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hey there everybody and welcome to this video on 10 tips for verbal crisis de-escalation
i'm your host dr donnelly snipes
crisis represents danger and opportunity and one of my mentors once said change causes crisis and
crisis causes change when something changes whether it's something we try to change or
something that changes despite our best efforts it puts us in a state of feeling vulnerable and
feeling out of control and possibly in crisis so it's important to remember that a person who
is in crisis is often feeling out of control which means there's an opportunity
there's an opportunity for them to figure out okay where do i go from here but when they're
in crisis when they're feeling out of control they're feeling threatened which is not a place
where they're going to be able to think clearly that's where you're in danger so first is calming
and helping the person get into their wise mind and second is opportunity and that's where you
work with the person when they're in their wise mind to figure out okay this is where we're at
what is the best way to improve the next moment where do you want to go from here
people in crisis feel unsafe and powerless and are trying to regain those things and it's important
that we recognize that regardless of how they are displaying it some people will withdraw
some people will get drunk some people will have a very emotional display but ultimately
all of those people are feeling unsafe and powerless and they're trying to figure out
how do i make this feeling stop how do i either feel more empowered or just make the feeling stop
these feelings may come from what is going on in the moment
so something could have happened that triggered them and threw them into crisis
or something that happened in the moment triggered them but not because there's a
problem right now but because it reminded them of something from the past and that threw them
into crisis so it's important to recognize that sometimes people will be triggered
by what we might think is a relatively benign situation but it is bringing up memories traumas
problems from the past and all of a sudden they're feeling like they're back there again
people who are in crisis may also trigger crisis memories in those responding to them
so when the person who is responding when the responder is in crisis then the respondee
or the person that originally was in crisis is going to have more difficulty trusting them
and feeling safe because they're looking at you going well you're supposed to be the one that's
in control and yeah i'm not seeing it so it's important to recognize that people in crisis
can trigger your stuff as well and even if you keep it under wraps or keep it contained while
you're handling that situation you may need to process it after the crisis situation because it
may have opened some old wounds for you so what are these 10 tips get grounded so you know you
are safe in the moment this is before you even approach them get grounded look around go okay
i'm safe right now i can see that there are no apparent threats we're good
breathe and maintain that slow breathing when you breathe slowly and deeply it
triggers the relaxation response which manually overrides the stress response so if you focus
on your breathing it's going to help you avoid starting to have a an extreme stress reaction
so take a couple of slow deep breaths breathe in for four hold for four exhale for four hold for
four and maybe do it again before you approach the person okay whether you're sitting in your car and
you've got to approach them because they're on a park bench or if you are having to respond to
their home because you're an apartment manager and you got a call about you know ruckus going
on in the household whatever it is take a few breaths get yourself centered taking this extra
30 seconds or a minute to get grounded and get focused is going to be a lot more beneficial
than rushing in there get the person's attention generally without touching them a lot of people
when they are in crisis are feeling out of control and unsafe so touching them can make them
respond with aggression they may not even think about it they may just flail because don't
touch me okay we don't want to invade somebody's physical boundaries when they're already feeling
unsafe if they are sitting or standing walk around until you can get in front of them so you can make
eye contact if they are sitting or staring at the ground you know especially if they're sitting sit
next to them and try to get in their line of sight that will help you make contact with them
but don't touch there are a few exceptions to this especially with very very small children
but as a general rule if you're going to touch it's important to ask ahead of time definitely
not before you've made contact with the person you don't want to put your hand on their shoulder and
try to spin them around and go hey let's talk that's going to be bad so get their attention
listen to what's going on or look at what's going on if they're crying if they are just
devastated okay it doesn't take a genius to see that if they are enraged about something
okay it doesn't take a genius to see that either so identify what they're feeling
i see that you are really terrified right now or i see that you are really
enraged or other words that may be more appropriate that youtube wouldn't like
okay tell them you want to help and you would like to know what's going on i see that you
