- Hey you, welcome to Bless Your Rank.
My name is Matt and today we are ranking
Mountain Dew flavors.
Who knew there were so many of 'em?
I did not until I got in the room today.
And I'm scared.
(upbeat music)
(smack)
So we're ranking a bunch that we found at Walmart
that come in bottles but there are more out there.
They are multiplying at an alarming rate.
You either like, ah, Mountain Dew,
I'll drink it once a month.
Or, oh Mountain Dew, that is my water.
My body requires it to function.
I don't hate them, but it's not a drink
that I am going to drink every single day.
That's entirely too much Dew for me.
Criteria for today's Mountain Dew ranking,
number one, usually it's taste,
but I'm gonna go with extreme-ness
'cause it's Mountain Dew and it's all about the extreme.
Extreme! I like to imagine that there's
gonna be some fireworks going off there
and somebody on a dirt bike going frooom.
And maybe a tiger, I don't know. It's a big year for tigers.
Number two, color, because Mountain Dew
don't do anything that's clear.
It should look like it was the chemical
used to turn a kid in a 90s sitcom into a superhero.
And then number three, taste, I guess.
I guess that's important with Mountain Dew, a drink,
that you put into your body.
I guess it should taste good.
So, I don't know about y'all, but let's get ready
to do the Dew.
Competitor number one, Mountain Dew flavor Mountain Dew.
When's the last time I had just a regular old Mountain Dew?
Wow, months. Maybe four or five months.
At the time of shooting we are still
in the middle of a global pandemic.
So I'm only getting the essentials which are Dr Pepper.
(pshh)
That's satisfying, that's always satisfying.
The color I can go ahead and judge now.
There's no word for this color in nature.
This does not appear anywhere naturally.
This has to be made in a lab.
It's like a hulk green, like an angry green.
Here we go.
It taste a little good on the front end,
like you got some citrusy, orange flavor to it.
That's great, but the end of it is like a really weird
chemically taste that I'm not crazy about.
Which I presume is what gives it
its glow-in-the-dark green color.
This is just okay.
Classic Mountain Dew flavor, I guess, whatever that is.
It's got a lot of caffeine in it.
I'm gonna have a lot of caffeine today.
This is the most caffeine I probably ever had
on Bless Your Rank.
This is like the sugar is gonna try to bring me down
but then the, well it's gonna bring me up
and then it's gonna crash.
But no, the caffeine's gonna help keep that level
so I'm gonna keep rising.
It's like this level that usually is not sustainable
but the caffeine is here to prop it up,
so the skies the limit.
Like where will this end today.
After Matt has drank one, two, three, four, five, six
Mountain Dew's, what level of energy will he have?
It's undocumented.
We've not ever experienced it before on a Bless Your Rank.
It's things are gonna be wild.
I don't know what's gonna happen.
I'm already feeling jacked
and I've only had two sips of this.
Congratulations Mountain Dew.
You're doing first place.
Competitor number doo, get it, doo, 'cause it's two
is Shark Bite.
A flavor I did not know existed until this week.
Well there's a shark on it, why is there a shark on it?
Why would you not call it Shark Bite?
Shark Bite's way cooler then Frost Bite.
Yeah, Frost Bite. Not Shark Bite.
I'm already feeling jacked and I've had two, three,
maybe four sips?
Not counting, don't count.
There's not a sip counter on this.
I don't even know what this is supposed to taste like.
We're going just purely off the picture on the label
which includes trees covered in snow.
Being from the South I don't know a whole lot about that
other than just it scares me a little.
And then there's a shark busting through
what appears to be ice.
Is that possible, is that a thing?
So there's, what? This is a color of blue.
It looks like cleaner.
I feel like I should clean my bathtub with this.
It's a pretty color. That's a beautiful blue.
It's not a blue I wanna put in my body,
but I'm going to, for science, and views.
Let's just do it. Get it?
Taste hairy.
It's like tastes fuzzy. Like the exterior of a peach.
I don't know what flavor that is.
I guess it's like a berry flavor or something?
I don't even know what that's supposed to be.
I don't hate it though.
I hate myself that I wanna take another sip of it.
