(dramatic music) - Greetings, loyal subjects
of the first order. This is--
(coughs)
- Aw, god, geez, aw, man.
No wonder these Sith Lords always lose
their light saber fights, these masks are the worst.
This morning on Good Day Death Star.
The First Order has raised tariffs on over-sized cloaks.
What does this mean for the Jedi?
And will it put the Burlington Cloak Factory
out of business?
- Local Coruscant man charged with stealing
the famous painting "Still Life with Admiral Ackbar."
When asked for a comment, the man said,
"I didn't do it. It's a trap."
- Have you ever wondered how we can all hear in space
when modern science dictates
that it's supposed to be impossible?
Well we have Count Edgarth Chambers,
Dean of Sciences at Hoth University,
to tell us how we defy all science.
- Today on...
- Good Day Death Star!
(upbeat music)
- Welcome back to Good Day Death Star.
The longest running morning show in the galaxy.
I'm Grand Moff Bob, and stepping in for the presumed dead,
Proma, this week is our
entertainment reporter Leslie Nielsen.
(men in background laughing) What, why is that funny?
What is it? (men in background laughing)
What are they laughing, what is it?
- It's fine, it happens all the time. (sigh)
- I don't, I don't get it, I don't think, it's like rude.
What are they laughing at? - Thank you.
- Yeah, no, it's rude of them not to let me in on the joke.
What is so funny, guys? (laughs)
Listen, we have some breaking news.
We have an interview with everyone's
favorite little space nugget, Baby Yoda.
- Baby Yoda, how have you been handling
your newfound celebrity?
- I'd like to clear this up once and for all.
My name's not Yoda, it's Glenn.
Yoda was my Dad, and more importantly, I'm not a baby.
I'm a fifty-year-old man from Staten Island.
I've basically been kidnapped.
Shoot, I gotta go, Mando just got
into another bar fight.
May the force be--
- What was he going to say, something about the force?
May the force be what?
- May the force be upon us all for eternity?
- And you too Baby Yoda, wow.
- You too, thank you.
- What a shock!
Today marks the anniversary of the destruction
of the second Death Star.
As our viewers know, this is the only show
to survive the destruction of two Death Stars,
a Starkiller Base, as well as numerous Star Destroyers.
We're just the gift that keeps on giving.
(hosts laugh)
So if you please, a moment of silence for Death Stars past,
and for the hopeful reconstruction of the next Death Star.
(dramatic music)
Thank you.
- Well, how about the weather?
- Great idea.
Let's check in with meteorologist, Lord Patch Intuchas,
giving us the five-day forecast on the planet, Tatooine.
Lord Patch?
As you can see, today is gonna be a hot one.
Tomorrow, the thermostat's gonna kick right up
into Really Hot.
Wednesday, we're gonna continue
that trend up into the Dumbs Hot.
Dipping down into the Pretty Hot on Thursday.
Then we have that heat wave coming in,
so we're gonna be shooting up
into the Obi (beep) Kenobis on Friday.
So, you better lather up on that sunblock
if you plan to hit up the pod races on Saturday.
All right, back to you in the studio
Bob and Leslie Nielsen. (laughs)
(men in background laughing)
- Okay, come on, can we be professionals here
for crying out loud?
- Bob, please we don't need to make a big deal out of it.
It's just my name.
- You don't mind?
- I really don't.
I really, really don't.
- Okay, well then, how about we move on
to our special guest.
- Yes, Lord Edgarth Chambers of University of Hoth.
Welcome, Edgarth.
- Well, hello there, Proma.
- Oh, I'm not Proma, she might be dead.
I'm Leslie.
- Leslie?
- Yes.
- What happened to Bob?
- Oh, I'm right here, Ed.
- But no Proma?
- No.
- I don't understand.
- It doesn't matter. Say, Ed, we're eager
to understand your opinion on a very important subject.
- Yes, even though according to classic texts,
sound is not supposed to travel in space.
Why is it that in our galaxy we seem to be able
to hear all kinds of noises,
especially during space battles?
- Thanks very simple, Proma.
- I'm not Pro- - It's not worth it.
- There are many theories for this phenomena.
One is that although sound does not make noise,
pressure waves do, so when something is shot
or explodes in space, you can hear a noise due
to the ripples of the pressure waves.
- Fascinating.
- Yes, I know.
I'm a professor of sciences.
Another theory is: brain chips.
Every wonder how when you watch space battles,
everything sounds way louder
than when people are normally talking.
Like makes you go, whoa, I should turn the volume down,
there are people sleeping in the next room, kind of loud.
- Yeah. - Sure.
- I mean, sure.
- Imagine how lame a battle would look like
if it was all silent.
(cough in background)
(slurping on straw)
- This sucks!
- See, that was more lame than CGI Yoda.
At birth, we have all been implanted with brain chips
that the government uses to put thoughts and sounds
into our heads in order to control us all.
- With all due respect, Count Ed, you may want
to check your facts.
- Check my facts, with whom?
The same organizations that have been putting fluoride
in all of our water, to keep us docile!
Let me warn you something else, Proma, if you think--
- That's enough from Count Edgarth Chambers.
Thank you, Count Ed, for your wisdom?
And that's about it for Good Day Death Star.
My name is Leslie Nielsen. (men in background laughing)
- And my name is,
- Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Your name is, Leslie Nielsen. - Yes.
- As in, from the "Naked Gun" movies. (laughs)
- Oh!
Oh, I get it now.
(everyone laughs)
Leslie Nielsen?! That's an actor, not a person.
(everyone laughs hysterically) - I am familiar.
That's your name! (everyone laughs)
- Are you kidding me right now?
(lightsaber starts up) (screams)