Anybody but me would punch you right in the head.
Which is why you are my best friend.
Good to know. Now, why are you mine?
Because I'm a lovable person.
I got it.
You thought of an idea for the contest?
No. You remember at lunch
that piece of corn I got stuck in my teeth?
No.
Well, here it is.
Okay, you people are outta your minds.
Okay, why am I dancing?! This shouldn't be happening!
What are you doing?
Making a plaster cast of my head
to put on top of my body sculpture!
Of course you are.
Looked like I punched her, right?
Oh, my God! Are you okay?
I... I think so. 'Cause they also use fake blood.
[Sam and Carly] Wah!
I ordered Chinese food.
During the show?
There's no wrong time to eat an egg roll. Ah.
Get in there, Witchiepoo.
Uh.
I have to go make my mom a salad.
Don't shove! Ow!
This is Agent Mick Muffen,
w-with the, uh, Federal Bureau of Milk.
The FBM?
Uh, sure.
Hey, Valerie. How goes it?
I'm great. Is Freddie here 'cause I've been thinking--
I said to stall her.
She is stalled. I slammed the door
right in her face.
O-M-G! We hooked a baby.
Throw it back!
I can't throw it back, it's a baby and...
[Sam and Carly] Just kidding!
It's a fake baby. See?
Hey, Gibby. You wanna be on iCarly?
Totally. What do I gotta do?
I'll show ya.
Oh.
No, you gotta ankle swear.
Okay, go.
I swear.
Listen to this comment one of our viewers wrote.
If it's about that zit I had last week,
I don't wanna hear about it.
It was barely noticeable.
It was a volcano.
Who eats half a cheeseburger, then falls asleep?
Someone who just lost
the other half of his cheeseburger.
Hey. I missed you.
- I missed you, too. - Wanna go get some lunch?
Sure, as long as you promise not to sniff the fruit salad.
[laughing]
Look at us on the beach.
[Sam and Carly] Whoo!
[screaming]
Carly, we're in outer space.
But it's dangerous to be in outer space
wearing only swimsuits.
Can you believe we became friends
over a tuna sandwich?
And now you hate tuna.
No. I hate the way that British chick
in our history class says "tuna".
Oh, yeah. Tyooon-uh, tyoooon-uh.
Oh, I just adore tyoooon-uh.
We'll pay you $100,000.
[coughing]
Sam! Sam!
[coughing]
Hey, Jack, go long.
Okay.
Ow.
You're right.
I lost.
And now, my face will forever become a part of your skin.
[screaming]
I'm Gibby.
And I'm Sam.
And this is a little show we like to call...
[Sam and Gibby] iGibby!
[screaming]
She spits, she scores!
Can you lower the microphone a little bit?
A little lower. Little low-- yeah.
[laughing]
Oh, no, no, no, don't, don't, don't. ow, ow.
Well, let's just say, one of you is gonna win
a date with an awesome guy.
Freddie?
I said, "awesome guy", not ridiculous goob.
[bell ringing]
We gotta get to class.
Sure. Right after I knock down these last two pins.
With one throw? Not possible.
We'll see.
Ah. Uh.
[giggling]
[gasping]
[mumbling]
Ooh, I can't, I can't, I can't.
I'll get it. I'll get it.
Be careful.
A cab here from your house doesn't cost $30.
It does if you make the guy stop and buy you a breakfast burrito.
[horn honking]
Come on, 30 bucks. He's got the meter running.
- Carly, come look at this. - What?
It's the video of the explosion.
And when you go slow-motion, you can totally see
Lewbert's wart fly right off his face.
Eww, that's disgusting.
- You wanna see it? - Full screen, please.
Ready?!
Shouldn't we count to three, first?!
No! Just scream!
- When?! - Now!
[screaming]
Freddie, is that you in there?
Yeah, it's me.
Oh, my gosh, the bear ate Freddie. Bad bear!
Ah!
Ow!
How do ya know my mom has a tattoo
of a foot on her foot?!
How do ya know all that stuff?!
I told you... we're best friends.
- What's my favorite color? - Brown.
- Why? - It's the color of gravy.
