'I think I have some weird monster film on TV'
'Nothing as ugly as that could be for real.'
Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World.
'I just know they're watching us'
This week we're watching The Eye Creatures
'Have you seen this picture before?'
No but I can see why you would think that as The Eye Creatures, or attack of the eye creatures
is a remake of Invasion of the Saucermen
'Bad things are going on up there, right?'
sharing many of its issues.
'No matter how many kids tell the police something they still wouldn't believe it'
You're 30, mate, I checked on IMDb, that's not a kid.
'It sure is, seeing how your father hates me'
He hates you cos she's actually 17
'I couldn't care less'
Vast amounts of the original dialogue remain.
'I wouldn't want to hold back the wheels of progress or should that be the progress of a big wheel'
'And gives off this funny sound like weird noise' 'And gives off this funny sound like Rrrrrrrrr'
'And gives off this funny sound like weird noise' 'And gives off this funny sound like nenenenene'
and yet the central plot point of the original in which the aliens inject their victims with alcohol was cut in editing,
rendering this line...
'Well, according to the autopsy we did on him, cause of death was heart failure due to alcoholism'
completely meaningless.
'You've got a point there sir'
For the most part, you could just watch our review of the original
'You woke me up to tell me that?'
But fortunately, The Eye Creatures has some issues all of its own.
'Well I hope so'
like the perving army guys who are supposed to be on the lookout for UFOs
'Go to close scan'
Although this is now looking NSA documentary realism.'
'That means you are playing peeping Tom again right.'
There's the fact that the police interview room, isn't as secure as one might expect.
Also this was supposed to be shot day for night, but someone forgot about the 'for night' bit.
And of course there's the Eye Creatures themselves,
The costumes aren't terrible.
The problem is they also weren't cheap, and while they had several heads they only had a few bodysuits,
so some actors wear black with just the mask looking like floating heads in the background.
on there's also the classic disembodied hand on a string moment,
and this stunningly random non-sequitur.
'And the police wouldn't believe us'
I think they're going to need some context!
'Any questions?'
My main point on Invasion of the Saucermen was: this isn't an invasion -
there's like 5 of them, their only weapon is alcohol
and the one person they kill only dies because he was already pissed.
'I got it! I got it!'
and The Eye Creatures is just as bad, this is no more an attack than it is an invasion.
'Something's weird around here'
the heroes run one of them over,
;Give me a hand, lets take him to a hospital.'
the army accidentally blows up their ship,
then they're burnt alive by teenagers,
these could easily be just tourists who wandered into the wrong part of the solar system!
'Funny, ha ha ha'
I'm all in favor of remaking bad films better, it makes so much more sense than remaking good ones worse.
'Oh boy are you ever right sir'
But don't remake a bad film, slavishly copy every mistake of the original,
and then add in incomplete costumes, a hand on a string and a cradle snatching hero!
'You're a very lucky girl to have a guy like me'
This film has been remade the same and as bad the original,
which B-movie would make better and how? Comments below
'At least I tried.'