BIG NEWS, I THINK EVERYBODY MERES KNOWS THIS
GUILLERMO AND HIS WIFE, WYNNE, ARE CURRENTLY AT THE HOSPITAL--
SO A BABY IS ON ITS WAY.
I AM A SO HAPPY.
HAVE WE GOT ANY UPDATES? THEY COULD HAVE IT HAD BY NOW.
>> HE MADE A JOKE ABOUT THE LUNCH MENU EARLIER, ABOUT 11:00.
HE YEAH, I'LL TAKE THE SALMON, YOU KNOW.
>> YOU KNOW WHAT THAT ENMOOS.
>> James: HE WAS ALREADY AT THE HOSPITAL.
>> WE GOT A TEXT AT 4 A.M.
SAYING HE WAS ON HIS WAY.
>> James: OH MY GOD.
>> YEAH, PROBABLY ALREADY HAPPENED AT SOME POINT.
>> James: WE SHOULD PROBABLY JUST SAY, WILL YOU FACETIME
GUILLERMO.
>> I ACTUALLY MY PHONE IN MY OFFICE TODAY.
>> James: DID YOU REALLY?
DID YOU?
THAT IS SUCH A SMART MOVE.
THAT IS SUCH A SMART MOVE, MAN.
DID WE HEAR ANYTHING BACK FROM PATTI LUPONE?
>> NO.
>> James: HAS THE SHOW HEARD ANYTHING FROM PATTI LUPONE.
>> WE HAVE NOT HEARD ANYTHING FROM PATTI LUPONE.
>> James: I'M SO EXMIGHT-- EXCITED TO WATCH
GUILLERMO MIGHT BE GOING THROUGH AT THIS MOMENT RIGHT NOW.
I AM FINDING IT A LITTLE OVERWHELMING.
AND NOT ONLY THAT, SO, THIS IS EXCITING--
FILLING IN FOR GUILLERMO ON THE DRUMS TONIGHT, IT'S OUR VERY
OWN PRODUCER AND ORIGINAL DRUMMER FOR THE BEASTIE BOYS,
KATE SCHELLENBACH!
IS ON THE SHOW.
OH MY GOSH.
(APPLAUSE) IN ADDITION TO BEING A FOUNDING
MEMBER OF THE BEASTIE BOYS, KATE IS ALSO IN THE BAND
LUSCIOUS JACKSON, WHICH REALLY BEGS THE QUESTION--
IT REALLY DOES BEG THE QUESTION, WHY IS GUILLERMO OUR DRUMMER?
WHY IS IT NOT KATE THE WHOLE TIME?
I MEAN HOW ARE YOU FEELING UP THERE, KATE.
>> I FEEL GOOD, I'M EXCITED,.
>> James: ARE YOU READY?
>> I'M READY.
>> James: YOU LOOK SO GOOD UP THERE.
>> THANKS.
>> James: YOU LACK SO FIERCE, AND ALSO AS A PRODUCER OF THE
SHOW, YOU ARE ALREADY LIGHT AREAS AHEAD OF THE BAND BECAUSE
YOU KNOW WHO IS ON THE SHOW TODAY.
>> Reggie: THAT'S THROUGH.
>> James: YOU CAN PROBABLY NAME A GUEST OFS WHAT ON LAST
WEEK AND I KNOW FOR A FACT NOT ONE OF THEM CAN.
>> BENEDICT COMER BATCH.
>> James: BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH, LOOK, SHE IS IN.
LIGHTNING FAST, YOU KNOW WHAT I SEE WHEN I LOOK AT THE BAND,
HIGH TIDE RAISES ALL THE BOATS, THAT IS WHAT I SEE, NOW KATE,
ARE YOU READY WITH YOUR RIM SHOT.
>> Reggie: CLASSIC.
>> James: OKAY DON'T-- THAT IS HOW MULTITAL EPTED EVERYONE HERE
IS AT THE "LATE, LATE SHOW."
AFTER THE BREAK, IAN'S GOING TO TREAT US TO SOME OF HIS
POLITICAL BEAT POETRY.
>> WAR, PEACHES, HICHI TEA, TIME, TIME TO GO, TIME TO VOTE.
TIME TO JOE, BIDEN HIS TIME.
