Hello. My name is Devin Siebold.
Virtual learning students long for things to return to normal
and parents don't want their child missing out on the full in-person learning "experience".
That's where my company comes in.
We here at the Home E-Learning Liquidators want your virtual school to become a reality.
Each day we strive to bring the actual public school learning experience
directly into your living room.
Take a look at just a glimpse of what we can create within your own home.....
Man oh man, I tell you what. At first I thought the idea of bringing the public school
system home to my son was impossible but by the third day he was completely miserable again.
I never seen anything like it, I mean hell...
I forgot he was even home.
(son) You walked behind me nude in my Zoom class!
I said I forgot you were here!
We begin by sending our specialized handyman over to break
most of your amenities and give you the full public school "building" experience.
Let's go over the work order again, make sure you got everything.
Your toilet is clogged, I put water all over the floor, and even sprinkled
some random pubes around the sink just for touch.
I hid an open twinkie in your house so the ants should be arriving any day now...
I stuck 12 year old gum right underneath all your tables and chairs....
and your thermostat now goes from desert to tundra throughout the day for no reason whatsoever.
Enjoy your public school.
But why??
(Dad) I didn't know they could see me, it was cold, cut me a break.
Not you dad... gosh....
Next we gut your fridge and stock it full of schoolhouse favorites.
Daddddd.
All the milk is expired... and is the orange juice in a plastic bag?
And are the tacos in here just uneaten hamburgers from yesterday that are diced up?
What?!
Even the school smells will be pumped directly into your home like....
Mold.
Asbestos
The kid who didn't shower.
And that teacher that everyone knows smokes in the parking lot but still hides it for some reason.
(coughing)
The car... the car... car was overheating.
(coughing)
Speaking of smoking, even the fire drills are covered.
Dad.... can I come inside?
I said not until the building is clear. Come on Tatum, come on, shoot the ball.
It's just us that live here.
I said not until it's clear, you wanna stay outside longer? Damn.
Aren't you just watching basketball?
Does your student think they can't get detention at home? Think again.
(teacher) Alright, that does it, you're in detention.
What?!
What's this? (teacher) Just go ahead and click the link.
Oh no, oh god no. I'm not watching that.
(teacher)That's right, you will watch the last season of Game of Thrones and you will like it.
But... but the writing!
(teacher) Ahhhh you did this to yourself son.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
We even have those awkward PE moments your child missed so much.
Kid, I'm your new PE coach, first thing's first, hit yourself in the face with a dodgeball.
Again? But what if we pretend like I caught this one?
You're 5'2" and watch anime. You didn't catch it.
Fine.
Don't worry children, we have some of the highlights for you as well.
Watch your friend that never seems to attend class walk by the window of your own home
and show off until he gets caught.
Hey, get out of my window!
We leave no detail unattended.
Dad?
Dad is that you?
Who's staring at me through the crack in the door?
And why do we have a crack in the door? I'm trying to go to the restroom.
Go away.
Dad? Dad.
Dad, that's you right?
With Home E-Learning Liquidators we close the gap between the in-person and virtual learning experience.
For more info (announcements in background) Bus 74 your will be using the red....
(announcements continue in background)
I'm sorry they gave me this obnoxiously loud speaker system that
that just makes random announcements in an annoying monotone voice throughout the day....
it interrupts everything I do... it's... incredibly annoying.
Yes, yes it is. Sign up today.
(crying)