[laughing]
- I'm sorry! I'm sorry! - Mary, please.
This is supposed to be your show.
But it's so funny.
[laughing]
Fine, I'll read your part.
Secret footage was leaked today of a late night video chat
between Swellview's own Captain Man and Swellview's own Jeff.
That's right, Captain Man...
Captain Man! Captain Man!
Captain Man to the Man Cave!
Captain Man emergency!
You're Captain Man!
And you are correct.
And Jeff.
Ugh, it's Jeff!
I'm a real criminal.
That was my last hammer.
- Jeff! Jeff! - Jeff! Jeff!
We've got the video, but we should warn you that it involves
grown men wearing very tiny shorts.
[laughing]
Oh, man.
What is it about eating peanut butter and jelly right off your fingers,
right out of the jar, while also playing Fortnite at 3 AM
that makes it taste so good.
I think it's the peanut butter and the jelly...
and the fingers and the jars...
And the Fortnite.
And I just killed you bro!
Yeah!
Oh, come on! This game is rigged!
Oh! Now some six year-old just killed me!
[laughing]
Yeah!
Go! Go! Go! Take it! Take it all with your mouth!
Go! Yeah! Yeah!
He did it! He did it!
[laughing]
Want me to teach you this new Clik Clok dance I learned last night?
Uh, yes.
Yeah, you do.
- Pop, pop, pop! - That's what I'm doing.
Pop, pop, pop!
- You can pop better than that. - Don't objectify me!
Unless it's a compliment, and then it's fine.
I don't wanna pop it!
You wanna pop it! I can see you wanna pop it!
[groaning]
- [groaning] - Pop it!
[gasping]
How long were we practicing that dance?
- 90 seconds. - Oh, God.
I mean... I could be a bad guy.
Yes! Do it!
Like a great bad guy!
You could be the second best criminal this town has ever seen.
- Oh, yeah? Who's the best? - You're looking at him.
Ha-ha, yeah!
I'm calling Drex and telling him you said that.
No! Don't call Drex!
- No, no, no, no! - I'm gonna call him right now.
- No! Don't call him! No! Hang up! - Hello, Swellview Prison?
Hang up!
Any response to that video, Jeff?
Only that I apologize to Drex. I'm sorry.
Also, I'm single and these shorts look even better in person
than they do on video. Huh, check that out!
Yeah! OK, bye!
Captain Man, any response to the fact that you eat peanut butter and jelly
- with your hands? - Gross.
Any wear very tiny shorts in the privacy of your own home?
See, actually, I didn't mind that part.
Well, Captain Man?
When I find out who leaked those videos, I'm gonna...
I'm gonna...
- What? - Yeah, what?
What are you gonna do?
You're stuck in quarantine like the rest of us.
- So what are you gonna do? - What?
Yeah, what?
Something bad!
Well, which one of you leaked it?
- Hm! - We didn't leak anything, man!
Chill out! I know I didn't. They probably did it.
Eh, you're all lying!
We're not lying.
Yeah man, usually you and Schwoz are the ones lying to us.
[gasping]
When have we ever lied to any of you?
- Where are you going? - I gotta take my aunt to the cleaners.
She's so huge she needs to be cleaned in a car wash.
- Who was that? - My hairdresser.
I'm late for my appointment at the haircut store.
- What are you doing here? - What are you doing here?
Fighting crime.
That's funny, I thought you were at the haircut store getting frosted tips.
OK, fine.
I know one of you leaked it.
Why would we leak embarrassing videos of you?
Uh, because I'm handsome and I'm strong,
and I'm hilarious, everyone loves me, and I'm humble.
Ray! Where are you going with this?
You guys leaked the video 'cause you're jealous!
- Ha! Of what? - Of me!
Because I'm handsome and I'm strong.,
I'm hilarious, everyone loves me, and I'm humble--
Stop!
OK, alright, OK, OK, we'll play it your way.
You guys don't want to tell me who leaked the video? OK, fine.
But I'll tell ya what.
You're all gonna pay.
All of you.
I've got...
58 cents. Will that cover it?
No.