>> James: WOW.
>> James: LOOK AT THAT.
COULD WE, WILL YOU KEEP US UPDATED IF ANYTHING HAPPENS,
WE'RE GOING TO BE HERE FOR THE NEXT SIX HOURS.
IF ANYTHING.
>> GUILLERMO WISE OR PATTI LUPONEWISE I'M ON IT.
>> James: OKAY, AND CAN SOMEONE GO AND GET DAVE'S PHONE?
>> THE WILL, THAT IS JUST OUR NEW, THAT IS NOT THE NEWS, THE
POPULATION OF AMERICA IS WAITING UP FOR, THEY'RE WAITING FOR THE
NEWS.
(LAUGHTER) >> WOW.
>> James: DAVE, WHEN DID THIS, WHEN DID THAT FLURRY AT THE TOP
COME IN?
>> I WROTE IT.
I STAYED UP ALL NIGHT.
(LAUGHTER).
>> Reggie: WROTE IT LAST NIGHT, HE WROTE IT.
>> James: ALL RIGHT, LET'S THRIE IT AGAIN.
IT'S TIME FOR THE NEWS.
>> James: GOOD EVENING.
AND THIS-- IS THIS-- DO YOU THINK, ROB, DO YOU THINK DURING
THE MONO, DURING THE APPROXIMATE MONO, WE ARE THE NATION'S NEWS.
WE ARE THE MOUTH PIECE.
SHOULD WE START GETTING A KIE RON, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> LET'S GET A CHIRON FOR NEWS, WEATHER, THE 100 INDEX, THAT
SORT OF STUFF.
>> WE CAN START DOING THAT.
>> James: ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
>> THAT IS WHAT PEOPLE WANT IS MORE NEWS FROM YOU.
>> James: THEY JUST SEEM TO WANT MORE NEWS IN GENERAL.
THERE IS NEVER-- THERE'S NEVER BEEN, NEWS HAS NEVER BEEN MORE
EASILY ACCESSIBLE AND YET PEOPLE JUST WANT NEWS.
>> YEAH.
>> James: THAT IS WHAT THEY ARE HERE FOR.
THAT IS WHY MINE AND-- DID YOU CHANGE YOUR HAIR?
WHAT HAS HAPPENED?
>> I HAVEN'T WASHED IT SO-- .
>> James: RIGHT.
>> IN IS HOW IT LOOKS WHEN IT'S UNWASHED.
>> James: HOW OFTEN DO YOU WASH YOUR HAIR.
>> MAYBE LIKE EVERY THREE OR FOUR DAYS.
>> James: RIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER WASH MY HAIR.
>> Reggie: I'M GLAD YOU DON'T.
SOMEONE ELSE DOES IT.
>> James: NO.
>> Reggie: HE ASKED ME.
>> James: ALL RIGHT.
THIS IS EXCITING.
PRESIDENT BIDEN GAVE HIS FIRST OFFICIAL PRESS CONFERENCE TODAY.
HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN ONE SOONER, BUT HE SPENT A FULL MONTH
DECIDING IF HE SHOULD CALL ON REPORTERS WITH A POINT, A FINGER
GUN, OR A WINK.
HE LANDED ON ALL THREE.
BIDEN ANSWERED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BORDER AND VOTING RIGHTS,
AND EVEN ASKED A FEW QUESTIONS OF HIS OWN, LIKE "WHO ARE YOU
PEOPLE?" AND "WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOUSE?"
AT ONE POINT, BIDEN MENTIONED HIS TIME IN THE SENATE.
AND TO BE HONEST, HE'S EVEN MORE EXPERIENCED THAN I THOUGHT.
>> I BELIEVE WE SHOULD GO BACK TO A POSITION OF FILIBUSTER THAT
EXISTED JUST WHEN I CAME IN THE UNITED STATES SENATE, 120 YEARS
AGO.
>> WOW.
>> James: COMICALLY SPEAKING IT SHOULD BE A LESS BELIEVABLE
NUMBER OF YEARSES.
ALTHOUGH I LIKE IT.
