- I feel like I can guess them. - No, you don't.
- No, I think I'll know. - I brought my backwards cap
today too. - Woo!
- I'm channeling the F-boy vibes. - Oh, okay, okay.
- I don't know if there's anything that only guys would know anymore.
If they did, they're fooling themselves in my opinion.
- Oh, good. We're starting out well. - Uh-huh, yeah.
- Oh, morning wood!
- Oh, yeah-- - He's gonna pee the wall.
- Huh? - Yeah.
- This is definitely age-related. - What the hell?
- Yo, thi is so difficult! Yes! - hold on. Why is--
- Yes! Exac-- no, you need the hand on the wall.
You need the hand on the wall. - Why is he standing
like that, though? - (laughs)
- Is he gonna throw up or pee? - He has gas.
- He has morning wood! And he's having
a difficult time taking his morning pee-pee
through his morning woody. - You don't even need me here
for this episode. - (both laugh)
- When guys wake up in the morning, most often than not,
they get morning wood. - Oh.
- When they go to the bathroom... - Wait a minute.
What the hell are you doing with the hand on the wall?
- So, when you're at the toilet-- - Don't you need both your hands
to aim it? - No, you hold--
- I mean, everybody goes to the bathroom in the morning,
whether it's male-- - Not like that.
- I bet an older gentleman would be like, "Boof.
Enjoy it while you can, young man." - (both laugh)
- See, now, if you were older, you'd have Depends on.
You couldn't do that. - It is a universal thing
that all guys-- - But you stand like that?
Can't you just go-- - Well, more or less. You can either--
you have to angle it. It's like...
it's a lot of physics involved. - Guys will underst--
okay, what is he doing now? - I literally did this yesterday.
- (laughs) That was good. - I do that too.
But I do two. It's like one with the T-shirt.
You take it off and you do a big stretch.
And then one with the sports bra,
and you do the big stretch. And then you go, "Ah." (laughs)
- I guess he just wanted to stretch? But why would you take your shirt off
to str...etch? - I have seen my brother do this!
And it's like you guys stretch, and then your whole body, like...
- Can't you do this without the shirt, though?
- Of course you can! It's not as fun.
- I personally have not experienced that.
- I have, and it feels so good. - I probably more likely
would lose my balance. - Well, you might.
- At my age. At my age. - I mean, older guys aren't doing that.
They'd fall on the stove. - I won't lie.
If I did do a big stretch when I got out of the car
to get here today... However, I don't know
that they're unique to the male gender.
- What?
- No!
- See, this, I don't get. - I mean, I don't got no ass,
so yeah... That'd probably be super easy for me.
But I-- - What?!
- If you look at a man, they just go ffffruuut.
And a woman goes oooh. - I grew up when women
still had to wear girdles. So, I think I could do that,
at least when I was her age. - (both) Okay.
- Oh, I can't even do that part. - Yeah.
- (React) Okay. And then, just bring it--
- Wait, I'm already-- - (Jaxon) Yeah, there you are.
- Pull it up like that. - Oh, no, I can't.
It breaks my hand. - Oh! No.
- What?! - (laughs)
- Oh my god! It's like my tits are--
- I mean, that was a little bit of a struggle, though.
- My tits are in the way. - I don't understand!
- It just-- it just--
- What the heck?! - No, I can't do it without--
- But see, I can't even go up here because I got
too fat of thighs. - No, but I got my mom's hips.
- I can't do it! You really can't!
- Oh, of course my first-- I'm going, "It's a TikTok dance,"
you know? - I think I know.
- Steps in the sand. What? I don't think I get it.
- So, you're walking normally, and then you take one ste--
oh! Your balls. Are you readjusting?
- Walk, walk, walk, walk. Ohhh, you adjusted your balls.
- Yeah. - What does it mean, Phil?
- Well, the guy's almost tripped. And he kept his balance
by putting his foot out, and he kept going.
Or he was totally drunk. Right. I have no idea.
- I've seen this one before. - Oh, wait.
- He's adjusting, right? His..
- Adjusting the pants when he walks? - It could be something like that,
straighten your privates. - Okay.
- You know, the package. - But I feel like the one leg would
be like a-- you lift it up to try to get a Murphy out
or something, and then you're going back to walking again.
