Everything was incredible and it only
started to kinda go downhill I think when I started
to hit puberty and really puberty though
at like 17 and my metabolism was like slowing down
massively and I was gaining weight
and then there was the social media scrutiny and everything.
That was when it kind of hit me.
Did social media cause you to get depressed?
I think it contributed.
I wouldn't say that was the main reason.
I think it's ya know, some sort of chemical imbalance,
but I think it definitely was a bit of a catalyst.
Are you what I call SMS, social media sensitive?
Yeah.
Were you then, are you now?
I think I was more so then.
I'm learning to not be so much now.
Yeah. But yeah like,
you see 10 great comments and you ignore them,
but one negative comment and it just like throws you off.
What would people say that bothered you?
What kind of thing would bother you?
So, the character that I play on my show is called Sansa
and people used to write, "Damn, Sansa gained 10 pounds,"
or, "Sansa needs to lose 10 pounds," or, "Sansa got fat."
Really?
Yeah, it was just a lot of weight comments.
Or I have like spotty skin 'cause I was a teenager
and that's normal and I used to get a lot of comments
about my skin and my weight
and how I wasn't a good actress and things like that.
I used to get called wooden a lot.
Still do.
And that bothered you?
Yeah.
And what would you say to yourself about that?
I would just believe it.
I would just say, "Yeah, I am spotty, I am fat.
"I am a bad actress and I just believed it."
So, you would go to work the next day.
How would that affect you when you went to do
your scenes the next day?
Well, I'd get them to tighten my corset a lot.
I'd be like, "Make it tighter, make it tighter."
Gotta put your back pulled.
Yeah, like pulling.
I just got very, very self conscious.
I would try out different things with my acting.
I actually wasn't angry about the fact that
people said I was wooden because it kind of inspired me
to try new methods of acting and things like that.
So I wasn't that mad about that but,
I would be concerned about angles.
I'd be concerned about my face.
I have a big nose and everyone used to love to tell me that
and so I would be like, I don't know how to angle myself
and it would just affect me creatively.
And I couldn't be true to the character 'cause I was so
worried about Sophie.
Right.
And do you think it caused you to do a worse job
or a better job?
I think a worse job.
Really?
Yeah, I think so.
Did you tell people that it was bothering you?
Did you tell your Director or anybody
that it was bothering you? No.
No, I'm so passive.
I'll let anyone do anything and let them do
whatever angle they want but I have a friend, Maisie,
who was on the show with me and she's just a year
younger than me and she and I were growing up together.
She was my best friend and so, she was the only one
that I really told about all of it.
So, how many weeks or months or year would you shoot?
Uh, months total, it would be like a seven month shoot
out of a year. Yeah.
But there'd be breaks in between?
Yeah.
Yeah and when there were breaks,
would you stay inside, stay in your room,
stay in bed?
Oh yeah, yeah.
I would, Maisie and I used to do it together.
We would, I think being friends with each other
was quite destructive 'cause we were going
through the same thing and so, we used to get home
from set, go to a Tesco's across the road,
like a little supermarket and just buy food
and go back to our room and just eat it in bed
and we never socialized for about, for a couple of years.
Really?
Yeah, we didn't socialize with anyone but ourselves.
Yeah and when you say depressed,
how did that express for you?
Just by being withdrawn?
Yeah, withdrawn.
I had no motivation to do anything or go out
or even with my best friends, I wouldn't want to see them.
I wouldn't want to go out and eat with them,
would cry and cry and cry over just getting changed
and having to put on clothes and be like,
"I can't do this.
"I can't do outside, I can't."
I have nothing that I want to do.
Yeah and it never occurred to you that 99.9999999%
of the girls in the world would love to be you?
(chuckles) I don't know.
I don't know.
I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
I think, I was in a really special position
and I count myself as very lucky for that but I don't think
I viewed myself as worthy of anything that I was doing.
How did you explain all of your success?
I mean, here you're on the,
arguably the most successful series
or one of the two or three maybe.
The Sapranos, maybe Friends, I don't know.
Certainly on the short list of the most successful series
in the history of television.
Right.
And you are a anchor role in that series.
Yeah.
Out of millions of actresses, it's you.
How do you explain that to yourself?
Just blind, shit house lucky?
I think, I don't know, I think I got lucky
'cause my audition was really bad for the show,
so I have no idea why they cast me.
Lucky probably.
(laughs) I don't know.
Yeah and then, it was also lucky that they kept
that character and that role for seven years?
How do you explain that?
Well--
'Cause they kill everybody.
They do kill everybody, it's true.
But they didn't kill you.
They didn't kill me, but I guess I was still alive
in the book, so they had to, I don't know,
I'm just making excuses.
Well I'm just wondering what your internal dialog was.
How did you explain that you were there?