(upbeat music)
(dishes clattering) - What?
You little mutt, come back here!
Bring back my gyros.
- Hey, watch it.
- Excuse me.
Pardon me.
- Hey! - Sorry.
- Bone headed pooch!
- Uh-oh.
- Dispatch, we got a stray dog on a tube of compressed meat.
Repeat, I have a grand theft gyro in progress.
Hey!
(siren blaring)
- Huh? - Yikes.
(groaning)
- Like, slow down, dude.
(melancholy music)
- Hello, I'm Ira Glass.
Welcome to another episode of my new podcast,
"Friends, Who Needs 'Em? You Do."
This week's challenge, put yourself out there.
When the hand of friendship is offered to you, take it.
You can do it.
Now, go, make some friends.
(siren blaring) - Excuse me, comin' through.
- Dude!
- Phew.
- Make friends, check.
Nice to meet you, Shelly and Sandy.
How was your day?
Oh, you want me to start?
How polite, Sandy?
Well, I told my mom I was meeting my pals at the beach.
So if she asks, this technically counts as a play date.
But it's all good.
I like eating lunch by myself,
and hanging out by myself,
and playing ping pong by myself.
I lose a lot of balls.
(yells)
(sniffing)
I gotta warn you, it's got gummy worms, tater tots,
and ketchup leather.
I know, no liverwurst.
It's not like me to forget the protein.
Yeah, I get it.
Nobody likes my sandwiches.
Whoa.
(chomping)
Mm, is that peppercorn?
Sand.
(laughing)
There you are.
This mangy stray's done enough damage for today.
He's coming with me.
- He's not a stray!
- Is he your dog?
- He's, like, totally mine.
Do you wanna be?
- I'd like that very much.
- Okay then, what's his name?
- I don't have one.
- His name's...
Snacks! - What?
- Snacks?
- Uh, I mean, Scooby.
- Middle name?
- Dooby?
- Last name.
- Doo.
- All right.
If the dog has a middle name,
there's no punishment for damages or theft.
I don't like it, but them's the laws.
Well, have a good day, sir, Mr. Dooby Doo.
(bike clatters)
(laughing)
- I'm Norval, but everyone calls me Shaggy.
- Waggy.
(laughing)
- No, it's Shaggy.
- That's what I said, Waggy.
- We'll work on it.