You lift it up to try to get a Murphy out or something.
- If I'm not mistaken, that's a fart.
- Yeah, and then he steps to the right a little.
- (both) Okay. - This one, I will demonstrate
really quick. And I'm just like, you know...
- I don't think I've ever seen that in real life, though.
- It's more subtle than that. - You gotta stretch it out
a little bit when it's sticking-- - I've seen you guys do
this action before. - Oh, yeah.
- This something, especially as a guy, you can't just reach into your pants
and just start fixing that. - No.
- And then, that could go for either gender.
I know some nasty-ass girls. - (Sam) Here are five things
only guys understand. - (gasps) Sam!
- Yup. - That's a messy person thing.
(gasps) - This person's a monster!
- Never put the seat up. - Oh, no. That's just a quickie.
- Yeah, that is lunch. - You guys are [censored] slobs.
- I would eat that lunch. - Okay, I get that. I get that.
- (laughs) - Why?
- For a runny nose, of course. - Okay, that was-- okay.
- That's what we were talking about. - There you go. Yeah.
- That's so not subtle, though. - Yeah, it's hard to say anything
other than, "Yeah," 'cause it just--
- (laughs) - Gotta be subtle.
We've done that a thousand times. There's the skin-to-skin factor there
that sometimes gets to you. - The public bathroom one?
- I don't understand because I don't know why
they decide to do it. For me, sometimes it happens
on accident, but if you piss on the seat, you wipe it!
- See, the thing is, at least lift the seat up.
I don't know why-- - They act like they just can't take
the two seconds to lift the seat up.
- But I also think that's what it looks like when a woman
tries to hover over the bathroom seat.
It never works. Literally, they just pee all over the place.
- (voice-over) Only boys will understand.
- Okay.
- You're evil for this. - Okay, that one I don't understand.
I think he came on his shirt, and he's trying not to spill it
all over? - He just lifted his shirt
and stared at his abs. - Does he wanna make sure
his six pack's still visible? - He's looking--
yeah, he's checking himself out, make sure he's got it all--
the road to happiness! - Well, this is TikTok, so...
- That's the road to happiness. - Oh, he came on himself.
That's straight jackoff land zone. - (snickers)
- And then, he was like... - This is bold
of this guy to put that out. - Oh, he has cum on his--
- Yeah. That's weird! - Does he have something
on his belly and he doesn't wanna... - Yeah!
- ...get his T-shirt-- - This dude just jacked off
all over himself.
- Oh! (laughs) Ohhhh. - (laughs)
- Oh, so that's why his legs are all weird
and he gets out of bed weird 'cause he doesn't want it
to drip on the floor. He's not worried about how he looks
to his girlfriend or boyfriend. - Nothing worse than a stiff shirt.
Or is it stuffed shirt?
- (man whistles)
- Oh. - He really called me out.
- Sure. - You know?
- (laughs) - That's for any freakin' nerd.
- Yeah, guys like to play with their keys.
- I feel like if you are a weeb, you just start doing
stuff like that. - You just start-- (laughs)
- So, we're talking about doing this, stuff like this.
What do you do with this? - What I would do--
and there's not quite enough keys on here.
You would go like this and then stop it
and roll this into your hand. - Oh!
- I know that myself. - Yeah. Yeah, you gotta
put 'em through. - You're Wolverine here.
- Yeah, you gotta Wolverine it. - Do you actually think
of those things? The anime scenes... - Oh, no. I just--
- ...when you're doing it? - Just all comes naturally.
- Toilet paper. Okay. - There's a lot of paper in this,
you notice?
- I don't do that. Nah.
- Yeah, he just doesn't want it. They just want it on the side.
- I know exactly what that is. I hate those things.
I like the roll. - All you have to do is pull it.
- No, I take the roll, I hold it in my hand,
then I can pick as many squares as I like.
Maybe you're a two-square guy or a three-square guy.
- Is it to bring? - It's a lot easier.
It doesn't constantly roll. - They're just exceptionally
lazy men in these videos. - That's what I'm saying!
That's not a man thing! That's a lazy thing, right?
- That's more work 'cause eventually, you're gonna have to put that back on.