I HOPE BIDEN FULLY LEANS INTO COMEDY ON THIS, BRINGS OUT A
STOOL, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, WITH A LITTLE GLASS OF WATER,
SITS ON THE STOOL, YOU KNOW, PASS LEGISLATION ON HOW DATING
IS WEIRD NOW ADAYS THEN LATER, BIDEN WAS ASKED
ABOUT RUNNING FOR RE-ELECTION, AND THE SUBJECT OF DONALD TRUMP
CAME UP.
AND IT CAUSED BIDEN TO GET A LITTLE NOSTALGIC.
ARE YOU DECIDED WHETHER YOU WOULD RUN FOR RE-ELECTION IN
2024, YOU HAVEN'T SET UP A RE-ELECTION CAMPAIGN YET AS YOUR
PREDECESSOR HAD BY THIS TIMES >> MY PREDECESSOR NEEDED TO.
MY PREDECESSOR.
(/
>> James: MALARKEY ALERT!
THE ONLY THING COLDER THAN CALLING HIM "MY PREDECESSOR"
WOULD BE BIDEN GOING "THE GUY THAT LIVED HERE BEFORE ME--
WHO WAS IT.
I CAN'T THINK OF HIS NAME NO NOW.
BUT HE NEEDED TO AT ANOTHER POINT, BIDEN TRIED TO
DISCUSS HIS LEGISLATIVE AGENDA, BUT IT DIDN'T GO SO WELL.
>> SO THE BEST WAY TO GET SOMETHING DONE, IF YOU HOLD NEAR
AND DEAR TO YOU THAT YOU LIKE TO BE ABLE TO--
ANYWAY, WE'RE READY TO GET A LOT DONE.
>> James: LOOK, IT DIDN'T END WITH A STORY ABOUT THAT TIME HE
WENT TO A MALT SHOP, SO I'LL CALL IT A WIN.
I DO.
IN OTHER POLITICAL SNUS SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS WILL BE IN
ALABAMA TO TALK UNIONIZATION WITH WORKERS AT AN AMAZON
FULFILLMENT CENTER IT IS A SHAME, IF THEY SIGNED UP FOR
BERNIE PRIME HE WOULD HAVE ARRIVED TODAY.
DID YOU LIKE THAT, THAT WAS A NICE LITTLE CHUCK EL.
THERE WAS A LOT OF THAT ON HIS FACE, THAT WAS REAL, I LIKED IT.
HOW ARE YOU FEELING, KAILT, FEELING PRETTY GOOD.
>> FEELS GOOD.
>> James: FEELING GOOD.
ANY NEWS.
>> NOTHING HAS COME IN YET.
>> James: ARE YOU FACE TIMING HIM.
>> OH GOD, THAT IS INTERESTING.
>> James: FACE TIME GUILLERMO, SEE IF HE PICKS UP.
>> Reggie: YEAH, GIVE HIM A TRY, GOOD LUCK.
>> James: FACE TIME GUILLERMO.
>> OH MY GOD.
>> James: IF HE IS HOLDING A BABY, I WILL CRY MY EYES OUT.
G!
(LAUGHTER) >> HE SAW YOU AND HUNG UP.
>> GET READY FOR A TEXT.
>> James: HE'S CALLING BACK, HE'S CALLING BACK.
G, WHAT IS GOING DOWN?
>> SORRY, MAN, WE ARE STILL WAITING.
WE'RE STILL WAITING.
>> James: STILL WAITING.
>> YEAH, YOU GUYS ARE INTERRUPTING MY LUNCH, I'M
TAKING A LUNCH BREAK.
>> James: HANG ON, WHAT YOU ARE SAYING IS YOU COULD HAVE
TECHNICALLY DONE THE SHOW?
(LAUGHTER) IMAGINE IF GUILLERMO HAD
ANSWERED AND WAS ON THE BEACH.
WELL LISTEN, WE ARE THINKING ABOUT YOU.
WE'RE SO EXCITED FOR WHAT IS ABOUT TO BEGIN FOR YOU.
WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH, MAN.
AND KATE IS AMAZING SO YOU ARE ALSO UNEMPLOYED BUT GOOD LUCK.
LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BUDDY, EVERYBODY, GUILLERMO IS DOING
IT, WE LOVE YOU.
SEE YOU, MAN.
BYE.
LOVEIA.
I LOVE A BABY.
I DO.
I LOVE IT.
