WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES FROM
TIME TO TIME OR ENGAGE IN
BEHAVIORS THAT OTHERS MAY
OFFENSIVE.
IN THE CURRENT CLIMATE WHERE
SOME ARE CONCERNED ABOUT CANCEL
CULTURE AND THE TENDENCY TOWARD
. REACTION BEFORE ALL THE FACTS
ARE KNOWN HOW DOES SAYING I'M
SORRY BUT INTO ALL OF THIS?
HOW CAN WE MAKE OUR APOLOGIES
MORE THAN JUST A, WELL, YOU
KNOW THE WORDS, THE WORST
APOLOGIES, THE NON-APOLOGY
OUR RELATIONSHIP GREW IS WITH
US.
I HATE THE I'M SORRY IF I HURT
YOUR FEELINGS APOLOGY.
YEAH.
AN APOLOGY WHERE YOU TELL THE
OTHER PERSON HOW THEY ARE
FEELING, BUT YOU DON'T
NECESSARILY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR YOUR OWN ACTIONS. MOST OF
US DON'T REALLY APPRECIATE
THAT.
NO.
JUST SEND THAT DIRECTLY TO
THAT SEEMS TO BE A POLITICIAN
MOVE, FOR SURE.
CAN WE START WITH WHY IT IS
IMPORTANT TO ACTUALLY APOLOGIZE?
WELL, IT'S IMPORTANT,
BECAUSE WE WANT TO SHOW THE
OTHER PERSON THAT WE HAVE
ENOUGH SELF-AWARENESS TO
UNDERSTAND HOW OUR ACTIONS AND
OTHER PEOPLE. EVEN IF WE DON'T
BELIEVE WE ARE TO BLAME OR WE
DON'T REALLY RECOGNIZE WHAT WE
HAVE DONE, IF SOMEONE ELSE IS
SIGNALING TO US THAT SOMETHING
LAND WELL WITH THEM AND DID NOT
MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD WE DO HAVE
THIS RESPONSIBILITY TO
RECOGNIZE THAT AND SHOW ENOUGH
EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE TO BE
ABLE TO ADDRESS IT.
COULD YOU THINK AN APOLOGY
IS MORE IMPORTANT FOR?
IS IT FOR THE PERSON WHO IS
APOLOGIZING OR IS IT FOR THE
IF IT'S DONE WELL IT CAN
REALLY BENEFIT BOTH PEOPLE ON
BOTH SIDES.
CERTAINLY, TO THE PERSON WHO
FELT THE OFFENSE IT'S REALLY
THINKING ABOUT THIS IS SOMEONE
I'M GOING TO FORGIVE. THIS IS
AN ACTION THAT I CAN FORGIVE.
IF IT'S SOMETHING THAT'S
PARTICULARLY PAINFUL AND HURTFUL
AN APOLOGY MIGHT START THEM ON
THE ROAD TO HEALING.
SO, IT IS DEFINITELY THINKING
ABOUT HOW YOU HAVE HARMED THE
OTHER PERSON, BUT CERTAINLY, IF
YOU CAN GIVE A MEANINGFUL
APOLOGY IS CAN BE BENEFICIAL
FOR YOU AS WELL.
WHAT ARE SOME TIPS TO
WELL, FIRST OF ALL, YOU WANT
TO THE KNOWLEDGE THAT YOU DID
SOMETHING WRONG.
AGAIN, IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUR OWN
PERCEPTION, IT'S ABOUT THE
IMPACT OF WHAT YOU SAID OR WHAT
YOU DID.
IF THAT OTHER PERSON FEELS LIKE
THEY WERE OFFENDED OR
DISRESPECTED YOU WANT TO
ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU DID
SOMETHING WRONG. YOU WANT TO
FOCUS ON THE FACTS AND WHAT WAS
SAID OR DONE. YOU WANT TO
ACKNOWLEDGE THAT PAIN FOR THE
OTHER PERSON. AND NOT OFFERING
EXCUSES OR PLACING BLAME, BUT
REALLY UNDERSTANDING THAT YOU
SOMEONE ELSE AND THAT YOU ARE
GOING TO OFFER SOME EXPLANATIONS
FOR WHAT HAPPENED.
THAT MEANS SOMETIMES REALLY
HAVE TO BE OPEN TO THE FACT
FEELINGS HERE AND YOU CAUSED
THOSE.
YES.
WE ALL CHOOSE HOW WE WANT TO
REACT TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE THAT
ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS TREAT US.
WE DON'T WANT TO AVOID THE
OTHER PERSON'S FEELINGS.
THAT MINIMIZES THEM AND CAN
ACTUALLY DO MORE DAMAGE BEYOND
REALLY WAS.
IT IS IMPORTANT TO ASK THEM HOW
YOUR ACTIONS OR YOUR WORDS
IMPACTED THEM RATHER THAN, LIKE
YOU SAID, I'M SORRY I MADE YOU
FEEL X. >> IS IT ALSO
IMPORTANT TO ASK THEM OR TO
INQUIRE MORE ABOUT HOW PERHAPS
YOU COULD REPAIR WHAT HAPPENED?
YEAH.
DEFINITELY ASKING AND BEING
CURIOUS ABOUT, OKAY, NOW THAT I
HAVE ACKNOWLEDGED WHAT I HAVE
DONE AND I UNDERSTAND HOW THIS
MADE YOU FEEL WHAT CAN I DO TO
MAKE THIS BETTER?
HOW CAN I REPAIR THIS?
HOW CAN I MEET YOUR
EXPECTATIONS BETTER?
AND ALSO RECOGNIZE THE PURPOSE
PERSON IN THE MOMENT, DEPENDING
ON THE OFFENSE, THEY MAY NOT
HAVE THE TIME TO TALK TO YOU.
THEY MAY NOT REALLY BE THINKING
ABOUT WHAT THEY NEED TO HEAL.
THEY MAY JUST SAY TO TAKE YOUR
APOLOGY AND LEAVE WITH THAT AND
COME BACK LATER.
IT'S IMPORTANT.
YOU CAN LEARN TO BE BETTER AT
THIS. IN THE EARLY YEARS OF
WHEN I WAS DATING MY WIFE OR MY
DISAGREEMENT I WOULD ALWAYS
ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I SCREWED
SOMETHING UP, BUT SORT OF PUSH
IT BACK ON HER AND MAKE IT LIKE
IT WAS HER FAULT.
YEAH.
ONCE I REALIZED I WAS DOING
THAT I WORKED TO NOT DO IT.
IT'S AWFUL.
I DIDN'T MEAN TO BE THIS
HORRIBLE OF A PERSON.
I'D JUST DON'T REALIZE HOW YOU
CAN LEARN TO APOLOGIZE AND
REALLY JUST SOMETIMES LISTEN AND
TAKE THE FACT THAT YOU WRONGED
AND APOLOGIZING IS NOT A
SIGN OF WEAKNESS.
UNFORTUNATELY, FOR MANY PEOPLE
THAT'S WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN
TAUGHT THAT IF YOU SAY I'M SORRY
IT'S SHOWING WEAKNESS.
IT'S REALLY A SIGN OF STRENGTH.
IT SHOWS THAT YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOUR VALUES ARE AND YOU
UNDERSTAND AND VALUE YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH OTHER PEOPLE.
YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE THINGS
DISAPPEAR JUST BECAUSE IT'S
UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU.
EXCELLENT.
TO END ON.
THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING WITH
US TODAY.
THANK YOU BOTH.
A FAMILY ASKING FOR