Maybe like the Mountain Dew's already in my system
and now it requires more.
It wants to be extreme.
The extreme-ness of this, the label is pretty extreme.
This is some pretty crazy art right here.
Cool melon is the flavor. Which melon?
There's a lot of melons.
We talking honeydew? We talking cantaloupe?
Watermelon? It doesn't taste like any of those.
The fact that they say this is melon now
makes me like it less.
This tastes like weird berries.
These are the schnoz berries from Willie Wonka.
I like what Mountain Dew was trying to do here
even though I don't know what they were trying to do here.
I'd say this is more extreme than regular Mountain Dew
but I don't know if it's something
I would drink more of than regular Mountain Dew.
I'm gonna say Frost Bite currently in second place.
Competitor number three, Code Red. Code Red.
I'm trying to see through it. Oh wow.
This is what you see before you die.
Code Red, so this is a drink that came out
when I was in junior high, I think it was.
Junior high or high school. And I liked it when it came out.
It was my go to drink there for like a year.
And they'll tell you what it is.
I like Shark Frost.
Mountain Dew with a rush of cherry flavor.
'Cause you don't, when you're Mountain Dew,
you don't do a hint of cherry flavor.
You don't do just a smidge of it.
You do a rush of it. You get extreme with it.
Because Hulk Hogan is their marketing director.
I'm sure it's not gonna be as good as I remember it being.
You know like most things from when you're a kid.
This is gonna go one of two ways.
Linkin Park, a band that I liked back then
and now I listen to some of them and I'm like,
eh, it's okay.
Or it's gonna be another band I like
that I listen to if I listen to a song to now
I'm like what was I thinking, Sugar Ray.
Is this a Linkin Park or is it a Sugar Ray?
Color red, I'll give it that.
Again it's not a color you search for to put in your body,
unless you're a vampire.
Then, this is probably your drink of choice. Here we go.
Wow, that's as good as I remember it actually,
that's awesome.
Oh wow!
Oh, this is taking me all the way back.
This is Linkin Park.
♪ 'Cause in the end it doesn't really matter ♪
♪ I tried so hard and got so far ♪
This is fantastic, this is great.
I forgot all about Code Red.
What does it taste like? I don't know, magic?
This is good stuff. I like cherry flavored stuff though.
It's weird 'cause I'm not a huge fan of cherries though,
you know, the thing that nature gives us.
I like the artificial flavoring better.
Taste, there's cherry to it,
it doesn't really taste like Mountain Dew at all.
This is fantastic, I love it.
This is nostalgia in a bottle, delicious nostalgia.
First place, hands down, not even close.
Mountain Dew competitor number four is Baja Blast.
Baja (explosion). (explosion) Blast.
Color on this one, like watered down Mountain Dew.
I think it's just weird to see Baja Blast color
in a clear bottle because, for those who are not familiar,
Baja Blast was a Taco Bell exclusive drink
for a very long time.
It just looks kind of week.
But to be fair, you sold it at Taco Bell.
So we should probably take it easy.
Your stomach is going through enough right now.
Fountain drinks, bottled drinks very different.
I know a lot of people can attest to that.
It is widely known that Sprite at McDonald's
tastes better than Sprite anywhere else.
So yeah, here it is, Baja Blast in a bottle.
Checks out, it is a Dew.
I like it, I like it as much as I did
discovering it at Taco Bell as a young child.
Mountain Dew with a blast of natural and artificial
tropical lime flavor.
Do I think that it's better than Code Red?
I still think it's great but I don't think
it's Code Red level good.
Also I just remembered the Mountain Dew slogan was
tickle your innards.
Which is just like as transparent as you can be
about this beverage is going to mess your guts up.
Unbelievable. Baja Blast.
Second-place. Mountain Dew, two and two.
Do the Dew, two by two. Scooby Doo.
What a lineup we have here.
We got all the colors of the extreme rainbow.
It's just red, blue, and five shades of green.
Competitor number five, Zero.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
Do, do, do, do, do.
There was like smoke that came out of it when I did that.
That was weird.
Nope, not a fan.
There's already enough weird chemical flavors
in a Mountain Dew.
