(audience cheer)
You look beautiful. Thank you.
Thanks for being here. You look good too.
Oh, I know.
I like that tie.
What's that? You like this tie?
I like your tie.
Well, you can eat it after the show.
I know, it does. It's made of StarburSts,
that have been glued together, yeah.
But, thanks for being here.
Thank you for inviting me.
Congratulations, I haven't seen you since you won
the Golden Globe for your role in The Closure.
That's very exciting. Yeah.
It was, it was fantastic.
And last year, you hosted the Emmy's and you were so funny.
Oh, please, that's madness. You were hysterical.
No, and let me tell you,
(audience cheer)
you were, you were so funny.
Can I just say something, the pause,
before the audience applauded, was awkwardly long.
(audience laugh)
She's like, you were so funny and the crowd's like,
well, I don't know. Yeah.
They were waiting for the sign.
I've seen better.
You were so funny, please.
and I was in the most uncomfortable dress.
and I was in the front row.
And the only thing that kept me going was you.
Well, thank you very much. 'Cause I lost too.
Right, but the Golden Globe, that's fantastic.
But, you were amazing, yeah, the Golden Globe.
You know, I'm curious about something.
Your career is of course going very well.
But, this mut be a little difficult.
Your husband, Mr.Kevin Bacon lives in New York,
with the kids. Right.
So, you've gotta keep this relationship going
long distance Right.
That's gotta be difficult? Yeah, it's hard, you know.
But, there's the phone and there's iChat
iChat? Yeah.
Is iChat, you find that better than the phone?
Yeah.
Because you know, you can see each other and,
let's just say I'm really grateful for Steven jobs.
Right, right.
He's kept my marriage together.
Right, does it ever get kinky over iChat?
Is that what you're suggesting?
You know, maybe, sometimes.
You know, I think when they came up with the computer,
that wasn't their first thought.
Maybe it was their first thought.
But, it was the second thought.
Right, right. Let me tell you.
Because, I mean iChat, I mean really?
What are people gonna use that for?
But, how hot and heavy can it get on iChat?
I mean, I've experienced that a little bit
and it doesn't look like you can really be like, you know.
Doesn't look that exciting to me.
Well, you have to use your imagination.
No, it's good though, it's gotten better and better.
Okay.
Maybe you don't have the right camera.
(all laugh)
You just solved all my problems.
You've been married now how many, 18 years?
We're going on 19, 19 in September.
Wow. I know.
(audience cheer)
Oh yeah, oh yeah, thank you.
Look at that, immediate applause for that concept.
Was it love at first sight when you and Kevin met?
What were the circumstances of your meeting?
We met doing a film called Lemon Sky.
Which was, do you remember ABC, I mean PBS.
The network, ABC? No, no, no, no, sorry.
I don't remember them back in the day.
I'm wrong, I'm wrong, PBS.
Pity, what happened to ABC?
PBS.
American Play House, anyway, it doesn't matter.
They did this small films and they did a film called
Lemon Sky and we met.
And, the first time I met him, actually I was 12
and he was much older, he was in a play.
But, that was a long time ago.
But, we met doing this movie.
Oh good, my God, I thought you were.
That almost took a horrible turn.
Yeah, we fell in love when I was 12
and got married, in the Ozarks.
No, but when we met, it was instant lust on his part.
He says it was instant lust.
And for me it was instant, not so interested.
How old were you really when this happened?
No, I was 22. Okay, good, good.
Yeah.
And you met and so, what did he do to pursue you?
I like to hear those stories, 'cause I wanna know how to.
Right, well, you know, it's actually a great,
because what? I missed it. No, nothing.
I only let that go, no.
No, I'm just curious, is he suave and cool about it?
Well yeah, no what happened was
he kept inviting the whole cast out to dinner.
And I kept saying no, because I wasn't interested
and I just wanted to go work in my hotel room.
And so one day he said to me, you know,
have you ever had a massage?
And I said, no, I've never had one.
I say that sometimes.
In college when I saw a girl on the bus, I liked,
I tried that line, want a little massage?
Mace is very painful, I think.
It burns the eyes, the nostrils.
When he was saying massage, was he offering a massage?
Anyway, no, no, no, what he was saying was that
at his hotel there was a good masseuse there.
