as the Obama administration is coming to a close,
uh, unemployment has plunged to a nearly nine-year low.
When Obama came to office, it was at 7.8%.
Now it's at 4.6%,
which is really good.
-(applause) -But...
but-but, you see, America's future is not about being good--
it's about being great.
REPORTER:
He says Carrier's gonna bring back those jobs to Indiana.
He, as president, will make it happen.
I'm gonna call up Carrier,
and I'm gonna tell the head of Carrier,
"I hope you enjoy your stay in Mexico, folks,
"but every single unit that you make
"and send across our border, which now will be real,
you're gonna pay a 35% tax!"
(cheering)
And you know what Carrier's going to do?
They're going to call me in 24 hours,
and they're going to go, "Mr. President,
"we're moving back into the United States,
we're going to build in the United States."
-(applause and cheering) -That's what's going to happen,
100% sure!
Man, say what you want about Trump,
but he really kicks ass in imaginary negotiations
-against himself. -(laughter)
"Then Carrier's gonna say they're sorry,
"and everyone will shout my name.
"Then, Rosie O'Donnell will be like,
"'Donald rules, and I drool.'
"Then the failing
"that says, 'Air-Conditioner Factory Stays,
-Trump Keeps His Cool.'" -(laughter)
"And it'll be a great pun, and everyone will laugh at the pun,
"and they'll say, 'Great pun, Donald!',
because they'll know it was really my pun!"
(laughter)
And by the way, by the way, it's easy to see
why Trump wants more air-conditioning in America.
-Look at his face there. -(laughter)
He was sweating so much, he looks like
he's doing an impression of Fat Bastard.
-Like, what is he... what is he doing? -(laughter)
(with Scottish accent): "Get in my country."
(laughter)
But... but... and this is crazy.
Once Trump won the election, he actually did it.
He got on the phone, negotiated with Carrier,
and he made his first deal.
WOMAN: The air-conditioning giant tweeted last night,
"We are pleased to have reached a deal
"with President-elect Trump & VP-elect Pence
to keep close to 1,000 jobs in Indy."
MAN: The deal is extremely popular.
60% of registered voters saying
it gave them a more favorable view of trump.
Wow. Yes.
After Trump's deal, some people see him in a better light.
"He saved 1,000 peoples' jobs, and he grabbed zero pussies?
-Wow!" (chuckles) -(laughter)
"Maybe we should give this guy a chance!"
But before you give him a chance,
you may want to examine the Carrier deal a little closer,
because, like Donald Trump's hair,
-there's something that's just a little off. -(laughter)
Numerically, there are some... issues here.
Donald Trump, during his speech, said
that there were about 1,100 jobs saved.
It turns out it's probably more like 800 jobs that were saved,
300 that he was referring to
were actually never going to move in the first place.
It's not a sustainable strategy
to save 800 or 1,000 jobs at a time.
WOMAN:
and air-conditioning company seven million dollars
in state tax breaks over ten years.
What Trump is doing is setting a very dangerous precedent.
My guess is today, there's some corporation
who may not have thought one second about leaving America--
now they're going to announce,
"Hey, we're going to Mexico, we're going to China.
Hey, Mr. Trump, what you gonna do for us?"
-Bernie!
(Noah crying)
We should have listened to you, Bernie!
-(laughter) -(Noah crying)
You know every time Democrats see Bernie Sanders,
they're like, "Damn, I wonder what could have been."
(laughter)
But he's right.
It's not sustainable for the government to pay companies
to keep uncompetitive jobs in the country.
But now that other companies have read
Carrier's blackmail script,
they could also threaten to leave
and wait for those sweet, sweet tax breaks to roll in.
It's like that children's book.
If you give a mouse a cookie,
he's going to want to (bleep) you in the ass.
-(laughter) -You guys had the same book, right?
-It's the same book. -(laughter)
And by the way, by the way,
I love how Donald Trump made it like,
"I told Carrier what to do, and they did it!"
No, no, no, that's not what happened.
They threatened something, Trump paid them the money,
and they still sent hundreds of jobs to Mexico.
Like, Trump would be the worst hostage negotiator in the world.
He would be just like, "Come out with your hands up!
"Free all the hostages!
"No?
"All right, you asked for it!
We're sending in a million dollars and more hostages!"
(laughter)
"All right, cover me, boys.
I'm going in to give him a hand job. Cover me."
(laughter)
(applause and cheering)
-(audience whooping) -Worst negotiator ever.
Oh, there's another aspect of this deal,
uh, but it has good news and bad news.
The good news is: Carrier has agreed
to invest more money into their factory.
The bad news is: it's gonna be like Westworld.
Updating the plant will result in more automation
and an important consequence.
We're gonna make a $16 million investment in that factory...
That sounds good, except they're doing it
to automate the manufacturing process,
which will shed jobs.
As bad as this deal is,
what makes this so good for Donald Trump
is that it gives the illusion
that he's done something meaningful.
That's what Trump is all about, is the show.
Because all the headlines say is:
Trump saves a thousand jobs!
Which, don't get me wrong, I acknowledge is something
for every single person whose job
I don't deny that.
But at the scale the president is supposed to work on,
that's barely a drop in the bucket.
It's all about "the thousand jobs."
What about
This is basically a classic con man move, you know?
A con man makes you focus on what you
and distracts you from everything
that you stand to lose.
-(applause) -That's all it is.
And look...
look, the Carrier deal might have some benefits.
But it would be naive to ignore all of the side effects.
In fact, I have a proposal.
Every time Trump makes a promise,
he should be forced to include the fine print.
And you know what Carrier's gonna do?
They're gonna call me in 24 hours
and they're gonna go, "Mr. President,
(fading): we're moving back into the United...
WOMAN:
to be taken seriously.
The number of jobs will be lower than promised.
Side effects could include massive corporate tax breaks,
higher consumer costs,
and companies giving the jobs to robots anyway.
Ask your doctor if your economy is healthy enough for Trump.
He'll probably say no, but (bleep) him,
make America great again.
-(applause) -Sounds good to me.