I LOVE IT WHEN PEOPLE, LIKE WHEN IT'S PEOPLE'S FIRST CHILD, CUZ
THE THING WITH KID IS THE INDIFFERENCE, THE INDIFFERENCE
THAT YOU REALIZE YOU HAD AND YOUR FRIENDS HAVE THAT DON'T
HAVE KIDS.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
LIKE WHEN PEOPLE GO OH, THIS IS MY KID, OH S THAT THE NEW
IPHONE, DO YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
ONCE YOU HAVE THEM ARE YOU LIKE OH MY GOD.
AND THE FACT THAT YOU KNOW, THAT IS HAPPENING TO GUILLERMO.
ALL RIGHT, HAS EVERYBODY HEARD ABOUT THE MASSIVE CARGO SHIP
THAT BLOCKED THE SUEZ CANAL?
WELL, IT'S STILL THERE BLOCKING TRAFFIC AND A PRINTOUT OF THE
CAPTAIN'S ROUTE HAS GONE VIRAL TODAY.
SEE IF YOU CAN TELL WHY?
THAT'S REAL, LOOK AT THAT.
CLEARLY HE IS NOT THE BEST SEA CAPTAIN BUT DAMMIT I APPRECIATE
HIS ARTISTIC AESTHETIC, DON'T YOU?
IT LOOKS LIKE THE CAPTAIN OF A SHIP CHECKING THINGS OFF HIS
BUCKET LIST, OKAY, DRAW A GIANT BUTT AND PENIS CHECK, NEXT UP,
SLAM THE BRAKE AND TAKE A SWEET 360 IN THIS CANAL.
BUT CAP IF CAPTAIN KARMEL WAS IN CHARGE OF THAT SHIP AND HAD
THOSE POWERS WHAT WOULD HE HAVE DRAWN.
>> SOME BOOBS, YOU KNOW, GET A LITTLE-- A LITTLE EQUAL
REPRESENTATION.
THAT IS A LOT OF PENIS BUT YOU KNOW, BOOBS IN THERE TOO.
>> AND AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO SHOW
YOU THIS.
EASTER IS AROUND THE CORNER, AND IN HONOR OF THE HOLIDAY,
PEPSI HAS JUST ANNOUNCED A LIMITED-EDITION PEEPS-FLAVORED
LINE OF MARSHMALLOW SODAS.
MARSHMALLOW PEEPS SODA.
IT'S IRONIC THAT THIS IS BEING RELEASED FOR EASTER, BECAUSE
IT'S THE THING THAT MAKES ME MOST QUESTION THE EXISTENCE OF
GOD.
HERE IS MY THING THOUGH, LIKE, I DON'T WORK IN MAR CONNECTED,
OKAY.
THAT'S NOT, YOU THEY, THAT IS NOT WHERE I HAVE CHOSEN TO PUT
MY TIME NOR HAVE I BEEN ASKED TO.
BUT I DO FEAL LIKE IF IT IS A COMBINATION OF PEEPS AND PEPSI
SHOULD IT NOT JUST BE CALLED PEEPSI?
>> James: WELCOME BACK, NOW BEFORE WE FINISH TONIGHT'S SHOW
WE'VE GOT SOME NEWS FOR YOU, NOT ABOUT GUILLERMO BABY, NO NEWS
THERE, HOWEVER DISEURG THIS SHOW, WHEN WE WERE TALKING TO
CHRISSY, DAVE WENT TO GET HIS PHONE, AND DAVE I BELIEVE, WE
HAVE AN UPDATE, YES.
>> HAVE I AN UPDATE, I HAVE AN EMAIL FROM PATTI LUPONE.
>> James: AN EMAIL FROM PATTI LUPONE WHAT DOES IT SAY.
>> IT SAYS DARLING DAVE, I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE ANYTHING WITH YOU.
CALL ME, PS, YOU KNOW JAMES IS GOING TO ASK IF I LEFT YOU MAY
NUMBER.
TELL HIM YES.
>> James: OH MY GOD.
YES, LOOK AT THIS.
A BURGEONING FRIENDSHIP.
DAVE V A GREAT BRUNCH WITH PATTI LUPONE.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT.
REGGIE, WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME.
TAKE US HOME, EVERYBODY.