>> OUR EDUCATION SYSTEM SUCKS...
>> Greg: LOCKDOWNS WEREN’T
JUST A BUMMER.
THANKS TO THEM, OUR BRATS ARE
DUMBER.
NOW POST COVID, WE’LL FACE THE
WRATH WAS SCREWED UP KIDS WHO
CAN’T READ OR DO MATH.
THE DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION, OR
DUH...
[LAUGHTER]
THANK YOU.
PUBLISH THE REPORT SHOWING JUST
HOW AWFUL THE COVID LOCKDOWNS
WERE ON CHILDREN’S LEARNING.
HERE IS A CHART FOR THE STUDY
LOOKS AT 9-YEAR-OLDS --
PERVERTS.
I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN THROUGH
WITH THIS ONE NOW.
READING SCORE SAW ITS STEEPEST
DECLINE IN DECADES BUT THE SCORES ARE SO LOW THAT PARENTS
SCORES ARE SO LOW THAT PARENTS
MISTOOK THEM FOR SOCCER.
[LIGHT LAUGHING]
SOCCER SUCKS.
MATH SCORES SAW THEIR FIRST
DECLINE IN HISTORY.
THEY MUST HAVE OVERSAMPLE GIRLS.
IT’S WHAT A SEXIST WOULD SAY!
>> HE’S BACK.
>> Greg: YEAH I’LL MAKE IN ALL
REGIONS IN THE COUNTRY WITH ALL
DEMOGRAPHICS.
THE KIDS MENTIONED IN THE REPORT
WILL BE ABLE TO READ IT.
THERE IS A HAPPY ENDING TO IT
ONE OFFICIAL SAID THAT AT SOME
OF THE WORST DROP IN SCORES IN
50 YEARS BEEN TALKING ALL THE
WAY BACK TO THE 1970s.
THE DARK AGES WILL BE WORRIED
ABOUT INFLATION, GAS PRICES, AND
TED KENNEDY’S DRIVING.
[LIGHT LAUGHTER]
HE KILLED A GIRL.
I PUT EIGHT FORKS IN OUTLETS
BEFORE I REALIZE I WAS
LITIGATING MYSELF.
I DID.
THAT KID DOWN THE BLOCK WHO
TRIED TO JUMP A SWIMMING POOL ON
HIS BIKE OR THE ONE THAT SHOT A
BOTTLE ROCKET FROM HIS BUTT?
THESE WERE NOT HIGH IQ SPECIMENS
BUT DIDN’T THINK WE COULD GET
DUMBER BUT THANKS TO LOCKDOWNS,
YOUR KIDS ARE AS DUMB AS ME WHEN
I WAS A BRAT.
I ONLY WORE A MASK WHEN I STOLE
UNDERWEAR FROM CLOTHESLINES.
[LIGHT LAUGHTER]
NOBODY ELSE DID THAT?
>> HOW DID YOU REACH?
>> I HAD A STEPLADDER.
HOPEFULLY WE CAN GET THESE
CHILDREN --
[APPLAUSE]
MAYBE WE CAN HELP THOSE CHILDREN
WHO MISSED OUT ON THE CRITICAL
EDUCATION, HELPING THEM CATCH
UP.
OTHERWISE IMAGINE WHAT THEY’LL
GROW UP TO BE LIKE.
>> OKAY, CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT
COLOR THIS IS. >> UM...
READ
RED?
>> CORRECT.
WHAT IS THIS?
>> I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M LOOKING
AT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
>> LET’S TRY ANOTHER ONE BUT
WHAT SHAPE IS THIS?
>> PIZZA.
>> WHICH IS IN THE SHAPE OF...
>> PIZZA!
>> TRI...
>> ANGLE!
>> I’VE GOT TO GET BACK TO MY
JOB AT THE NUCLEAR POWER PLANT.
I’M THE SAFETY SUPERVISOR AND WE
ARE RUNNING THE TEST AT 2:00.
>> 2:00 WASH MARK IT’S --
[EXPLOSION]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF
WE WERE ACTUALLY WRONG AND ALL
THESE KIDS TURNED OUT BETTER.
