- What is this?
This shirt isn't finished.
What are you talking about?
(jazzy music)
- My style has changed so much.
I lived in a super small town and it's like
athletics and people dressing like that was cool.
- When I got into middle school was when
that shift took place and I started to
quote unquote fem it up.
- Whatever was just like popular at the time,
which was like a lot of big brand shirts.
- They didn't have the word trans in a small town
and so they just assumed and put me in the gay category.
I had to kind of dress more as a boy
and keep my femininity in the closet.
- I knew that if I presented in a certain way
it would not raise any questions about my sexuality.
- Oh God.
Why?
It's like 80 degrees outside.
- There's times where I like feel my masculine energy
and I want to embrace that so I do dress down.
- This is an actual Pokemon shirt.
- [Narrator] What do you see in the mirror?
- I haven't even looked yet.
Ah.
- (Billie) A pretty boy.
- (Grace) You know what's funny?
I see me in a costume.
- (Jazz) Someone that is very much from the mid-west.
- (Ryan) I see the little awkward kid who's just
trying to like figure out what he's doing.
- Definitely brings up childhood,
high school memories of being bullied.
- At that time I weighed that it was more important
to feel safe than to feel seen.
(jazzy music)
- So I'm in this outfit and I'm putting my sunglasses
on and like hoping no one looks at me.
A lot of people were like, oh,
I haven't seen you look so simple.
I think they wanted to say basic, but they said simple.
- I feel like you should just put on some Uggs
and call it a day.
- Oh Jazzmine.
- (Jazz) What do you think?
- I'm not used to seeing you in something so muted.
- (Grace) Hey Evan.
- Oh wow, nice lace bro.
- (Jazz) Do you recognize me?
- You look like a flower girl from the 1990's.
- I started overcompensating by using humor
and by being really outrageous.
I think people are going to look at me
and either think that you and I are dating Hailey,
or they are going to think that I don't yet know
I'm a lesbian or that I am actively trying to go
back in the closet.
- I ran into a friend of mine and I was like,
hey, how are you and they had no idea who I was.
They didn't recognize me.
- First off, that's my shirt and those are my pants.
- I haven't gotten any super strange reactions today
but I've noticed that I feel
lazy.
I wasn't put together and therefore I felt
like I wasn't putting forth my best effort.
- (blonde friend) What is this?
- I'm wearing what I wore when I was in the closet.
- How do you feel when you're dressed like this?
Do you feel like you're in high school again?
- Yeah, like I feel myself tugging at my shirt
and like,
just insecure.
- I don't know if I've ever been
more envious of a mannequin.
- Clothes really do impact me and how I feel.
My friends want to go and take like cute pictures
while we were out on our brunch and I was like,
really self conscious about what I was wearing.
- I am so grateful that like,
I faced my fear
and I went against society and my small town
and I came out of the closet.
- I think I would tell my younger self that it's okay
to be different as long as it's you.
- You have to go to bed at night and
ask yourself, are you happy?
- I'm just super gay and I'm really happy about it,
which is gay in more than one sense of the word,
both senses.
Big, happy lesbian.
- I would just tell that little boy that he's gonna be okay.
That it gets better when you love yourself
and accept yourself other people will do the same.