-Guys, today's Friday.
That's usually when I catch up
with some personal stuff.
You know, I check my inbox,
return some emails, and, of course,
I send out thank-you notes
And I was running a bit behind.
[ Cheering and applause ]
I thought I could write some out right now.
Roots, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?!
[ Playing tender tune ]
[ Laughter ] ♪♪
-Wow.
[ Laughter ] ♪♪
-Thank you, Ariana Grande joining "The Voice."
Although, it was scary the other night
when her chair spun around so fast
that her ponytail almost took out John Legend.
[ Laughter and applause ] -Whapssh!
Ksss!
-[ French accent ] Those bitches.
[ Laughter ]
You had a bag with baguette in it, too, didn't you,
when you were doing that?
I saw the whole thing. -When I did that,
I had a striped shirt. -Yep, beret.
-A beret, of course. -A little mustache.
-Drawn on. -Yep.
-Drawn-on mustache. -Yep, cigarette.
-Cigatette. -And a baguette
out of your back pocket. -Yes, and a beret
in the other pocket. -In case this one fell off, yeah.
-As a gift for someone. -I saw that all. Acting.
-You saw that in the acting? -Yeah.
I saw that. Just from the movement,
I could tell. Ooh!
Oh, my gosh! The beret just --
Wait, are you wearing a beret, or not?
Sssss!
You put it out in a cup of espresso.
-Correct.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, my gosh. He's got some butter?
Some beurre?
Jam. Ham. Nutella.
[ Laughter ] What is it?
Peanut butter. You're French.
Oh, you're spreading something.
It's French bread.
French fries.
-Brie. -[ French accent ] Mayonnaise?
Cheese. Gruyère cheese?
-Close. -Brie!
-Guys, guys!
Stop! -You're a Frenchman.
You're spreading...
-Dijon.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Gosh!
[ Muttering ]
-I feel like a fool. I feel like a fool.
You're prepping the sandwich.
[ Laughter ]
-I was correcting the sandwich. -Yeah, yeah, yeah,
you were just getting ready to eat.
I thought you were creating a sandwich.
-I was correcting the sandwich.
-You were correcting it by putting Dijon.
-I don't work at Subway.
I'm a sandwich corrector. -Right.
"Hey, that's wrong." -Thanks.
[ Laughter ] ♪♪
Thank you, Applebee's new spooky Halloween cocktails.
Or as people everywhere put it, "Uh,
I'm going to have to do my own research
before I put that into my body."
[ Laughter and applause ]
I'm gonna have to do my own research
before I do that, please.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
Thank you, sweater weather,
or, as I like to call it,
Chris Evans season.
[ Cheering and applause ]
-[ Scat sings note ]
[ Laughter ] ♪♪
Thank you, outdoor movie nights,
for combining the fun of going to the movies
with the excitement of getting
600 mosquito bites.
[ Laughter and applause ] -[ Buzz ]
[ Continues buzzing ]
[ Laughter ]
-Higgins, can you not do that?
Sounds like a mosquito.
-Oh, I'm sorry. I have something in my throat.
-Yeah. -[ Buzz ]
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Thank you, laptop chargers,
for only ever coming in two lengths --
6 inches too short, or 6 feet too long.
[ Laughter and applause ]
That's a long charger.
[ Applause ]
[ Laughter ] ♪♪
Thank you, push pins,
for being thumb tacks that wear top hats.
There you have it, everybody. [ Cheering and applause ]
Those are my thank-you notes.