Right. Let's get those cuffs off you.
Oh, I took 'em off in the back of your cop car.
She's good.
- Wow. - Yeah.
- Hey, hey. - Yeah?
Ten bucks to see the fight.
But we go to school here.
You can't charge us to walk into school.
Ten bucks!
Listen up.
Boys line up, girls sail on through.
You're good. Mmm, you're good.
You're good. Wait! How's your arm? Broken?
No? Fine, get out of here. You're good.
Piper, what are you doing?
Checking boys for broken arms.
Oh. Uh. [stammering]
I know you're good. Get out of here.
Also, maybe change
that sweatshirt sometime, cowboy.
Okay, Piper. Piper, what is happening in our house?
I'm giving people spray tans.
Why?
Cause most spray tan places charge like 50 bucks.
Piper does it for 20.
That's right.
Now, hold this up and say,
"Hey, I'm Cleo from Kids in the Woods
and this is my ceramic bunny, which you should buy."
And why am I saying that?
So I can sell it online.
You're a celebrity now.
Yeah, idiots will pay a fortune
for stuff they think was owned by a famous person.
- But why should I-- - Action!
And even if people are standing, and in chairs,
I want them to have a really good view of...
- Piper. - I don't want anyone...
- to have to miss out... - Piper.
If someone is too tall, so we can arrange...
- Piper. - Um, and for the audio...
I want big speakers mounted up right there...
- Piper. - and right over there.
Excuse me.
But it's 7:30 in the morning.
And what is all this?
I told you I have to get this place ready
for 50 people to come here and watch the premiere
of the new Captain Man and Kid Danger cartoon.
I'm so psyched about it.
Dad, come back here!
I am not giving you $1,000!
I'm trying to make our whole family rich!
Ow. Your knee is poking my heart.
Let me read you the email.
The email is fake.
It's not from a real prince from Yerba.
Oh, then why does it say right here,
"I am a real prince from Yerba"?
Huh? Princes do not lie.
Piper. - Listen, there's more.
"If you will send me 1,000 America dollars
to secure my fortune,
in one week, I will send you back
one million America dollars.
I'm not giving you the money.
If you want 1,000 America dollars,
you're gonna have to earn it.
Uh, what is this, the 90s?
$10,000.
Hey, we got towels. Who needs towels?
Wait. What?
Towel shortage is over people. Thanks to a superhero.
No, don't take these towels. You do not need them.
Towels.
I'll- I'll reduce the charge. I promise.
Don't leave.
I almost had $10,000.
Would be okay if I just played with it...
by myself for a little while?
Sure. Have fun, kiddo.
[birds chirping]
Okay, you said 300.
Yep, here you go.
Get it off my lawn by six o'clock.
[clamoring]
That vacuum is gold.
Pure internet gold.
Get me?
What are you talking about?
I'm talking about hiring a ghost hunter to come here
and then recording them
yanking the ghost out of the vacuum.
- Um. - Yeah, um.
We'll have the first proof that ghosts exist.
We put that up on the Web...
We'll be famous.
We'll be better than famous, we will be internet famous.
And that is the longest lasting thing that there is.
I'll finally be able to quit my new job.
The problem, Doug...
is that I gave you the password to my Hobogo account.
You did and I really--
In exchange you were supposed to give me the password
to your Red Flicks account.
I know--
You didn't do that, did ya, Doug?
I can't. It violates the terms of the agreement
that I clicked on when I made the account.
Nobody reads those.
I wanna leave.
The door's wide open.
You're welcome to leave anytime you want.
What are you gonna do to me if I go?
Only one way to find out. [chuckles]
I'm a life coach.
Tell me the secret.
All right. The secret is--
[groaning]
Why?!
I'm helping you learn to keep your secret
by causing you pain when you try to tell it.
Oh. All right, I get it.
Good. Now... tell me the secret.
But I don't want to get zapped again.
No, no, we're done with that.
I just need to know your secret so I can help you more.
Oh.
Okay. Don't tell anyone this but--
[screaming]
[groaning]
Hey, I work here now, so you have to be nice to me.
No, I'm here as the customer, so you have to be nice to me.
- No. - The customer is always right!
Yes, ma'am.
He's in there.
I told him it was for ladies only,
but he went in anyway.
And I think he has a knife.
[screaming]
That's for my glass hat.
Dad, I'm taking cash from your wallet
and going to the grand opening of an escape room!
If it's okay for me to stay out until midnight, say nothing!
'Kay, thanks, love you, bye!
[shrieking]
We meet again, baby girl.
O...kay.
If this is about anything other than the money
I literally just stole from my dad,
I am innocent.
It's not about the money.
Are you sure?
Cause you could take this money
and maybe forget about whatever I did wrong.
I don't take bribe money.
And here is your bribe receipt.
Thank you.
Do I smell possum?
Creamed.
I love that.
Easy, walnut.
Let's wait until we get that soup down to the station.
[rumbling, screaming]
It looks like your, uh, friend is trying
to make a break for it.
I'll never give you the password!
[sighing]
Sorry he got away.
That's all right. Between you and me,
I like it when they run.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
You had plans with Henry and he blew you off,
and you're just gonna be all
"Oh, I guess I'll just go home then."
What should I do?
I don't know, be a man.
- But-- - If I were you,
I'd ride my bike right over to Soda Loche,
march in there, tell Henry that he's rude.
And then I'd shove his face down right into his food.
Yeah. I should teach him a lesson.
Yeah, you should.
Now, get out of here, you're making me sick.
I should be a life coach.
So what are you gonna do?