The diet part of it, it does not help things.
No, I'm done with this.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No.
This is trash. This is a garbage drink.
I do not like it.
This is not even close to Frosty Sharks
down here at the end.
So this is in last place.
These are really close, Baja Blast to Code Red.
I feel like there's a bit of a gap between
Baja Blast and regular Mountain Dew.
Then there's a pretty significant gap
between that and Frosty Sharks.
And then there's a gigantic gap between Frosty Shark
and diet Zero, -4 Mountain Dew.
Our last competitor of the day, number six, Voltage.
It's Dew charged with raspberry citrus flavor and ginseng.
Wait, what? Isn't ginseng a vitamin?
Oh so this is another layer of energy now?
So I have sugar, I have caffeine, and now I have ginseng.
Now I get why it's Voltage.
'Cause it's like this is like electricity.
You play with it too much, you'll die.
It's three types of energy in one bottle.
Color, it's a calmer blue than Frosty Sharks.
It looks like weak Kool-Aid, you know?
And I'm not a fan of any of the blue Kool-Aid's.
The best ones are red or purple. That's it.
Those are Matt facts. You can't argue with them.
Indisputable. Here we go.
Voltage. This smells like the sour straw's.
Almost like Sour Patch Kids.
It's like any sour, gummy, chewy thing
is what this smells like.
Wow! Has a lot going on.
A fireworks store exploded in my mouth.
It's very flavorful.
I'm already feeling the energy off this.
That's the ginseng just running through my veins right now.
I feel like I could conquer the world right now,
but I'm not.
I'm gonna rank Mountain Dew flavors.
That's the best thing that I can do for society right now,
is tell you which of these you should put in your body.
(laughs)
Here we go. Oh I am feeling the Voltage right now.
Ahh, mmm, my brain is saying stop
but my taste buds say keep going.
I don't know, okay.
Mmm, mmm.
I like this. Why, why, why do I like it?
Calculate for the sugar minus the caffeine
and then you got the layer of ginseng added to it.
It's just gonna be more of a natural,
longer-lasting form of energy than artificial
and I think I've done the Dew.
I've done it. I reached Dew nirvara.
Nirvana. Where am I, Dave Navarra?
Dave Navarro. Uh, where, I blacked out.
Where am I?
Well I've had entirely too much Mountain Dew today.
I feel like my teeth are talking to me.
I like this. Where does it belong?
In the ground. We should kill it.
We should bury it. We should get rid of it.
We should destroy the evidence.
I'm gonna be honest with you.
If somebody said the cops are outside right now
I would instinctively wanna hide this.
Voltage is a very appropriate name.
You know Bless Your Rank is not random.
I wanted it to be science. I want you to...
Okay, for sure, it's this. This is in sixth place.
The Frosty Shark, fifth-place.
Math, numbers, what even are they?
Who decided what number is what?
No, regular Mountain Dew fourth-place.
I'm done, I'm done.
I'm done. Get this away from me.
Voltage is in third place and then Baja Blast,
and then Code Red.
Code Red is in first.
That is a, whoa, ooh, that is it.
Oh man, I am jacked up on the Dew right now (laughs).
I love life. I love everything.
Thank you so much for watching this Bless Your Rank,
a Mountain Dew addition.
I can't thank you enough.
You made it to the very end and you probably loved it.
You're probably thinking to yourself,
I gotta get some Mountain Dew in my body right now.
And I would just accosted you to pace yourself (laughs).
So anyway, if you like this
there are more videos somewhere around my head
that you can click on and watch those
and then subscribe to this channel
if you haven't already 'cause we do lots of great content.
We're doing stuff like this all the time.
Like it's our jobs.
And you know what?
If you really, really love it,
like if your next level love for this is there
and you're like I not only want to see more,
but I want to see it now,
you need to hit the bell there
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that will go directly to your phone.
Like an alert, that life or death,
and you'll know a new video is out
from It's A Southern Thing and I should watch it right now.
Wow, this is a long end card, oh man.
Ohhh, just, I'm gonna drink all three at the same time.
Goodbye.
That's beautiful. Those three colors together are gorgeous.