And the masseuse place, the place you get them sized
was in the gym.
And so, I made an appointment,
but I didn't tell him what time my appointment was.
But he said to me, if I'm working out
and I happen to be finished with my workout
after you're done with your massage,
maybe we can like, go get some dinner.
And I was like, yeah, sure, whatever.
That's not happening.
Right.
Kind of like that, just like that.
Yeah, guys love it when women do that to them.
Well, when I got out of the massage place,
he was like, ooh huh, that was a tough workout.
Wanna go out to dinner?
And he was wearing a white tuxedo.
I was lifting this rose over my head.
Maybe you would like it.
And later on he told me that
he had planned the whole thing, but it took me a while.
I thought you were gonna say
that you showed up for the massage
and then he was like the masseuse with the bad mustache.
I am Antonio, Bacon.
You had children very young? Yeah.
So, you have teenagers now? Yeah, I do, I do.
You seem very young to have teenagers.
I agree, I feel very young to have teenagers.
My son is 17. Is it weird?
He's actually gonna be 18 next week.
And my daughter is 15.
And you know, I feel like I should be hip and hap
with everything that's going on.
I mean, I remember being a teenager just like yesterday.
Right.
But, there's a couple of things I don't get.
Like I don't get the texting thing.
Yeah, they text everything now.
Are you good at texting? I try to text
and I try to be in with the lingo.
Like, lol, like I always assumed lol was lots of love.
So, I'll text them and say, I'm so proud of you, lol.
(all laugh)
I really like that.
It sort of goes with your, you know,
talking to Kevin and you're like,
oh yeah, I'd love to go to dinner.
Then your child like I just got a message from my mom.
I love you so much, laugh out loud.
Sucker, wow. But I try, you know.
The other thing I don't get is grinding.
Do you know this? You know grinding?
Grinding? What do you mean grinding?
It's a dance.
But it's really strange and different from when I was a kid.
I mean, the grinding, what they do now is they grind.
Which is that, the guy stands up and the girl turns around,
they're not facing each other at all.
The girl turns around and grinds her
butt into the guy's front.
And to me it's really confusing.
'Cause I'm like, they don't really know each other.
They're not even looking at each other.
And yet they're doing this sort of very close.
Whatever are they simulating?
(all laugh)
I don't know why she would be there and he would be there.
But, here's the thing is,
what does that have to do with dancing?
In my day, we did the Charleston.
You know, we, we did the.
In my day. You know,
there was this kind of thing, you know what I mean?
But in my day, we did the eighth grade two-step.
What's the eighth grade two-step?
Can I show you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's the eighth grade two-step?
Here we go.
Give me a little what.
Like stairway to heaven or something.
Yeah, that's good.
Something, yeah, something eighth grady.
(slow drum music)
And then if it got. Turn around.
That's what I did, that's what I did.
Oh more? There's more? No, it's not done.
There's more? Oh.
But then, if we got really close it was like this.
Oh okay, all right.
Wait a minute, wait, I want Naked to come out
and put acne on me so that we can.
Well, don't you remember that?
And my pants would be about here.
That's pretty much what it'd be like
if we're gonna be accurate about this.
My pants would be here, my belt would be here.
I'd be going like this with you.
You know, it'd be really bad.
And then I turn around for the grinding, and then.
That's what would happen.
(audience cheer)
Good Lord.
But, don't you remember the eight grade.
Do you guys remember the eighth grade two-step.
Don't ask them about the eight grade two-step.
These guys grew up fast.
Do you guys remember the eight grade two-step?
Yeah, I think we all did that.
Yeah. But kids grow up so fast
these days, it's terrible. Yes.
But, grinding is confusing, don't you think it's confusing?
Not confusing, I understand what's happening.
But yeah, it does feel like, yeah,
that's not an appropriate dance, I wouldn't allow that.
I have two little children now.
Two? Oh wow. No, they gonna learn the
Charleston.
I'm gonna teach them dances from the 1880s.
(audience laugh)
My daughter's gonna wear a hoop skirt.
We're gonna churn butter.
And a chastity belt.
Yeah, exactly, the whole night.
The boys gonna wear a chastity belt, I'm telling you,.
I've got some ideas here.