hey there A.J. Mahari here i'll have more to talk about on codependency coming for sure
but i just wanted to concentrate right now on what codependency isn't codependency isn't a disease
codependency isn't quote the disease of addiction codependency isn't what it used to be referred to
back in the 1940s that you were the co to the dependent to the alcoholic or the drug addict that
you were the code to the dependent person that you were enabling it doesn't work in today's lens
that yes mental health professionals know quite a bit about psychologists know quite a bit about
i'm an expert in frequent aloud so i've been working with people 31 years on this step through
the lens of adverse experience codependency is not a disease not an addiction not the separation of
the word meaning that when you have codependency you don't have dependency oh yes you do
and it comes from childhood right so no disrespect or no judgment intended with this and the other
thing about codependency that people really need to know that it isn't it's not narcissistic
it's not the same as bpd it's not like npd codependency is also not defined anymore as
just being an enabler codependency is not the result of one attachment style versus another
there are different attachment styles within codependency and codependency is not something
that is predicated on one's attachment style therefore codependency is non-existent as many in
attachment theory will argue so codependency is not centered around or defined by one's attachment
style codependency comes from adverse childhood experience it is onset in childhood and then
you develop this unhealthy relational pattern and an unhealthy relationship to him with self
because you don't get enough of your needs met or for various reasons codependency is also not
the same as cptsd complex post-traumatic stress disorder codependency is not post-traumatic stress
disorder can people with codependency also have cptsd yes in some cases that could be very likely
however it's not accurate and people in the us especially are getting diagnosed with ptsd
after relationship with somebody with bpd or npd and why why is that well again the
limitations in the ridiculous nature apa with the pseudoscience of and hegemony with big pharma
because post-traumatic stress disorder is defined centrally defined as one specific
really adverse experience so it's not defined or traumatic experience it's not
it's not the same as complex post-traumatic stress disorder so it's really important to
know that because if you do get a diagnosis of ptsd from a mental health professional
then there they may not really be understanding the degree to which and the depth to which
codependency can is understood through the lens of trauma so codependency is not a disease it is
not the same as addiction it is not just that you are the co-part of co-dependency because the other
person the border the narcissist is dependent on you the way they used to talk about it in the 40s
and 50s and whatever that you were the co of the codependency because back then they they had it
all tied in like i said with being an alcoholic or an addict and you were the person that was the co
and in the enabler of the person that was dependent on you no now it's it's much
more than that so but i'm here to focus on what codependency isn't so codependency isn't ptsd it
doesn't cause ptsd it doesn't even cause cptsd but you could have cptsd with the codependency
how does that work well complex post-traumatic stress disorder to be clear here because a lot of
not clear or correct information up there online cptsd has its onset in childhood it it isn't
really accurate to say that after the relationship with the borderline or the bp relationship break
up or after surviving you know the bpd and narc relationship trauma in whatever relationship that
was because often for people it's childhood and creates codependency which is trauma based and
then it's also going to come again be layered and be a re-traumatizing experience when you're with
the borderline or the narcissist so in those toxic unhealthy trauma-bonded relationships you are not
the co you know the enabler only of the person with bp or npd who is the dependent on you no
it's a trauma bond and the codependency goes between people with bpd and codependency
and non-cluster b codependents and people with npd and codependency and non-cluster b
codependents it's erroneous and reductionist and overly simplistic to compare uh borderline
personality or narcissistic personality which aren't the same by the way bp is not a form of npd
it's reductionist to compare them to like being an alcoholic or a drug addict and some people i guess
who've had these issues in their life of addiction they do give erroneous information because their
whole lens of seeing everything comes for first and foremost through their addiction lens and
the 12-step group nonsense because that's another thing codependency the 12 steps are not the remedy
for what codependency really is and here i'm focusing on what it really isn't right so it's
important that you hear a little bit more you know about what it isn't as opposed to what it is
and i have lots on the channel about what it is i have more coming i have a podcast i'm going
to get back to on codependency and codependency recovery you can check for that anywhere online
where you might like to listen to podcasts i have another new podcast coming in like if not by the
end of today soon and you can check for that also at aj muharram but you can find it wherever
you know it'll take a day or two to get into the podcast feed and then of course
my surviving vpd relationship breakup podcast which is going to get a little bit more content
coming soon than the channel so you might want to be following the podcast too and you might enjoy
as many people have told me they enjoy listening to the podcast because you can really do that
on the go people do that with videos too but it's easier with podcasts so anyway codependency is not
what it was defined as initially many you know decades ago to do with just addicts or alcoholics
but the intergenerational trauma and the nature of codependency from generation to generation which
is childhood woundiness and trauma to one degree or another various degrees for different people
it it does often there might be an alcoholic or a drug
in a family but it's not about their addiction in the way that it was thought that it was
it's more that the child of an alcoholic or a drug addict is not going to be getting their emotional
needs met so it comes back more to a trauma-based reality but that's more about what it is
and and here i set out to really tell you what codependency is not not a disease not
like an addiction not a form of alcoholism or drug addiction you're not the co in the word dependency
with the borderline or the narcissist or even if they are a substance abuser or an alcoholic
you're not the co to their dependency you have your own codependency so yes codependency does
mean that you have learned in childhood unhealthy dependency so and when you have codependency
you do not have a healthy or functional relationship to yourself
that's what people need to get into therapy to work on among a plethora of other things
in what is a complex but doable recovery process from the cluster b relationship and also
from codependency itself family abortion work inner child healing and many more moving pieces
and of course if you resonate with me i'm out here to work with you and you can check
for where to purchase sessions at aj mahari dot ca so that's a little bit about what codependency
isn't and i'll have much more coming on maybe more on what it isn't and more on what it is