-La, la, la, la, la.
-Hey kid, want a free balloon?
-What's the catch? -No catch.
Just a totally sweet free balloon.
-Okay, thanks.
Whoa... whoa...
Whoa-ho-ho! Cool!
[radar beeping]
-General, we have an unidentified
balloon-shaped object bearing Mach 50.670.
What should we do, sir?
-Hmm... -General?
General? -Uhh...
Uhhh... -[frantically]: General!
-Hit him with everything we've got!
-La, la, la, la, la, flying is fun.
Uh-oh.
[ka-boom!]
[crunch!] Oh-ho-ho!
[groans in pain] Oof.
[fighting back pain]: It's okay.
I think I can get up.
[bones crack, grunts] Nope.
[whimpers]
[tires screech]
[coughs]
[monkey chattering] -And this is the genetics lab,
where scientists alter animal DNA
for the advancement of modern medicine.
Now who wants ice cream?
[kids cheer]
-Back it up, nerd-alert. [grunts]
-Oof.
Aw, man.
Cool, a spider!
Ow!
Ooh, I feel different. Almost like...
Spider-Man!
[high-pitched voice]: Aw, man.
[wheels squeak]
Help! Help me, mister!
-Talking spider?
[both yelling]
[wings flapping]
[owl hoots]
-What's this? A letter at this time of night?
-Who is it for?
-Hey, it's probably for me, because I'm so important.
-It says here that it's addressed to Ned.
-Yay! Mail for me.
Yay! I've been invited
to learn how to become a wizard at Hogwarts!
-Give it here. That's not what it says.
It says that you've been diagnosed with hogwarts,
the disease.
-The what now?
[pop! pop! pop! pop! pop! pop!]
Whoa... what's happening to...
[snorts] me?!
[snorting]
[family laughs as Ned oinks]
[distant howling]
-Oh, boy. Halloween's the best. Isn't it, Ned?
-It sure is, Wendy.
I just wish I had a costume to wear.
-Oh, don't worry. I'm sure nobody will notice.
-Cool outfit, Nerdy Ned.
What are you going as? A loser?
-No! I'm going as the, uh--
Uh... The Headless Horseman!
[both shriek]
Whoa, guys, come on, it's just me.
-Behind you, Ned. -Huh?
-(Headless Horseman) Steal my act, will you.
Then I'll steal your head.
[laughs wickedly, Wendy gasps]
-Oh, man!
-[laughs as he gallops away]
[Ned groaning]
-Ha-ha! Now you're the Nedless Horseman.
[laughs]
-Well, look on the bright side, Ned.
At least you've got a cool costume.
Now let's go trick or treat.
-Hey, watch it, pumpkin head!
[pumpkin splatters] [laughs]
[adventurous music playing]
-Wow! Six months in space was worth it!
I can't believe I'm gonna be the first man to walk on Mars!
[spacecraft whirs]
[triumphant music plays]
-Ha-ha! Beat you!
One small step for man,
one giant "in your face" to Ned! [laughs]
-But how did you get here first?
-Oh, they just invented lightspeed travel yesterday.
Sorry about that, bro. -Aw, man.
-Hey, but at least you discovered
the aliens first, right?
[record scratches] -Huh?
[alien monster growls]
[Ned screams]
[chomp!]
-[laughs]
-All right, Ned, your word is "catamaran."
-Catamaran.
Can you please give me the definition?
-[sighs] A multi-hulled vessel
consisting of two parallel hulls of equal size.
-Can you please use it in a sentence?
-[sighs] Okay, uh, "Joe and Betty enjoyed a lovely sail
on their... catamaran."
-Catamaran.
C-A...
T-A...
M-A...
R-A-N.
Catamaran?
-[sighs] Wow.
That's correct!
You've won the spelling bee, Ned!
-Yay, I won! I actually won!
Yeah... what the? [bee chuckles]
Oh, my God!
[grunting with each impact] It stings! Ooh!
[camera shutter clicks]
[pained cries continue]
-That looks P-A-I-N-F-U-L. [chuckles]
[elevator dings]
-Uh-oh! The elevator's full!
-Um, we've got room for one more.
-Nah, go ahead, Wendy. I'll catch the next one.
-Why, thank you, Ned. How chivalrous.
[elevators humming]
[ding]
-Nice! This one's totally empty!
Karma's already paying me back!
[elevator hums]
-(man on speaker) The 75th annual
Hunger Games will commence in...
-Hunger Games? Is that like a pie-eating contest?
-(man) ...one.
[screaming repeatedly]
[plunk!]
[boom!]
Aw, man!
-Oh boy, I love carnivals!
Riding the Ferris wheel is awesome!
[Tilt-O-Whirl whipping air]
The Tilt-O-Whirl rules!
Look at me, I'm a jolly clown!
The fun never ends at the carnival!
-Joker! -Huh?
-Where's Rachel? -Who's Rach--ooh!
[grunts, cries]
-Where's Rachel? -You're my hero, Bat--
[grunts with impact]
-I said where's Rachel? -[grunts, whimpers]
[phone rings] -Hello?
[chattering on phone] Yes, this is Batman.
[chattering on phone] Oh, hi, Rachel.
[chattering on phone] Oh-oh, you're at the mall.
[chattering on phone] Okay. Be right there.
Little piece of advice, kid:
stop pretending to be the Joker!
-[Ned grunts]
I still love you!
-So, it's gonna be three dollars for face painting.
-[weeps]
[tongue stretches]
[clunk!]
-(Santa on PA) Maintenance,
please report to Assembly Machine 14 immediately!
Santa out. -No worries, Santa!
Junior Elf Cadet Ned is on the case!
Now it's time to hop inside and take a look.
[grunts]
-You freaking moron.
It's not working 'cause it's not plugged in.
-I don't need your attitude, bro.
I can get a job at Keebler anytime I want.
[machine stars up] -Well, how do you like that?
It's working already.
Uh-oh. That's probably not good.
[screaming in agony]
I'm in pain!
[yelping loudly]
[whimpers]
Wha-ah-ha! It tickles! It tickles!
[howling in agony]
-Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
-Yay! Presents!
[boing!] -[laughs]
-[grumbles] I told you guys an Xbox,
not a stupid Ned-in-a-box. -[giggles]
Well, merry Xmas.
-[grunts, bonk!]
[camera clicks]
Captioned by StreamCaptions.com
-Hey, guys! Thanks for watching
The Misfortune of Being Ned season 1.
You guys rock!
Make sure you stick around for all-new season 2 episodes
coming in 2014.
Man, 2014's so far away. What do I do?
I'll go to sleep. Okay, bye!
-♪ The Misfortune of Being Ned ♪