Welcome back to
tonight is a bittersweet moment at
Our beloved correspondent Jessica Williams is leaving us
to go create her own new show on Comedy Central.
Fortunately, we do have one final report from Jess
on a group of Donald Trump supporters
who may surprise you.
WILLIAMS:
between the
and the Mother of Dragons, the voting is finally over.
And with Hillary Clinton as their nominee,
the Democratic Party has united without controversy.
Ha-ha. J.K., y'all. I'm (bleep) with you.
I won't vote for Hillary I can't vote for her.
We're not just automatically gonna vote for the demon
because you're saying the devil may be there.
Demons and devils?
How can it get any worse?
I think there's one poll that showed one-fifth
of Bernie Sanders' supporters
would actually vote for Donald Trump.
Oh, yep, that's worse.
So I gathered a bunch
of actual loyal Bernie Sanders supporters together
to see if this could possibly be true.
Probably I would be looking at Trump.
-I'm gonna have to go with Trump. -Trump.
Why?
He has diarrhea of the mouth, but a lot of things
that he says are things that a lot of people may think.
You mean like racist things?
Racist things, I would say, yeah.
-Okay. -Um, he is a bigot and a racist,
however, um...
You don't have to... continue with "however."
Where are you gonna go with that?
No, well, I'm about to go there.
Hillary has been a scam artist all her life.
And I hope the FBI comes and indicts her.
Hmm, I was starting to suspect
that this wasn't about Trump at all.
Hillary will bring us to war
within 90 days of her inauguration.
-Okay. -Hillary Clinton's just a stack of garbage.
She's a... she's a "stack of garbage"?
She's more like a leprechaun to me.
You said she's a leprechaun?
What has a leprechaun ever done to you?
Please, uh, they disgust me.
Okay, hold up. So they think Hillary is this?
But they want to vote for this?
Money, money, I want more money. I want... I don't even know why.
I don't get it. How do you go
from a left-wing progressive like Bernie
to a man who worships money
only slightly less than he worships himself?
Maybe I'm missing something.
Can you name...
one thing that Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders have in common?
Bernie and Donald do not have a Super PAC.
Actually... Donald Trump does have a Super PAC. Like, four.
Bernie and Trump both don't have hair.
Well, okay. Um, anything else?
-They're both old. -Anything else?
They both want to be president.
And that's all it takes, huh?
Can't they see that it's Bernie and Hillary
that have similar policies and views?
Their views are totally opposite.
Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders' views
-are totally opposite? -Right.
What about Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump's views?
Okay.
Okay what?
Are they totally opposite?
(quietly): Hell... yeah...
This is not a robot short-circuiting.
These are real people who are going to vote.
Okay, to show them just how opposite Bernie and Trump are,
I'm gonna play a fun game called...
Who Yelled It Best? Donald Trump or Bernie Sanders.
First one.
"When Mexico sends its people,
"they're bringing crime. They're rapists.
-And some, I assume, are good people." -OTHERS: Trump.
"The goal of real health care reform
"must be high-quality, universal coverage
-in a cost-effective way." -OTHERS: Bernie.
"I would end Obamacare
-and replace it with something terrific." -OTHERS: Trump.
-What gave it away? -The third grade-level wording.
Okay. Okay. "You will never learn what I am thinking."
-That's Trump. -Actually, no, that's Hitler.
Sounds a little like Trump, doesn't it?
-Trick question. -Mm-hmm. I got you.
Like a leprechaun.
Wow, except for the Hitler thing,
you guys did really, really well.
You know why? They are literally the opposite people.
It's not going
it's going away from Hillary Clinton.
Okay, maybe an analogy will help.
Last weekend I wanted to go to this new restaurant,
and my friends wanted to go to this old restaurant,
and I got out-voted, so instead of eating with them
at this old restaurant, I went into an alley
and I sat down and ate a pile of dog (bleep).
At least I know it's doo-doo.
That plan backfired.
Do these people just love doo-doo?
I have to get to the bottom of this.
Y'all would rather have a 100% turd
than a maybe secret turd?
-Yes. -Yes. -Yes. -Yes.
But... what if that maybe dookie
turns out to just be... okay
and a little less progressive than Bernie Sanders?
Then I guess we'll have to chew on that.
Well, I guess we'll just have to chew on that dookie.
Ugh! Maybe there isn't a way to convince
these six Bernie-to-Trump voters to change their minds.
Luckily, there is one Bernie supporter
who has his priorities in order.
Are you going to vote for Hillary Clinton in November?
-Yes.
So there's zero chance you'll vote
-for Donald Trump? -Oh, God, please. I'm gonna do
everything I can to make sure that Donald Trump is defeated.
Maybe Bernie's supporters should just listen to the guy
that they're supporting.
J. Willy, out.
Jessica Williams, everybody!
(cheers and applause)
Ms. J. Willy.
-Uh, what an exciting and yet sad moment... -Mm-hmm.
-...at the same time. -Yup.
-(laughs) -We-we tried.
We tried to put together all of your greatest moments,
but the truth is, no one show can do them justice.
You are the coolest, most awesome person.
This building is going to suffer a severe lack of,
-uh, J. Willyness without you. -Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
-I got a lot of Willy style. -(laughter)
And, um, and, so, to say good-bye to you,
we tried to put together just a tiny bit
of what makes you as amazing as you are,
so please enjoy.
Hey, guys. It's TV's Jessica Williams.
♪ All the single ladies, all the single ladies ♪
♪ All the single ladies... ♪
-(barking) -(screaming)
Okay, okay, okay.
See? That's racist.
Brace yourself. You might want to sit down for this,
but Beyoncé is black.
(dramatic musical sting)
Why would we need a tractor dancer on this farm?
'Cause it's fun. Rock and lock it.
Try this.
-Whoa! -Yup.
Is that pioneer choking
that Native American dude to death,
or do I have something crazy in my eye?
(sputtering)
-Look at me! -I... I'm...
I'm an old exorcist.
I don't know technology!
What the (bleep) is going on?
I just want to live in a world
where I can ride a freaking real hover board.
You want to kick out a church
that is very homophobic
and put in young LGBT youth?
It'd be a perfect place for our young people to live.
What...?!
Ah.
Jessica Williams, everybody!
(cheers and applause)
Aah! Wow. Um...
Jessica, I think I speak for everyone on the show,
especially your fellow correspondents,
-um, who... -WOOD: Oh! Whoa! Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Chill out, African!
Oh, wow. It's all the correspondents, everybody!
-It's all the correspondents. -Oh, man.
-(cheers and applause) -Ooh.
Ooh. We can speak for ourselves!
Yeah, I'll, uh, go first because I'm the white guy.
(laughter)
Jess, it has been an honor working with you.
When I came in, I was so impressed
by how young and talented you were,
it almost made me angry, and now, as you leave,
-I'm honored to say that I am still pissed. -(laughter)
You've covered so many important stories
about black women and gay rights
and pastors who think
that there's semen in Starbucks coffee.
-(laughter) -Right. But before you go, Jess,
there's one big reason we're all here today.
-Can I get your office? -(loud, overlapping chatter)
NOAH: No, no. Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.
-(overlapping chatter) -Guys, guys. Guys, please.
Guys, it was so beautiful, and then you spoiled it.
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
I'm getting Jessica's office.
Uh, where else am I gonna put the tanning bed?
No. Jessica, we, uh... Wow.
We cannot say good-bye to you enough.
It is not good-bye. It is farewell.
You're gonna be close by, hopefully.
Your show is going to amazing.
And you are always welcome.
Jessica Williams, everybody.
(applause and cheering)