I'm going to get a shovel from your garage
and go to the Swellview Cemetery.
And how are you going to get there?
- I don't know. - I do.
They sent you that driver's license by mistake.
Hey Did this come from the DMV?
Yeah.
And the DMV is a government agency, right?
I- I guess.
And the government doesn't make mistakes, does it?
Well.
Slow down!
Yee-whoo!
Excuse me, Piper.
Yes?
Is there any way you could, uh, drive a little faster?
You need to drive faster.
But that would be speeding, and I can't break the law.
Little girl, we are the law.
You need to drive faster.
[soft music playing]
[rock music playing]
[honking]
Get out of the way!
Hey, what up, Dog. Happy b-day.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What?
You got to be at least 13 to get in.
Well, we are all 14.
Wrong. I know Piper, you're all nine.
Uh, I'm not Piper. My name is Judy Glickman.
This ID is fake, Judy.
Okay, are you going to make this a thing?
Sorry, kid. Rules are rules.
You better not-
Come on, girls.
[zapping, groaning]
See that? It's like a force field
blocking me from-
Hey, you're walking without your crutches.
So?
You don't have a sprained ankle.
Duh.
Why'd you lie?
Cause, we're going to Six Pools to ride roller coasters,
and when you're on crutches,
they let you cut to the front of the line.
You're so bad.
I'm here with Piper Hart, who is sad.
This isn't about me, Brian. It's about Otto.
And the Go Fund Yourself account I set up for my pity party.
I am accepting donations now.
That's very brave of you.
I know.
[siren blaring]
[CB chatter]
What happened to me?
Well, uh, you sustained some minor injuries,
but luckily, we paramedics showed up,
and, you're going to be okay.
You're... You're a paramedic?
Uh-huh. Yeah, totally.
But... you look like you're my age.
Yeah, well, um...
I- I'm in the-
I'm in the junior paramedics program, so.
- Cool. - Thanks.
Hey, you don't happen to go
to Swellview Junior High, do ya?
Yeah, I- I just started there.
No way. I go there, too.
I'm Piper Hart.
Jackson Bartel.
Hey, uh... we should like maybe hang out sometime.
Sure, I could hang.
Wow. This is a pretty crazy way for us to meet.
I know. Isn't it cute?
Sorry I'm late. Traffic, am I right?
So, is, uh, is there assigned seating,
or should I just grab any open desk?
Uh, we don't have desks.
Right, open workspace, very modern.
Kind of a start up vibe, I like it.
Uh... [chuckles]
You don't work here.
Hey, you, Piper, phone call for you on line two.
- What? - Take a message.
You're the boss.
Yo, hammer coming.
Ah, what's up? What are you guys doing?
- We're just hanging out. - Stop lying.
We tried to open Ray's big cube ship chair too.
But the crowbar didn't work,
so we went home and grabbed my jillhammer.
What's a jillhammer?
A jackhammer for her.
- Makes sense. - Does it though?
It's for her, Charlotte.
Are you guys done trap flapping?
Cause I'm about to Jill this crate wide open.
Let's get this done.
Here we go.
What are you guys doing?
- What are you doing? - We're just chillin'.
[Brad] I figure you could turn me visible again.
I think I can.
I just need something to practice on.
15 cats should do it.
Come on, Schwoz.
Where are we supposed to find 15 cats?
Well, I can get you 15 cats.
There's a sad grandma on our street
who has, like 50 of 'em.
Great.
Time to go pretend I like old people.
Okay, [unintelligible]
Oh! I'm sorry.
No, no, my fault. My fault.
That's okay. I'll just slide it on it's side.
Great idea. Okay.
Oh. Oopsie.
[chuckles]
- Two times. Wow. - Yeah.
- How about that? - In a row. Weird.
How about this? I'll go right and you go left.
- Right. - Well, left.
- Correct. - Okay.
- And go. Okay. - Alright.
Well, this is strange.
Right? Or left?
[laughing]
You got it. Yeah.
Okay, but seriously, how long can this go on?
I guess we'll find out.
[laughing]
[unintelligible] this piano down here?
Schwoz has a thing.
Okay. Why do you have a piano down here?
This is my baby grand, baby.
I'm gonna play some slow jams for tasty tips.
There's one person coming to dinner.
Uh, he's not a person, he's a celebrity.
You wouldn't understand.
Do you even know how to play the piano?
Nobody actually knows how to play the piano.
I mean, look at this thing, there's like a million buttons.
Fortunately, my phone just has one button.
[piano music playing]
Which will finally result in me being inside Junk-N-Stuff,
and you finally being outside of Junk-N-Stuff.... finally.
You got it?
You know what? Let's not overthink this.
Let's just walk through the door.
Why does it even need to be a big discussion?
Because we've been here for 45 minutes now,
and I still don't understand why you didn't leave
when I went to go get this white board.
You know what I think?
I think... you have been blocking me
over and over again on purpose.
Wha? Wha? Wha? Wha?
Like... for some reason you don't want me
to leave Junk-N-Stuff.
Why would I want that?
You tell me!
Just walk. Walk with your feet.
Whoa. They need to fix their elevator.
You get used to it.
I assume, if you work here, which I don't.
Hey, look, a piano.
[piano music playing]
Nice playing. I love a little slow jam.
Money speaks louder than words.
Uh.
We, uh, we have your table right over here.
Thank you.
[music playing]
Yeah. This guy messes with you, he messes with us.
Okay, I'm just going to push this
into the safe zone.
You never should have stolen that baby elephant.
It followed me home.
Tell it to the judge, baby girl.
I did. She didn't believe me.
Too bad, so sad.