WHAT IF...
I’M JUST TRYING TO SEE THE
SILVER LINING.
MAYBE SPENDING MORE TIME WITH
THEIR PARENTS AND LESS TIME WITH
THEIR EVIL TEACHERS.
I JUST WANT TO GET LETTERS.
IT COULD ACTUALLY HELP THEM?
JUST DOUBLE ADVOCATING DEVILS AD
LEGAL PARENT SAW WHAT WAS TRULY
GOING ON IN SCHOOLS BOO BECAUSE
THEY WERE HOME, THEY SAW
CRITICAL RACE THEORY, THEY SAW
THAT INSTEAD OF ACTUALLY
LEARNING MATH AND READING AND
SCIENCE THEY ON PRONOUNS AND NOT
HURTING OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS
AND THEY WERE NOT PREPARING OUR
KIDS FOR THE FUTURE.
IT’S ACTUALLY TERRIBLE THAT
AMERICA HAS SEEN ITSELF IN THAT
POSITION.
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING AND
GUESS WHO WAS SO EXCITED ABOUT
THIS.
IT’S CHINA.
CHINA IS NUMBER ONE IN EDUCATION
AND I CAN TELL YOU THEY ARE
LOOKING RIGHT AT US AND THEY ARE
SAYING HERE’S ANOTHER REASON TO
DO IT MANY WAYS. >> Greg: THE ANSWER
IS NO.
TYRUS, YOU HAVE CHILDREN.
I’M CURIOUS TO KNOW WHETHER
THESE, THE STUDY REFLECTS YOUR
EXPERIENCE BUT HAVE YOU NOTICED
A DECLINE AMONG YOUR KIDS OR IS
IT JUST...
>> NO.
I’M GOING TO BE THE BAD GUY HERE
HERE.
WHOEVER WANTS TO GO AT THE
SCHOOLS, AT TEACHERS, FIRST
WORLD PROBLEMS.
BUT IT’S PARENTING HERE WE
AREN’T PARENTING GOOD ENOUGH.
OUR FOREFATHERS WHETHER THEY
WERE FREE OR NOT FREE, HAD TO
DEAL WITH FAMINE, DISEASE, THE
OCCASIONAL BEAR RUNNING THROUGH
YOUR HOUSE, WARS.
THEY WERE ABLE TO EDUCATE AND
BECOME IMPORTANT PEOPLE.
MY MOTHER WORKED 90 HOURS A WEEK
RAISING TWO BOYS.
WE WERE STUCK AT THE DINNER
TABLE DOING SCHOOL WORK.
IF THE AVERAGE PARENT
COMPLAINING ABOUT THEIR KIDS’
READING LEVEL LOOKS AT THE PHONE
AND HOW MUCH TIME THEY SPEND ON
THE INTERNET AND SOCIAL MEDIA
AND HOW MUCH TIME WITH THEIR
KIDS READING, WRITING,
ARITHMETIC, I THINK THEY’D BE
SHOCKED AT THE TIME.
WE CAN’T WAIT, ESPECIALLY WITH
HIS ADMINISTRATION.
THEY AREN’T GOING TO FIX IT.
WE HAVE TO TAKE THIS POSSIBILITY
AND MAYBE NOT WATCH THE TEN
SEASONS ON NETFLIX.
MAYBE WE MISS OUT ON A SEASON
FOR ME OR SOMETHING BECAUSE OUR
ASSES ARE ON THE KITCHEN TABLE
WORKING WITH ARCADES.
I DO NOT CARE WITH THE OTHER
SCHOOLS ARE DOING BUT I GET OFF
WORK, I’M STUCK ON FACETIME
DOING MATH AND STUFF.
REALLY QUICK, ONE THING THAT
BOTHERS ME IS YOU HEAR PARENTS
SAY, THEY CHANGE THE MATH.
YOU DON’T HAVE THE ABILITY TO
RELEARN SOMETHING?
INSTEAD OF BUYING SOMETHING ON
AMAZON, BUY A BOOK ON MATH.
WE’VE GOT TO BE BETTER PARENTS.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: I KNOW.
