(smooth engaging music)
(moves into triumphant music)
- I would like to share my personal story.
Back in 2008, when I was in Iraq,
where I came into a
realization, or pretty much of conclusions of my sexuality.
And of course, during that time,
that was during the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy.
And so for me, to accept this,
from what I've considered a bad thing based on my religion.
And I figured that if I end my life,
I would see it as my mother would not have to be
ashamed at the fact that she had a
a gay daughter.
I would have to say that 2008 and 2009
had to be the most darkest days,
or year of my life.
And if my chain of command at the time knew,
that I was gay, they would have,
I'm sure they would have done everything to kick me out.
When I was a second lieutenant
I was told by a captain that officers
are not to share any emotions.
Because this shows weakness to soldiers.
So for 10 years of active duty,
I've kept my emotions to myself.
Even though I've always been told
that I wear my emotions on my sleeve.
And, of course, I did not seek help.
Which is always a bad thing.
In a way, when I was a commander
it was very hypocritical for me to tell my soldiers,
go get, go seek help, go to behavior health.
And it wasn't until 2014
when I was separated from active duty.
2015 was followed by a divorce.
That somehow those moments
that I lived before in 2008 and 2009,
they all came back again.
And that was the times that I started thinking,
once again, that I should end my life.
But I was not thinking about the pain
that I would bring upon my mother.
My brother, my family, my friends.
And honestly, the thought of hurting my mom,
that's what actually sick me, or told myself
that I need to, that I need to get help.
While I was in Kuwait I talked to a therapist
about my divorce and active duty.
And I found my passion in CrossFit, at the time.
I'm talking specifically to officers,
who think that getting help will ruin your career.
I'm a major.
And I'm hoping to be promoted to lieutenant colonel
in the future.
I will be open that I, even to this day now,
I am talking to a therapist and I have no shame about it.
Because there shouldn't be any shame about getting help.
It feels so good to just let, one-by-one,
those skeletons out of the closet, in a way.
And it's actually very rewarding.
We, as officers, as leaders,
need to reinforce that there is no shame
in seeking behavioral health.
Because you never know when you open up,
you could actually be saving somebody else's lives.
Me opening up to, right now at this moment,
I do hope that I am touching someone.
This is important.
It is okay to ask for help.
It is okay to talk to somebody.
I just hope that we don't have to be going through this
over and over again where it's just, there's no stigma.
Where soldiers of every rank
is open to talk to somebody.
And getting the assistance that they need.
(smooth triumphant music)