Hi, this is Phyllis Tarbox with Above and Beyond Christian counseling and today I'd like
to talk to you about a topic we don't talk about much adultery and forgiveness
and forgiveness is not trust I hear this in counselling often I have forgiven my
offender but I do not trust him does that sound familiar well guess what that
is a perfectly acceptable statement forgiveness is a requirement by God but
Trust is earned when I am counseling couples the two are often confused so
I'd like to just share a couple of stories with you based on adultery
because I think this outlines it really clearly the first couple that I had came
in dealing with a reeling from adultery the husband had lied he got caught
said he was sorry and expected the wife to forgive him she did but she told me
she did not trust him the husband felt like he had been transparent long enough
after just three months of good behavior he expected full reconciliation and the
subject dropped and forgotten the wife sat on my couch like in tears because
her feelings were being minimized and her concerns were being silenced this
gave the enemy fertile ground for the demonic Kingdom to root in the wife's
heart that's when demons of bitterness enter
rest resentment frustration impatience and anger they do their best work in
concealed dark places of silence but God heals in the lights confronting the
wound makes you stronger but concealing it gives the enemy a
battleground this couple did not reconcile because the husband did not
have a repentant heart however the wife was able to forgive set
clear boundaries and turn her heart to doubt alone she came in for a look for
deliverance and she set her eyes on the future
and she got set free her husband went back to the other woman and fell into a
downward cycle that separated him from God the second couple came in broken the
husband had confessed to having an affair and he asked the wife to forgive
him he had a contrite and humble heart that was really convicted by God he was
repentant who was willing to submit to full transparency he actually gave her
full access to his cell phone Facebook and email and then he severed all ties
with the other woman changed jobs and went through
deliverance he was set free and healed but the wife struggled with bitterness
for a long time her admissions his admission of this affair shocked her
after 30 years of marriage and it wounded her heart and she admitted she
wanted him punished but because of the husband's love for the wife God
prevailed and she eventually came in for deliverance and chose to fix her eyes
forward on the future along with her husband at her side and they are a
testimony for dealing with adultery so I'd like to give you five trust
takeaways to help with this number one Trust takes time there are no there are
time limits in the Bible for grieving and other things but there are no time
limits for rebuilding trusts with adultery I often suggest that the
offender be open to a time of questioning along with the transparency
of all social media and text messages however there is a time limit for
testing and much like punishment it has a beginning and an end if this time is
not defined it will render the offender hopeless both spouses need to plan to
move forward with deliverance and from what I'm from that point on it can all
be put under the blood of Jesus Christ and healed this path is essential to
couples in crisis and it's also why they need a longer amount of time in
counseling before deliverance without deliverance couples end up
babysitting demons and there they end up waiting for them to manifest and then it
ends up becoming a tormenting cycle of distrust because those spirits have lost
and bitterness are not cast out so number two look for the humble and
contrite heart of repentance getting caught in the act and saying I'm sorry
is not going to manifest the fruit of the Spirit the offender needs to own
their sin and not you sorry just to smooth out the relationship and expect
the subject dropped the true fruit of the Holy Spirit needs to be seen in a
person's life before trust can be fully established number three set clear
boundaries and goals for your marriage the most loving thing you can do for
your offender is to set boundaries they can understand and work toward without
clear instruction it becomes a guessing game and press guessing game of
frustration for both spouses number four don't rush the process seeds are planted
they take time to grow I see too many couples rushed and make compromises with
God's timing and end up circling the mountain over and over again
number five adultery is not always the end of a marriage but it takes two
people committed to God willing to forgive and take the time to rebuild a
foundation of trust if you're in the battle give us a call deliverance for
both husband and wife should be part of your path to reconciliation
I hope this blessed you today have a great week
you