It's nice to see you.
-Nice to see you. -She has not been on this show.
Arielle, you have not been on this show.
-I have not. -And, Josh, you've been on too many times.
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah. -(laughter)
-We-we begin... -Did you bring him to help us?
SPADE: Yeah, you can help these guys.
-Yeah. How? -Got it. Cool. -PELUSO: It's a bad sign
they brought the pothead to help everybody else.
-WOLF: Yeah. -Is that you?
-Is that him or you? -Both of us. -Yeah.
-Oh. -I follow you on Instagram. I know it's you.
-Yes, I do. I smoke a lot. -Oh, you do? You smoke weed?
-I enjoy the marijuana. -Okay, good for you.
-Thank you. -The marijuana?
-Yes. There's just one. -Yeah.
-The marijuana. -She's like, "It's legal now."
-Yeah. We live in California. -Yeah.
-Uh, is that a big day for you? -It's a big day.
-SPADE: Yeah. When they... -Yeah.
I-I go in there, and I was gonna try to get something
for my neck, and there's 80,000 kinds.
It is not like, "Hey, I'll take the Jack Daniel's or the..."
-WOLF: Yeah. -PELUSO: Right. -It's like, "Are you, like,
"sort of sore? Are you really sore?
"You want to sleep, but you want to wake up
in the middle of the night and go back to sleep?"
-I'm like... -WOLF: You know what?
They should start naming the weed
after what it does to you
instead of these cute little names like Very Berry.
They should name the weed after what it does to you because...
-Paralyzed. -You know what weed I wouldn't buy?
-SPADE: Paralyzed. Exactly. -Yeah. I would never buy
Gets Up Four Times to See If the Oven's On.
-Like, I hate... -(laughter)
-That's the name of the weed? -I hate that weed.
-You know? I hate that one. -(cheering and applause)
I... I...
Checks Your Pulse Eight Times.
-I hate that weed. -Oh, my God.
-"Am I alive? Am I alive?" -I hate the weed that's like,
Call Your Mom, Tell Her You're Gonna Die weed.
SPADE: Yeah.
-And then tomorrow go... -Oh, wait, that's called meth.
-Oh. Got it, got it. -(screams)
-That's not... -Do you have any?
Last time I got... I was like, "Mom, something's happening.
-Send help." -My brother used to...
Back when we used to take, uh, drugs,
uh, my brother used to get really high late at night.
We'd be at parties at, like, 3:00 in the morning,
west coast time, and he'd call my parents.
"Let's talk to Mom and Dad."
-That's what I'm saying. The worst. -And he called...
-Horrible idea. -He'd hand the phone to you,
and it's 3:00 in the morning here,
and you think you're talking to, like, the drug dealer.
You're like, "What's up, man?" It's your mom. "Honey?"
-"Oh, my God!" -I'm literally your brother.
-Yeah. -I always call my mom.
-"I need help." -When you... Is that in the mid freak-out?
Yeah, mid freak-out. I'm like, "Mom, I love you."
-"Mom, I love..." -"Mom? Mom? Am I still alive?
-Am I still alive?" -VANDENBERG: She's like, "Yes."
"I love you, dot, dot, dot. I'm a drug addict."
(laughter and applause)
It's too sweet.
All right, let's stop having fun.
There's some sad news, uh, today.
Planters peanuts announced that-- on Twitter--
that their beloved mascot, Mr. Peanut, is officially dead.
They also released... I know, it's so weird.
They released this tragic video of his final moments.
I guess they captured them.
-♪ ♪ -Look out! Oh!
-Abandon, men! -(tires screech)
-Oh! -We're too heavy.
-Oh! -♪ ♪
Hey, Mr. Peanut. No, you don't.
-No! -No!
(grunts) Maybe he'll be all right.
Maybe not.
-Wow! -(applause)
-That's how he died?! -That's a lie! That's a lie.
-Uh-uh. I-I... -What-what... (laughing) -He's falling.
But his monocle stayed on!
-I know. -Stayed on the whole time!
Let me just say, hey, Wesley Snipes' tax situation is so bad,
he is literally working for peanuts.
-Like, he... -Oh!
-SPADE: That's not bad. -(applause)
You think Wesley could've grabbed him,
-like Fast & the Furious, you know? -Yes. Helped him.
-I heard he died busting a nut, but I guess not. -Oh!
(groaning, chuckling)
I-I have to say, when I was growing up,
I thought Mr. Peanut was super classy,
-'cause he had a top hat and a monocle -Yes. -Yes.
-and a cane. -Yeah.
No pants, which was a little, uh...
-A little... -But when you get older,
top hat, monocle, cane, no pants, I'm like,
"This was the peanut on Jeffrey Epstein's plane."
You know what I mean? Like, that's a-- that's creepy
-when you get older. -And his funeral is at--
is at the-- What do you call that sports thing?
Oh, it's a Super Bowl commercial, this is.
-Right? A whole funeral there. -Right.
-That's a lot for a nut, you know? -Yeah.
Like, my dad died, and a bunch of us went to a dive bar
with a can of his ashes, and he was a real person.
-Was your dad a real person? -(applause) -By the way,
-by the way... -Not anymore. He's not a real person anymore.
You just put your dad in a can?
-Yeah. It was a lot of-- it was a lot of money. -(laughs)
-You get a peanut can? -Funerals are expensive, okay? -Yeah.
We-- You know, they wanted to, like, cremate him.
I was like, "Let's just go in the backyard
and have some s'mores."
(gasping, laughter)
-I'm gonna just... -Wait a sec.
-Arielle has left the chat. It's too much. -I'm out.
I read an article recently where this dude was arrested
for smoking weed, but he put some of his cremated mom
-in the weed. -Oh...
Yeah. First of all, is that against the law?
-Yes. -Is it? -It better be. -Second of all,
-Cremated Mom is opening at Coachella this year. -Yeah.
-(laughing) -Get your tickets.
-That would be a crazy T-shirt. -Listen, the--
Back to the story is-- last thing I'll say about it--
is that I heard his-his-- Mrs. Peanut came up right after that,
and the cops were like, "Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa.
"There's peanut butter everywhere.
You don't want to go in there."