are devastated i i really want to help you i see that you're feeling just completely overwhelmed
can we talk about this can you tell me what's going on because i really want to help
genuine compassion goes a long way however genuine compassion with acknowledgement of where they are
a lot of times well-meaning people will come up to them and the first thing they say is calm down
uh-uh if i could calm down i'd be doing that already don't start with calm down please
validate or acknowledge whatever word you want to use how they're feeling right now i can see
that you're feeling this way and that has got to be terrifying i really want to help you
and would like to know what's going on that phrase or paragraph right there goes so far
the next step you want to hear what's going on but when people have an audience if it was an anger
situation they may feel like they've got to save face so it's going to be harder to de-escalate
them if it is anxiety they you know again may feel unsafe but the more people are around and watching
them the more it's going to increase their anxiety they feel like they're under a microscope
if they're in crisis regardless of the emotion anger anxiety devastation
let's move we can either sit down here and get the bystanders to go away
sometimes that's what you need to do because the person doesn't want to move or can't move
ideally you help them move to another safe place you can walk
when i worked in residential and we would have residents that would get into a an altercation
one counselor would take one resident and another counselor would take another resident and we would
walk separate places in the on the property because walking actually helps people calm down
and there's a lot of explanation behind that that you probably don't care about right now
but when people walk it can help it's also less threatening to walk and talk because
you're side by side when you're looking at somebody face to face it can feel
intimidating or threatening or feel like they're judging so walking and talking puts you in a
neutral situation likewise if you sit and talk make sure that if they're sitting you're sitting
if you're standing you're taking a power position that may feel threatening to them
offer them a piece of gum i know you're like what
they found and harvard research has actually found that chewing gum stimulates the vagus nerve
stimulates the nerves that are connected through the face and trigger the relaxation response
so offer them a piece of gum they don't even have to blow bubbles with it they can just
chewing it often helps trigger that relaxation response so you've got another little tool in your
toolbox attempt to help them get to a place where they have privacy and no audience so
either walk somewhere if you're an apartment manager ideally help them walk to
maybe the the manager your office in the or the clubhouse where you can talk make sure
that you're not putting yourself in any sort of dangerous situation you know you don't but also
you're trying to remove the audience that way they don't feel um like they're on display they don't
feel like they're being judged they don't feel like they've got to continue to make a statement
then let them tell their story and avoid invalidating their beliefs
okay so you've acknowledged what you're observing as far as what you think they're feeling right now
you've said you want to help you've taken steps to get them to a place where they have some privacy
now you you're going to let them tell their story and you're going to hear it from their perspective
their perspective is their perspective you don't have to agree you just need to hear
it from their perspective and try to imagine what it must be like from their perspective
and then ask them what they see as a solution this is a step
towards giving them back control and empowering them to make the next make the next move what
is it that needs to happen to resolve this situation and how can i help once you get them
thinking once you ask that question you've moved them from their emotional mind to their wise mind
and then you can work together to make a plan so it sounds really simple it can be very um
exhausting and it can feel very overwhelming at times but some of the key points are to
make sure not to invalidate the person's thoughts or feelings they're theirs and to not invalidate
their space their boundaries you don't want to touch them unless you've been given permission
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crisis from most people equates to feeling out of control crisis de-escalation requires
a calm comforting presence that helps the person feel heard safe and empowered to regain control
de-escalating a crisis can feel awesome but it can also reopen old wounds for you
it's important throughout the de-escalation process to remain aware of whether you're
reacting to your to the situation in the moment or stuff from your past so maybe you're interacting
with somebody and you start feeling really frustrated and irritable with them is it
something they're doing or have you been in a similar situation in the past and you got
angry or frustrated because the person wouldn't do what you wanted
other videos that might be helpful include crisis intervention and promoting resilience that's a
much longer video doc snipes dot com slash crisis listening to help doc snipes dot com slash empathy
and creating the life you want doc snipes dot com slash life a ceu course on crisis
intervention is also available at all ceus.com slash crisis dash ceu