-Do a lot of people...
defecate in their pants while they do this?
'Cause...I did that.
Is that normal?
-Welcome to "Inside My Mind,"
where we get into celebrities' heads
to see what's really going on in there.
May or may not be a good idea.
Hey. What's going on?
It's Trey,
and we're back here for another episode of "Inside My Mind."
Today we have with us
actor/comedian/writer Jim Gaffigan.
-Thanks for having me. -Thanks for being here.
-So, we're gonna go inside your mind?
-The other way around.
-Oh. -Yeah.
-I don't know if there's enough room.
See? 'Cause I have a small one.
Forget it. -Alright.
So, first thing I want you to do
is get real comfortable in this chair.
Just gonna close your eyes,
and I want you to take
a deep breath through your nose...
and out your mouth.
-[ Breathing heavily ]
-I want you to kind of repeat
a three-word mantra to yourself.
-[Muttering indistinctly]
Honey Nut Cheerios.
[ Bubbling ]
-Imagine there's a rain falling around you,
and as that rain starts to collect,
it starts to build
a new world around you,
little diamond full of things,
just kind of popping up to the...
-The ocean in Ireland.
Ancestors came from there, but it's still foreign.
-How's the wind on your face feel?
-[Muttering indistinctly]
It smells...kind of clean,
and there's sheep in the distance.
-I want you to go ahead and describe
these sheep that we've come up on.
-I guess they're lamb. [ Lamb bleats ]
-No, sheep. They're sheep.
[ Sheep bleats ]
They just look at me, like, "What are you doing here?"
You know, like -- like I was
breaking into their...
private space.
They're much more complex than their appearance.
-I want you to look around.
You see a vehicle or anything?
-There's a bike.
-I want you to start pumping real hard
to get as much momentum as you can up the hill.
Then as we hit the top,
we're gonna kinda jump into the sky.
♪♪
We're not quite in the clouds,
but we're, like, right near them,
just kind of freely...
freely moving to the east.
-It'd be so funny if I died right now,
in the middle of this whole thing.
If I was just, like, dead,
and you would be like, "Alright.
Well, can we still use the episode?"
-I mean, you signed the release.
-Oh, yeah.
♪♪
-We've landed,
and I want you to tell us where we are now.
-I think it's a theater.
It would be, like, a theater like that,
but I walk in...
and someone points me
to the stage.
I go, and I walk out onstage. [ Applause ]
-Is there a crowd in there? [ Microphone feedback ]
-Yeah, it's there,
but I can see some faces.
-What was your first time on stage like?
-It was perfect? [ Ragtime music plays ]
I was nervous,
but I was prepared.
I went out and did my job.
After having been lost for so long,
I knew exactly...
what I was gonna do
for the rest of my life.
It was pretty amazing.
-Let's take a walk backstage really quickly.
-Go to an elevator... [ Elevator dings ]
...and go downstairs.
And then go to my green room.
-What's in your rider?
What's in there, waiting for you as you get off stage?
Which refreshments?
-A deli tray...
healthy bread that's usually horrible...
my nicotine gum, my best friend.
-You've been quitting smoking?
-20 years.
So, I chew the gum.
-Then let's go look in the mirror real quick.
Now as you're looking in the mirror...
it's still you, but it's a different environment
in the mirror than the green room is.
Tell me about where you are in the mirror.
Oh, it's like a mirror in a...
in restaurant or something.
♪♪
-Let's climb through the mirror
and go into that restaurant.
♪♪
Like, a steakhouse or something.
I walk over, and I sit...
...into the both.
It's dark...
with, like, drop lighting.
Kind of caught between...
old school and kind of Vegas-y.
It's like a nicer steakhouse type of place,
where they make a salad
at the table.
♪♪
And then I go back to my room,
my hotel room,
and I climb in bed,
and I watch the news.
-What's going on in the world on the news?
-So much drama.
So much miscommunication.
-How do we fix that?
♪♪
-I think we have to...
We have to embrace the people that are different.
It's too easy to call them idiots.
We can't respond emotionally.
It's a lazy approach,
but it's so fun to respond emotionally.
-I want you to pull the covers over your head.
And when you're ready,
pull the blanket off,
and you're back here with us.
-How do you know if any of this is good?
I mean, it could be bad, right?
-I mean, that's life.
-Right? -That's life, man.
-It must be a shock that I would talk about steak.
Like, you wouldn't think
that I would be, like, someone who would...
People probably think I'm a vegetarian.
I had a root canal right before I came here.
So, the pain killer is kind of wearing off,
and that's a delight.
-Mm.
-You don't want to break up, do you?
-Nah, not at all. -Okay. Good.
-We're in this for the long haul, baby.
-We'll be right back.
I didn't even know this was my camera till the end.
♪♪
The whole idea is you want someone to be like,
"And then I murdered this lady," right?
That's what you want. -Yeah, we're basically trying
to get confessions. -[ Chuckling ] Right.
You're like, "And then what I do is,
I bury all the cocaine...
[ Both laugh ]
...and then no one will know."