Good Morning Hank, it’s Tuesday If there’s one thing I’ve learned
from 104 year old Elisabeth Sullivan it’s that if you want to have
a long and happy life, drink Dr. Pepper.
Elisabeth: This stuff is good, it’s got sugary,
and three–two doctors have told me that if I drink it,
I will die. But they died first.
John: So today I am going to be blind taste testing. Dr. Pepper,
Diet Dr. Pepper, and three meaningless knock offs.
Hold on actually, I have to go vote.
Aaand I have voted, and implore you to do the same.
Alright, let’s taste a real one and some fake ones
Uhhhhg. You know what it tastes like?
It tastes kind of like, if Dr. Pepper were John Coletrane’s
A Love Supreme This would be uuuh…
I can also blow into a saxophone. Alright onto number two.
Oh…
Mmmmm…
Aah….
That is Diet Dr. Pepper It’s not sweet
I guess there’s a tiny chance it’s the whole foods Dr. Pepper.
Like, the Zevia Dr. Pepper,
But I’m almost positive that’s Diet Dr. Pepper,
So, I’m gonna try the third one now Oh boy..
Mmmm…
Holy crap that’s bad
WOW!
That makes the first one taste like A Love Supreme
WOW!
Jesus Christ!
That’s worse than water
It tastes way too cherry
The thing you have to understand about Dr. Pepper
Is that Dr. Pepper was invented by Charles Alderton who was a chemist.
That’s essential to understanding what makes Dr. Pepper interesting.
It’s the product of a chemist. And the chemist wasn’t trying to make
a soda that tasted like lemon lime or like citrus.
He was trying to make a soda
that tasted like the soda fountain at the Waco pharmacy smelled.
He wanted it in its essence to be artificial.
This tastes like it is going for a taste, which is all wrong.
Like, you don’t want to go for cherry, or go for cola,
or go for sassafras roots and have a root beer.
You want to go for the way the human wants a soda to taste.
By the way, if that’s Dr. Pepper, I retire.
I retire from public life, I walk away,
I do something else with the rest of my life.
Let’s go to number four. (mouth smacking sound)
Oh, I feel even more confident now.
Mmmmm…
It’s so bad,
Jesus Christ!
Mmm….
(mouth smacking sound)
I’m, I mean I guess it could be Mr. Pibb
Let me go back and taste #1
No, no
I’m like 80-90% sure that’s Dr. Pepper
The complexity
It reminds me of Widmann’s Leaves of Grass
Do I contradict myself very well,
then I contradict myself, I contain multitudes.
That contains multitudes
Hold on, I want to compare it to what I think is Diet Dr. Pepper,
make sure that I’m right.
Oh, yeah, I mean that’s gotta be it, right?
Those are like the same cord played at a different octave you know?
Part of what makes Diet Dr. Pepper so magical
Like for a long time their catch phrase was “It tastes more like regular Dr. Pepper,
which it really does, Because, if I’m right–
Hold on
You know what
Before I start talking a big game, I should taste the fifth one
It’s not bad, I just feel like
I’ve been so confident and somewhat cavalier
And now I’m starting to second guess myself.
Like, I think–I think
That is Diet Dr. Pepper
Aaah…
That is very sugary– And it has some layers,
but it’s not Dr. Pepper, I don't think It has a similar problem to the first one,
which is that there’s plenty of sugar There’s plenty of sweetness,
but there isnt’ that multidudinousness
Now I'm getting nervous
I know what Diet Dr. Pepper and Dr. Pepper tastes like
Ok, John One more time
That is Diet Dr. Pepper Please God be Diet Dr. Pepper,
I’m gonna be in so much trouble if you’re not
Yes! YES!
Okay, then this is 100% Dr. Pepper
YEESSSS Oh, thank goodness
The remaining three, it doesn't actually matter to me that much
because they’re not Dr. Pepper. That’s the important thing
Umm.. I’m gonna guess that the really
really bad one is the Whole Foods Dr. Pepper
It almost tastes like cough syrup to be honest with you
YESS
So I think, this is the umm.. Kroger one
Dr. K, because it’s better, and in my experience
store brand knock offs are better than like coke or pepsi knock off
Dr K?
Oh, Mr. Pibb,
they call it Spicy Cherry Soda Well, I’ll tell you one thing that it’s not–
Spicy
Now I know what you’re wondering Hank, John…
How are you going to turn this into a sock commercial.
Don’t you worry your pretty little face. So Dr. Zevia is like ugly socks
that get holes quickly that also have like uncomfortable seams
Then we have like cool-ish socks
that just get holes in them really fast so they don’t turn out to be that cheap
because you can’t wear them that many times.
And for me, the Mr. Pibb of socks is like, fancy socks,
like these socks are supposed to be for working out and they have
all of these bells and whistles, but the thing is I prefer to work out
in my Awesome Socks socks, because they’re just more comfortable.
Then we come to the Dr. Pepper of socks The Awesome Socks.
These socks are perfect And 100% of the proceeds go to charity
That actually is a distinct difference between our company and Dr. Pepper
I know you’re wondering, but John–
What is the Diet Dr. Pepper of socks,
Well I’ll tell you, our new ankle socks,
which I don’t have with me because I just started making them.
So whether you like ankle socks or regular socks–
awesomesocks.club Link in the doobliedoo
Hank, I will see you on Friday