Hey.
It's Jack and Clayton.
And we're here to talk to you about Seven Signs That He's Not That Into You.
And we have this as a common kind of complaint from women.
It’s like, “I'm investing all this time and it's not really going anywhere, or how
do I know which kind of guys (the right guy) to invest in?”
So, if you're interested in that question you're gonna love this video.
So, do you want to open us up?
So, the first point is that he won't connect with you more than twice a week.
I'm not talking about text messages but we're talking about actually deep conversations
or actually seeing you more than twice a week.
Long-distance relationship is a different story.
But in this context if he's not willing to actually be in your presence or emotionally
connect with you more than twice a week, then he's not really investing.
What's actually happening is he's investing just enough to keep the connection alive but
he's not forwarding or deepening the interactions in the connection with you.
Point number two is that he's not being that vulnerable with you.
So, this is a good chance just to slow down a little bit and tune in and notice how deeply
is he really revealing himself to you.
How connected is he willing to be with you.
How much does he share his challenges and his issues and get your support on them, or
is it more like we're going on with having fun having some dates right but there's not
really a deepening connection there.
And there's always a limit to how connected you can be if either of you isn't willing
to reveal more deeply right.
Self-revelation is the key ingredient in deepening intimacy.And also, a quick point on that it's
that he's revealing his challenges, revealing perhaps what he's going through, not as a
way to distance himself right.
Saying, “Oh yeah I'm going through all these challenges therefore I can't give you enough
time.”
Or using it as an excuse or some type of way to deflect intimacy but rather he's sharing
his challenges to create intimacy and to create connection with you.
I like that.
And so, the third point is that he won't introduce you to his friends.
So, you've been seeing him for a while, maybe it's been a couple months now, yet you don't
really know who he hangs out with, so there is something to just know have your antenna
go up.
If he's not bringing you into his life and introducing you to his friends it's probably
not that serious or he doesn't actually see you as somebody that is worthy of introducing
to his friends.
And it might not necessarily have to do with you but it's because that he doesn't see a
future vision with you we're getting you tied up with his is something that is comfortable
or even accessible for him right now.
Maybe that that's just not the sort of natural flow of the way that you two relate from whatever
reason right.
So, it may not be that he's sort of being deceptive and like, “Oh I'm kind of keeping
you quiet and not introducing you with my friends.”
It'll just be, “that's not really what feels like I want to do with you.”
And if that's true you want to know about that and you get to choose if I want to be
in that kind of relationship.
So, point four is about dimensions of relating with a man and you might know that he's just
not the one for you.
If you really have what we're calling one dimensional relating and that can sound like
a fancy phrase but what it really means is that there's only really one domain of life
or relationship that you're in with him right.
So, maybe you always visit each other at your houses but you never go on a trip together,
you never hang out with friends, you never go to the movies, you don't go on public restaurant
dates, and probably play ball on the park, right.
So, there's this kind of restriction or box whether it's been named or not and that's
really the box that you guys are playing in and we're not making that wrong.
We're just encouraging you to notice it and if you notice that's not what you want the
us you have a multi-dimensional relationship with a man and you're ready for that then,
this may be a sign that he's just not that into you right.
Well he's not into you enough that he wants to play although the natural flow is for you
guys to play and hang out in different domains.
Now this is next point – point 5, this might seem incredibly obvious for some and for some
maybe not it comes up a lot.
And it's if a man actually says Point Blank, he doesn't know if he can give you what you
need.
Or, I've had women tell me before he says he feels like a wild animal or that he's not
enough point in his life where he can really give me the attention that I want.
I think that some people can get it in their mind that it's just a matter of waiting around
for him or perhaps convincing him of your value or that he's gonna change his mind if
he just sees how much you care about him and how much of a support you can really be, and
nine times out of ten I would actually say probably ninety-nine hundred, you're not gonna
change him.
Because as Jack alluded to earlier he is in a certain stage of his own masculine development
and if he is able to articulate that he is not ready for a relationship or he's not ready
to meet you where you want to be met, believe him.
Believe him because he's just not that into you or he's just not available for what it
is that you're wanting.
There's an important piece in there which is early on in dating with a man, it's like
actually listen to what he's telling you whether directly or indirectly about what he is available
for.
And most men actually as long as they don't feel too judged or threatened, they will reveal
that right.
When they're kind of making it clear that they're not that available that's probably
the truth.
You know rather than you kind of being in some fantasy about all make him be more available.
No, you don't want to miss a line with the key energy of the wearer where a guy's going.
I think a lot of women, in men too, this is maybe a wave that human beings look at other
human beings in regard a relationship.
Sometimes we hold the highest standard is this checklist of whether we should be in
a relationship with them.
So, “oh do they have a good job?
Are they good-looking?
Do they dress well?
Are they confident?
Do they hold them themselves?”
Well, I would say perhaps the highest point of measurement about whether or not you should
be investing the person is not who they are necessarily as an individual but rather what
is the quality of the connection they are available for.
Put that is a priority over who they are and you may find yourself not wasting so much
time on dead ends with men.
I love that.
Alright so in at six we have, he's not including you in his plants.
So, this is another way that you might notice now that he's not into you, is that he's not
really furthering plans with you in the future right.
So, maybe he's talking about some work to do that's gonna happen and he's not talking
about you coming with him you know.
Or, he's not talking about, “hey what do we want to do next month?”
He's talking about what he wants to do next month maybe he's got plans to travel you know,
they're not co-plans.
And again, none of this is about making him wrong, it's about you right.
It's about what you want and are you getting it?
And you actually being sober this sounds super sexy sometimes right but you being sober,
“if this guy's not really willing to make plans with me and we've been hanging out for
a long time, he's probably not willing to make plans with me?”
And do you want to be in relationship with the guy that's not wanting to make plans with
you?
Good point.
So, lastly number seven you feel like you are subtly chasing him where you feel like
you are constantly initiating.
And if that is the dynamic where you are consistently initiating, look if he's into you will know
it he will typically step forward and there will be initiation on his part that is more
than twice a week.
And if you are feeling like you are chasing him down not only is he probably not that
into you but you're also possibly filling a space in between the two of you where he
isn't given the opportunity to step into his masculine and actually claim you as his woman.
We have some other videos where we talk about that actually and in fact it seems like it
dovetails nicely into our next point which is we've got a webinar coming up that you
can actually register for it below this video.
And we talked about how the dynamic that goes into a man actually claiming a woman.
It’s one of the points.
And how to position yourself in a way where you are not strong-arming him into trying
to commit to you but rather you are setting up the dynamic to where it's completely his
choice and he wants to do that.
Absolutely.
There's a couple other distinctions to that we put in there.
This is a profound webinar.
I mean I'm really happy to say we put a lot of time and energy into this.
Possibly more than you know, I've been teaching now for coming up 15 years probably more than
any particular segment of teaching because we wanted to make this really accessible but
at the same time profound and potent so there's a lot of distilled wisdom in this.
The whole thing last for 90 minutes but you'll find within that you'll probably have some
shifts in your relationships and one of the things that we distinguish is what is the
organizing question that a man is asking from the moment he meets you through to the moment
that maybe he wants to commit with you.
What is the question that he's asking and how does that question break down into sub
questions that you can actually do something to influence.
So, you don’t want to not miss that.
So, if you want to register click the link below this video right now.
All you have to do is enter in your email, pick a time that works for you and we will
see you on the webinar.
We're really excited about it.
We'll see you there.