You really need some anger-management classes. Has anybody said that to you
recently? How do you know if you need anger management classes? As I started
into this video, I thought about a related topic. Do I need therapy? Do I
need help?
Traditionally this has been kind of an awkward thing to address. But you know
what? We're in a world now where there's so much information in so many resources.
It's not a bad thing to get some help. Anger management classes are helpful. It
creates a resource for you to deal with something that could otherwise get you
into all kinds of trouble. Some of you might be watching this video because
you're already in a little bit of trouble. Well, let's just acknowledge that
we could all use a little bit of help. And maybe it would be helpful for you to
get into some anger management classes. Let's take this on in kind of a fun way.
I've got the top 10 signs here that maybe you could benefit from some anger
management classes. Let's start the countdown with number 10. People seem to
be defensive around you. Now notice if this is happening. It's easy to blame
them for being too sensitive or maybe they just don't understand you. Yeah, and
that may be true actually. But if you see a lot of people or it's a common
occurrence for people to kind of get their defences up around you, that may be
a sign that you could use some help with how you're coming across or how you're
impacting people. Number 9. This is one that I see a lot with my clients as they
express regrets. You tend to regret what you said or did. Everybody has regrets
from time to time. If this is coming up fairly regularly for you, you might want
to take a look. See, anger changes the way our brain operates.
And otherwise, rational, normal, brilliant, intelligent people do things that they
sometimes regret when they get pulled into a fight-or-flight response.
It's actually chemical response that our brain has. This is part of what you get
to learn in an anger management course. You start to figure out how the brain is
handling certain things and that puts you in a position to have actually a
little more control over your response to that. So watch out for the regrets.
That moves us up to number 8 on the list. More than one person has suggested
it. I had a colleague once say, "Look, if somebody tells you you are a horse,
just ignore them. They're crazy. If 2 or 3 people tell you that you're a
horse, you might want to buy some hay." You're not a horse. If you're
getting feedback from multiple people that maybe you could use some help with
your anger, your temper, with anger management, take that seriously. They're
probably giving you the gift of looking at yourself from a perspective that's
outside of your own skin. Pay attention to that. That brings us up to number
7 on our countdown. You feel like you're surrounded by idiots. I've put
this up as a sign that you might need some anger management courses because it
has the feeling sometimes that everybody out there is nuts. There on the whole
world is crazy except for me. That's usually a sign that
your perceptions are a little out of whack.
I joke with one of my buddies all the time. "Hey, the whole world is crazy except
for you and me. And lately, I'm wondering about you." But notice, if you feel like
you're surrounded by idiots, might be a sign that
own perceptions could use some adjustment. Number 6 is related to that.
You often feel that life is unfair. Okay, newsflash. Life is unfair. But to feel
like that all the time, probably indicates that you're setting up
expectations that can fuel anger. Pay attention to it. These feelings naturally
lead to the next sign on our list. Number 5. You find yourself blaming others or
circumstances for how you feel. This is part of what I call a victim paradigm. I
get into this in detail in Chapter 8 of my book Pathological Positivity. There
are 2 paradigms out there. A victim paradigm and an agent paradigm. The
victim paradigm is one of blame. Where it's not me... And you find someone or some
thing to blame for how you feel. The agent paradigm on the other hand takes
full responsibility for feelings. I am NOT saying that you are to blame or that
it's your fault. Those are both victim kinds of ideas.
Taking responsibility means that you acknowledge that it's your own thought
processes that are causing your feelings. I remember a group of young people that
I was leading in a discussion about being bored. These are all teenagers and
they get bored a lot, right? We came up with a rule in the group that you can
say, "I'm bored." If you follow it with this phrase and I take full responsibility
for that. Yeah. Who talks like that? Nobody. But what
a helpful concept. What a great way to get back into the agent paradigm. You've
got to watch out for that victim thing. it'll grab you. Let's move up to number
4 on our countdown today. You find yourself yelling a lot or
you hear people telling you all the time to stop yelling. You might not have even
thought that you were yelling. But if you're getting this feedback from other
people, it might mean that your tone of voice or your body posture or the way
that you're communicating is coming across to them as yelling. That's good to
know. Again, this is precious feedback that
we're getting from the people in our world about how it is that we're
impacting them. If you find yourself yelling or getting that feedback or
people asking you to stop yelling, might be a sign. Number 3 is getting even
more obvious. You feel frequent surges of rage. It's normal for people to feel
surges of rage or anger from time to time. If you're having it frequently or
if it's starting to disrupt the way that you interact with other people, it's
probably time to start considering some classes or courses or getting some help.
Number 2, you notice people tiptoeing around you. Trying to be careful not to
tip you over. Again, this is feedback that you're impacting them in a way that has
them nervous about how you're going to handle certain things. Might be a sign
that it's time to take a look at it. And the number 1 sign that you might need
anger management classes. Someone has suggested that you need anger management
classes. Don't just write it off. If it comes through the court, especially you
want to pay attention to that because it's going to become a requirement for
you to meet that. What if somebody else in your life? An employer, a spouse, your
child? Someone has suggested to you that you could use anger management classes?
It's probably true. As painful as that would be to accept, be open to that. If
you're humble enough to be open to it, you're already more than halfway to your
solution. So, there's your top 10. I want to close with what I started with.
It's okay. It's okay to get some help. In fact, it is far better to get some help
than to allow your anger, your rage, your pent up feelings and emotions to come
out in a way that hurts people or ultimately hurt you.
And the people that you love. I guess we all could use some help now and again. I
hope you're finding these videos helpful. There's more in the playlists on this
channel.