- Yeah, exactly. That emotions are bad, exactly.
Whereas, at the same time, notions of femininity
are crippling women, you feel that they have to
adhere to this perfectly plucked, perfectly presented
of the perfect state; never raising your voice,
never being disgusting.
Whenever I had to be a woman, every chapter in that book
is about a secret that women have to keep.
So menstruation, masturbation, abortion, whether you
want children, whether you don't want children,
fantasy love affairs, eating disorders, self-harm.
These are all things that women have to keep secret
and hidden and that's why we're so (mumbles),
that's why we're so on edge because these are all
things you have to hide because those are the things
that are not seen as being a normal human being.
The defaults of our idea of normalcy is still
male, straight, white male and everything to do with
being a woman is still seen as weird.
Femininity is still seen as a marginal weird concern that we
shouldn't talk about and that's 52% of the population.
- It's either weird and wrong or it's exotic.
And then you're just like, "Come on. Really?"
- Yeah, what's also really important is whenever you find
people going, "Girls don't do that.",
you add one word to that which is, "Yet."
When people go, "Girls don't do that.", and you go, "Yet."
"Girls don't say things like that, yet.
"Girls don't dress like that, yet.
"Girls don't have jokes like that, yet.
"Girls don't fuck like that, yet.
- Do you believe that there are natural,
things that you can explain with science,
differences between men and women.
- It's really--
- Or do you think it's all cultural?
- It's a really interesting thing because I've been reading
a lot about this recently because I've become really
interested in 'cause the whole trans-movement
separates feminists quite badly and I'm really interested in
learning more about it and trying to find a way of getting
feminists and trans-activists together and just go,
"We're all on the same side."
I think it's one of those things that in a hundred years,
I mean I have watched a lot of Star Trek,
I think it's one of those things that a hundred years,
that the idea that the genders were so rigidly segregated,
I knew something was a binary thing either male or female,
we'll just look back and go, "That's nuts.
"We're all the same species, this is incredible that we
"spent all this time arguing about whether people were
"right or wrong or which (mumbles)--"
- Just based on something that's in-between your legs.
There's so much power there.
- There really is. This should be the fun palace, really.
- I remember cycling once and went over one of those
very small but high speed bumps and it just went,
ahhh, right in the vagina. (laughs)
- Ask her about periods.
- Women are presumed to just be able to cope with this.
Like we're supposed to be able to just deal with it
and be matter-of-fact about it and keep it quiet
and not disturb everybody with it.
Whereas, if you flip reverse the situation, then every month
boys had a load of gravy appearing in their pants,
with no warning at all, they'd still be freaking out now.
- I don't see that as taboo, I just see
that as unused material.
So often the default for women is self-loathing, we don't
feel normal, it's like, "Well, why don't you feel normal?"
It's 'cause you live in a world that was built by men
where even the simplest, most necessary physical function
that happens to you every month that ensures
the continuation of our species, it's still taboo.
- Also, it costs money.
When we gonna get free tampons and free pads.
- Absolutely. - [Hannah] What's that about?
- My period for me is Janine.
I ever drop something, it's like, "Oh there's my period.
"Janine screwed that up."
And you know, what's happening,
you say I enjoy a hangover, I'm a little bit wounded
so I have to look after myself situation.
- Yeah, pity me. I need comfort.
- Yeah, I do need to eat lots of maltesers
whilest watching (mumbles).
- See I just kind of do that anyway. (laughs)
Now there's music!
- Yeah, this is my mix tape now. It's awesome.
(show tunes playing)
- We're at the theater.
Caitlin's about to do a show.
Which I'm about to see, I've never seen it.
- Well you're about to find out that nearly
everything I've said to you is that stuff that (mumbles)--
- I'll just laugh along, I'll pretend.
I'm like "Haaaa. So funny!"
- I've also experimented with lots of different things
during my years of having periods.
I had a moon cup for awhile,
they're quite unreliable really.
- Oh are they? All good things.
- They're like a rubber egg cup that you put up inside you
but I've had two children so it's a bit more
loosey goosey down there and very often I'd find myself
laughing and just suddenly find out I'd just laughed it out.
"Haaaaa!" Ploink! "Uhhhh?!" (laughing)
- (laughing) That's amazing!
- But if you're quite geeky and nerdy it's quite fun
because you get to see how much you bled that day
and I would get competitve with my sister and you empty
it out and go, "Seven milliliters!"
I'd ring my sister up, "I've done seven milliliters.
"How many have you done today?"
There are 3.3 billion women in the world
so there's gonna be 3.3 billion ways to be a woman,
to be a feminist, and the idea that there is a little
feminist police going (mumbles),
"You're getting being a woman wrong."
It's like, hang on.
Who else have I heard telling me
that I'm getting being a woman wrong?
Oh, yeah! It's the patriarchy.
Thanks for doing the man's job, ladies.
- One of the things that frustrates me about being
feminist and the patriarchy is when you're trying to talk
to people who don't understand what the patriarchy is
and trying to tell them that the enemy isn't men.
The enemy is this invisible structure, powers.
It's an invisible enemy. You can't touch it or see it.
But it controls the world and it's evil.
- Is it Sauron from "The Lord of the Rings"?
Is it a single angry eye in the sky?
- Oh my God. Tune.
("Hung Up" by Madonna)
Don't know if you guys can hear this.
- Madonna.
I'm gonna do my impression of her.
Okay, I'm gonna be Drake you're gonna be Madonna.
I'm gonna tilt back and you're going to get off with me.
Okay, you can just pretend but just kind of like say it.
You're gonna get off on me like that.
Then I'm Drake and I go like this.
(gasps)
So hurtful.
- Rude. I mean, at least wait!
So other than the books that you have written,
if you could've written any book,
what book would you have written?
- Either "The Diary of Adrian Mole"
or "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy", I think.
They're just two books that just changed my life.
- So one of my housemates is coming tonight
and he has never of you, or people who have no clue
who you are, what would you like them to know about you?
- I'm going to address you directly.
I would like you to know--
- That cut out! That was hilarious! (laughing)
- That was brilliant. I leaned forward and went,
"The thing you need to know about me is..."
And then it just went "card full." That was it.
Just going like, "We've had enough of you, you've
"delighted us enough, you must stop."
Well, the key thing is, if you don't know about me,
that I promise I'm never gonna come and harass you.
I'm not gonna turn up on "Have I Got New for You"
or "8 Out of 10 Cats"; I'm not gonna be at premiers
wanking on about the dress that I just borrowed
and show you my designer handbag.
- I will.
- I'm never gonna show you around my delightful house.
No, you should. You can, you got the legs for it, darling.
But I'm not, I'm gonna be quietly in the corner over here
just having fun and trying to talk about how the world
could be a better place and have a revolution.
I was saying a lot of dirty swear words.
- That's what we're gonna do when we turn this off.
- Yes! - [Hannah] I hope.
- Yes, what we've been told there's gin in the fridge.
- Heading straight there!
- So yes, you wanna come and join us in the corner
by the fridge with ginnies, come join me.
- Thank you so much for being on my channel!
- Been my pleasure! God, you've been so lovely.
It's great just being able to sit myself
and talk about feminism and the revolution--
- I know, with my butt hanging out as well.
Please give the video a thumbs up if you enjoyed it
and chat away in the comments about
feminism and the patriarchy and stuff.
(laughing) Bye!
(light happy music)