IF I EVER HAVE KIDS, I’M JUST
GOING TO HAVE YOU PARENT HIM.
>> I’M JUST SAYING.
>> I DON’T KNOW IF I WANT TO EAT
OFF YOUR KITCHEN TABLE.
SEEMS LIKE THERE’S A LOT OF --
>> YOU’RE NOT INVITED.
>> Greg: THAT’S SO MEAN.
YOU HAVE GROWN CHILDREN.
>> I HAVE TWO CHILDREN.
>> Greg: THAT’S HARD TO
BELIEVE.
YOU SEEM SO YOUNG.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Greg: DO YOU THINK THIS IS
A HUGE PROBLEM?
>> I ABSOLUTELY DO AND IT GOES
DOWN TO THE FACT THAT THE
UNITED STATES WAS ALMOST,
CERTAINLY THE ONLY
INDUSTRIALIZED COUNTRY THAT
ACTUALLY SHUT DOWN SCHOOLS FROM
A PARTICULAR K-12 BUT ALSO
COLLEGE.
MY YOUNGER SON IS IN COLLEGE AND
HE LOST A YEAR AND A HALF OF
EDUCATION.
YOU GET SOMETHING BACK, BUT IT
WAS RIDICULOUS AND IT WAS
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THERE THERE
WAS NO REASON TO SHUT DOWN
SCHOOLS.
WHATEVER WE SEE HERE, I AGREE
WITH YOU.
ULTIMATELY IT’S ALL PARENTING.
BUT THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS IF
THESE KIDS AT NINE YEARS OLD ARE
DUMBER NOW, THEY ARE GOING TO BE
DUMBER AT 12, AT 18 ET CETERA,
THIS IS GOING TO THE SYSTEM AND
WE NEED TO RECOGNIZE THAT AND
MAKE SURE IT DOESN’T HAPPEN
AGAIN.
AND MOVE THE CHINA.
>> Greg: WITH THE CHINA PEER
YOU HAVE SEVEN KIDS?
>> YEP.
>> Greg: STARTED YOUNG.
I AM A YOUNG ’88.
>> Greg: WHAT IF CHILDREN ARE
JUST HAPPY YOU’RE DOING MORE
WORK AROUND THE HOUSE?
>> IF IGNORANCE IS BLISS, WHY
AREN’T THERE MORE HAPPY PEOPLE?
>> Greg: YOU ARE LIKE A
FORTUNE COOKIE.
>> [MIMICS RIMSHOT]
I DIDN’T KNOW WE DIDN’T SEE THIS
ONE COMING.
I BABYSIT KIDS.
THE KIDS I BABYSIT --
>> Greg: HOW OLD ARE YOU?
YOU DON’T HAVE A REAL JOB?
>> YOU KNOW...
I’M A MILLENNIAL.
YOU’VE GOT TO HAVE A SIDE
HUSTLE.
NO!
FOR FRIENDS.
>> Greg: OKAY.
>> YOU MADE ME QUESTION MY
IDENTITY!
THEY CAN’T SIT AND WATCH A TV
SHOW FOR 80 MINUTES WITHOUT
CHECKING THEIR DEVICES OR THEIR
iPADS, ALL THE THINGS THAT THEY
HAVE.
IT DOESN’T TAKE AN EINSTEIN TO
FIGURE OUT YOU CAN OPEN ANOTHER
TAB WHEN YOU ARE SITTING ON ZOOM
SCHOOL OR YOU CAN UPLOAD A VIDEO
OF YOURSELF SMILING AND NODDING
AND PUT THAT AS YOUR ZOOM
BACKDROP AND BE IN THE OTHER
ROOM PLAYING VIDEO GAMES.
I CAN’T BELIEVE IT FINALLY NOW,
MAYBE ZOOM SCHOOL WASN’T A GOOD
IDEA TO AND A HALF YEARS LATER.
AS LERACH, CHINA WHICH HAD THE
MOST DRACONIAN COVID PROTOCOLS
THOSE KIDS WERE BACK IN PERSON
SPRING 2020.
>> MY KID PUT BUFFERING ON A
WHITE PIECE OF PAPER.
GENIUS.