Well, that was, um--
Nice?
I don't see a car.
All I hear is a lot a prattle, and I--
[screaming]
Sam! Sam! Oh, come on!
Get it off me.
Come on.
I don't know if I can do this!
You can. Let's go.
What have I-- Oh.
What are you doing here?
I was in the neighborhood, wanted food,
didn't wanna pay for it, here I am.
I say we're a pretty good match.
Totally.
Hey, when did Freddie start looking so hot?
Okay. This chick is nothing like me.
Your squirrel, is he nutty for nuts?
[clearing throat]
Dear, there's nary a squirrel upon my face.
Once again, this is a mustache.
It's actually a pretty good place
to keep french fries.
[beeping]
One second.
What is that?
Beef Stroganoff.
Come on, watch this next part. It's really funny. Ha.
Oh! Oh, oh, oh, no! Oh, that's sick. Aah!
Yeah.
Yay! Smoothies for three. Ha.
One for Missy and one for Sam.
Whoa, defective cup.
What is that?
A sock full of butter.
- For what? - For swingin'.
I could brand an elephant with this thing.
Oh, I need that locker.
Just standing next to it makes me feel like a princess.
Salomi?
How could you make out with Freddie?
He's adorable.
I can't believe you two are sisters.
- Me either. - Me either.
Hey, you guys think it's possible to give a guy
wearing garbage-can underpants a wedgie?
- Nah, not possible. - Nah, not possible. Um-um.
Let's see.
No. Sam. Sam. Sam! It's possible! It's possible!
It's very, very possible.
Hey, can I run upstairs for a second and install these--
You spoke of it.
[screaming]
- And... - meatballs.
Where are the meatballs?
Right about here being dissolved by my stomach acid.
Girls who are rude to me, don't get a bag of bacon.
Whoa, Freddie, I never realized
what a hot, handsome hunk a boy you really are.
That was a cute turtle.
I've gone on dates with guys less cute than that turtle.
She has.
Well.
Why'd you stick the doughnuts on that way?
What're you saying?
Well, they're doughnuts.
They have a hole right in the middle.
But you put the stick through the sides.
Man... this is embarrassing.
So, what do you think happened?
You snuck downstairs before the web show
and sucked the filling out of all these cupcakes.
Your point being?
Yeah, spray paint for Carly.
- Hammer for Freddie. - Yeah.
And... a big ol' baseball bat for Mama.
Okay, ready?
- Yeah. - Go.
[grunting]
Come on.
- Hair! Hair! Hair! - Oh, sorry. Sorry.
Sorry! Sorry!
- Okay. - Okay. Don't--
You look good, Gib.
My name is Samantha Puckett! I'm from Seattle,
and I love fried chicken!
Sam, listen, you can hear 'em crackle in my mouth.
Get your face off my ear.
You smuggled a brisket in here?
And some creamed corn.
And it's a good thing I did, 'cause I'm freaking out
being trapped in here.
She was supposed to be here four hours ago.
You said two o'clock.
It's six o'clock!
Well, I didn't know if you mean o'clock a.m. or o'clock p.m.
You're o'mazingly stupid.
Look at that one, fifth one down, see?
Jennette Bloopers.
This meeting is about you.
Click on the Jennette thing. Come on, just click on it.
- I will come over there-- - Okay.
Uh, the boy doesn't make the decisi-- nah.
[laughing]
Whoa, I'm sorry.
Are his feet big? Did we get Bigfoot?
Not unless Bigfoot has a zipper running down his back.
[growling]
[grunting]
Hey.
You're a cowboy. Ha.
Why, yes'm. I surely am that.
How much did your sports car cost?
What are you doing?
She's either cooling herself or eating your frozen pizzas.
Probably both.
[chewing]
Get outta there.
Oh, my God.
You are eating my frozen pizza.
Ti consiglio di fare Gli auguri di compleanno A Carly or a,
altrimenti Ti spezzo le gambe!
Um... A'happy birthday, a'Carly.
Our future is going to be just fine.
We told ya that... your parole officer?
At least I call my parole officer.
Want to know the best prank I ever pulled?
O-oh... no.
