The memes you're sharing have a ruined my life!
Did they take your millions of dollars
and the food from your fridge and the clothes off your back?
Worse, they've taken my dignity.
Greetings!
The name's Bot.
Spencer Bot.
I can tell you practiced that a lot...
and it works.
There's no way Harper wins this bet.
I already got five numbers last night.
So, hope she's ready to go to a men's rights meeting!
Not so fast, Spencer Bot.
Holy...
Sorry, my robot suit malfunctioned.
[screaming]
What are you doing here?
Setting up for a romantic evening with my boyfriend.
I woulda done it at my place, but...
rich people have such nice lighting.
What are you doing here?
I'm the rich person with a nice lighting,
that owns this apartment!
I can't wait to get together tonight!
It was so great meeting you
at the eye wash station of the emergency room.
But I was thinkin'.
Sure, we could go to some fancy restaurant,
and put on a dating persona,
but I'm just not into all that artifice.
No. I want you to get to know the real me.
Yeah. I was thinkin' we could hang at my place tonight.
You know, my eyesight is back,
so I'm really looking forward to actually seeing you.
Okay, I'll see ya later. Bye bye.
What is this? Oh, no!
No!
Oh, I did it again!
Wow!
I thought I was early, but there are so many people here already.
They're servers.
I had them dress like guests so my friends wouldn't be all,
ooh, look at Spencer,
with his waiters and his remodeled apartment
and his Swarovski crystal boxer briefs.
Still just a regular guy.
- Gold Leaf Martini. - Yes, please.
You can really taste the gold.
No. No party.
I just want something small.
- Something like... - A total change of plans.
Snoqualmie is out.
Surprise party is in and we have to make it huge!
This is a huge mistake.
She said she wanted to dip a little toe,
not do a belly flop.
I'm telling you, Carly wants...
A quiet drive through the park.
Really? With your driving history?
You're right. I'm not thinking small enough.
Maybe I could just put ice cream on my pie.
I just generally, want to avoid...
People, balloons, a champagne tower!
A surprise party to end all surprise parties.
You heard the letter!
- Carly needs this. - But Harper doesn't.
I really wanted to go to Snoqualmie Falls
so I could throw myself off of it.
Okay.
Let it out.
Dr. Spence is here.
My idol came in to work today.
And instead of being my normal fun,
fabulous, super charismatic, sexy self, I froze up.
It's like when I had dinner with the Dalai Lama.
I was a lousy tipper.
Seven numbers.
Hope you're ready to spend a romantic Saturday
at Clown College.
Joke's on you. I did immersion therapy.
So, now clowns only make me cry sometimes.
Besides, I've got seven numbers too
We're tied.
Not for long. I see a cute girl, and she's definitely queer.
I think you're wrong. She smiled at me.
You have such a reductive understanding
of the spectrum of... Dammit!
Check it out! I accidentally googled myself.
Wow! Super famous sculptor.
And look at that net worth!
- Whereas I... - Work at Skybucks.
Which means free lattes.
And if you're in the mood, a muffin.
I'm sorry, do I know you?
Or you?
No, but if you call me sometime...
No! Call me, girl. I'm the muffin.
[gasping]
What is her problem?
I don't know. Probably gluten intolerant.
Hey, you earned your success.
You're the guy who made the
marshmallow White House sculpture.
The way that it was half melted to reflect
our disintegrating democracy.
Such a brave statement.
It was an accident.
I left it next to my cell phone,
which broke out into a spontaneous fire.
Anyway, now I own a falcon named Jericho.
Wow. I clearly did it all wrong.
Pursued my dreams, married for love,
two divorces, and a failed start up later.
I'm back living with my mom.
Maybe instead of figuring out my next tech venture,
I'll just melt some marshmallows.
Ha! I'll sue you into the ground.
Oh, you over packin' too?
I brought three evening gowns and zero bras.
I want to be ready for anything.
Anything!
I may want a fall-side margarita.
Where is it?
- Wait, stop! - What?
Her secret stash of things,
my mom won't allow in our apartment.
I'm telling you, there isn't one.
It's in the drawer across from the sink.
You just made the list!
No!
Ooh, that's a nice touch!
- You're off the list. - Yes!
- You wanted to see me? - Yes! Okay.
Which one of these things
can I add to the sculpture to make you like it?
Spencer, that's not what this is a...
- Are those my sunglasses? - Maybe.
Or maybe they're art.
Oh come on. Who cares what I think?
Me! Me cares.
But, why does "Me" care?
What, just cause I'm young, cool,
and probably the hottest person you'll ever meet in real life?
Yeah! All those!
When you made the sculpture, you were inspired,
and you loved it.
That's all that matters.
I'll buy you a car, if you say you like it.
You are lucky I do not have parking