- Just be glad you didn't see it when they literally just
didn't change the roll out and just put the roll on top
of the empty-- - I've seen that. I've seen that!
- It's so weird. - And I literally open the thing
and put it on there! - If you're gonna have a guest over,
you're gonna be like, "Oh, I probably shouldn't leave this
out here. I need to go pick that up now and put it back."
- Bored in class.
- Oh! Okay. - (laughs)
Awww, poor guy. - He's wearing very loose clothing too
so it makes sense. - Oh, he probably was
checking out girls, and then he got hard.
- He's fantasizing there. He's thinking about
some girls three rows up. - I would describe that as a NARB,
a non-apparent reason boner. - I just remember they'd be like,
"Oh, Jimmy, can you come up and solve the problem?"
- Jesus Christ. - And they're like, "Uh, no."
- Does this happen often? Like, in class? I just--
I'm just curious. - Yes. Yes. Yes!
- I don't think I've ever noticed anyone do anything.
- Good. Then we--
- Good job, dudes in my class. - Good job, guys.
- Yeah, good job 'cause I never saw it. - We got 'em. There we go.
I don't do that. - Driving with your knees? Yeah.
- Nah, I know some girls that do that dumb [censored] too.
Please be safe! Do not drive with your legs.
- Looks like he had a red smart on his thigh.
- Well, all I could think of, he had it pressed
into the steering wheel. - The steering wheel.
- Steering wheel. - Yeah?
- Like this. - Yeah.
- Spot right there. What do you think?
- Oh. Do you cross your legs? - No. You cannot cross your legs
while you're driving. - Crossing your legs
while you're driving. - Do not do that, no.
- I'm just trying to understand why they think only guys
drive with their knees! - I don't think I've ever heard
a girl admit to it before, though. - How the hell do you think
they're putting lipstick on? - I definitely feel like
it is more of a guy thing. - Because we're not doing that.
- But I personally have never seen anyone drive like that.
- I've seen a guy do it before. - I can't control it that well.
A lot of people can. And I just--
I find it too uncomfortable too. - Hands free.
- Women who do that to put on their makeup too.
A lot of women-- they shouldn't be doing that!
Do not do it! - Definitely done that when I'm eating
a hamburger or something. - I feel like it's something
guys would perhaps brag about, being like, "Oh yeah,
I drive with my knees." - I keep forgetting how low
the bar is for men. (laughs) - It really is!
- Oh.
- The heck is he doing? - I don't actually get this one.
- I don't understand this. - I don't use Lynx or Axe body spray.
- See, that one, I don't think I get.
- I really don't get that one. - Like, a woman would put
the perfume. They'd dab on the thing-- - Or they'd-- no, you'd spray it
in the air. - Guy would put it somewhere,
and then... - No, but that's what women do
if they're smart. - I saw this dumb [censored] before.
I don't know why you guys just don't buy candles.
You spray it on your wall to make your room smell good.
- Women have no clue why you're still using Axe or Lynx.
I thought that was gonna be the whole--
only guys will understand it. - If they just cut the video
after Axe body spray, that would've been fine too.
- Yeah.
- That's disgusting. - I've seen this before,
and I still have zero, zero clue as to what is happening here.
- Oh! Never mind. Okay.
- What? - I don't have any idea what that is.
- Deodorant and whipped cream.
And a piece of paper. - A piece of paper.
- Is this something kinky?
- Nobody understands this! - Well, maybe boys.
I'm not a boy anymore, so maybe that's why
I don't understand it. - This is stupid.
- I don't get the deodorant. - I don't wanna expose
the guys' secrets 'cause this is very...
- Is this how you guys, I don't know, shave?
- That just seems like what a young, inexperienced person
would think. - Would assume.
- Is that when you-- - Guys' secret.
- No! Tell me. I don't-- - Guys' secret. I can't say it.
- Thank you for watching this episode on React.
- Please be sure to like and follow for more!
And let us know what else we should react to in the comments.
Goodbye, guys. - In college, the girls'
communal bathroom was always known to be grosser.
- Now you know why. - That's so interesting.
I didn't know that. - Just put the paper and sit down!
The hoverers are the problem.