I made a cop... think... his feet got cut off.
Eww.
You knock off a Fat Cake truck?
Ah, what's happening? Sam, come on!
Don't. Aw, aw. Sam, stop it. Stop it, stop it, stop it,
stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it.
Aren't these meat patches supposed to curb your cravings?
They're not working.
I still want you.
Aspartamay must die!
Well, technically, he could reanimate,
but it would take the combined powers
of all 99 mages and the blessings of--
- He's gonna die. - He's just gonna die.
I guess I should go.
Oh, wait. Before you go, we're gonna need our shirt back.
- That's not our sh-- - Shh.
Hey, ya dumb tadpole.
I done told ya. I ain't marry no vampeer. Uh.
♪
You wanna humiliate me on the Web
in front of millions of people.
Go ahead and just do it. I don't care.
Get back at me for all the mean things I've--
Why can't I sit with you guys?
Me and Freddie are on a date.
- Parmesan cheese? - Sure.
So I'm just supposed to sit here and wait for you guys
to have a fight so I can settle it?
- Pretty much. - We'd really appreciate that.
I was at the gas station,
and they were just gonna throw these out, so--
- Well, gimme those. - Hey! Don't snatch my bag!
So-- Uh!
No girls allowed at train club meetings.
C'mon, let her stay. She's cool.
Yeah, bringing the number
of cool people in this room to one...
- And a half. - Aw.
Where'd you guys get this big fork?
Some website.
Epicforks.com?
That's the one!
You and I are gonna be
getting to know each other a lot better.
Christopher Cane's salsa rocks my mouth.
Try it with more enthusiasm.
No. I said it.
Now, let's just watch my bloopers, okay?
You're very pushy, but alright.
Ouches! Ya slang-sheeted my mustache!
Ouches!
♪
Baggles! Whoo!
And now...
♪
[music playing]
It's really good, huh?
Mm.
It's so much better than good.
It's... ah.
It's like eating a fat angel.
[music playing]
Yeah-heh. Now, this is a party.
Yeah!
- Whoo! - Yeah!
We start at 7:30,
so probably get here 20 minutes early.
Okay, cool.
Hey guys, quick announcement...
I am not currently dating anyone.
Just puttin' that out there.
[mumbling]
I'm gonna have to ask you to leave my restaurant.
Hmm.
Well I'm gonna have to do this.
[fighting]
Get him, Sam! That's right!
[fighting]
Use the butter sock!
Ahhh! Not the butter sock!
I'm hand sanitizer.
Oh, well-- I-- does it--
Pump my head.
Oh. Hmm. Wait.
This doesn't smell like hand sanitizer.
Yeah, I didn't have any so I used Dijonnaise.
No, no, no, no. You can't do that.
Only supervisors can write employee reviews.
I am a supervisor.
I gave Sam a promotion.
Wha--
Sam's my boss now?
Yep.
Back to work, Fred-bag.
Let me at them pepperonis.
[door closing]
They forgot 'em.
Ah, they did?
Yep. Those jerks.
So, you guys don't serve anything at these meetings?
No snacks, juice, nothing?
Sam.
Like it'd kill 'em to put out a plate of crackers?
Stop.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's this in my smoothie?
Oh, there are my keys!
What about my smoothie?
Oh, you can keep the rest.
Make me a new one!
Okay, then!
It's iCarly! Hi! Hi! Hi! I love you! Hi. I love you.
I'm your biggest fan in the world! Oh, my God.
I need pics. I need your picture now.
I need pic. Alright. Alright. Smile!
Oh yeah, old Sammy. Always with the butter sock.
Nice heft.
Because now I use hard butter.
How's it different from regular butter?
It's harder.
My mom's in a pretty rough jail.
Why'd she get arrested?
Ah, she went to a Celine Dion concert...
That doesn't sound like something your mom would do.
And she thought Celine was lip syncing,
so my mom ran on stage
and yanked out her hair extensions.
That sounds like something your mom would do.
That old lady stole your laptop?
I'm gonna juice that old prune.
Ah, Sam.
[dinging]
Hey! Who stopped the elevator?! Get out!
[screaming]