- Was your first time with someone you loved?
At the time.
- At the time, yeah.
- Really?
- I liked him a lot.
[upbeat music]
- Hello, my name is Stephanie and this is my mom, Barbara.
- I think we're extremely close.
- Today, I'm gonna be debating my mom
on different feminist statements.
- We usually agree for the most part,
but there are some new modern age things in society
that I agree with more than I would say than she does.
- Dieting is toxic.
- Disagree.
[buzzer buzzing] - Agree.
[bell dinging]
- Agree. - Agree.
[bell dinging]
- I completely agree.
From the point of trying to diet,
but also seeing how it has affected my grandmother,
my mother, myself.
It's physically draining.
It's mentally draining.
I'm not against eating well, being healthy,
taking care of yourself,
but I don't think it should be for this specific goal
of being 10 pounds less or five pounds less
or 20 pounds less because it's a tough dream to chase.
- Agree.
- I love a good snack.
I love sugar.
The truth is when you try and diet it,
you get more hungrier.
- We introduced my mom to salads.
- She just took the words outta my mouth.
- [Crew] Wait, the concept of a salad?
- Yeah, she's from the south so...
- Fatty, greasy, you name it.
- Veggies are not typically the most popular thing,
like Alabama, south.
So as kids, me and my brother introduced my mom to salads
'cause we had it at school
and I was like, "You should try this, this is great."
She'll eat it.
But she wants a bunch of stuff and it, mostly cheese.
- And bacon bits.
- It wasn't until the last maybe three to five years
that I've actually gotten in touch with what real health is
and being in tune with my body,
in that way I feel like I've gotten to be so much healthier,
but every time I've dieted it doesn't do anything.
- No, it doesn't.
It has taken me a long time to get there.
It was really important to me with Erica growing up
as well, and my son, to make sure that it was healthy eating
and it was not about this body image
and making sure you were skinny
or perfect or anything like that.
- Your first time should be with someone you love.
[bell dinging]
[buzzer buzzing]
- Wait, I don't... [bell dinging]
[crew laughing]
[bell dinging]
[buzzer buzzing] - Agree.
Are you kidding me?
- But you think you love them.
You're young and you think you do-
- Okay, but at the time you should love them.
- Or like them a lot.
- Was your first time with someone you loved?
At the time.
- At the time, yeah.
- Really?
- I liked him a lot.
I look back and I think,
"I thought I loved him but we were younger."
[both laughing]
- It's like of course the first time you do it
you wanna feel comfortable with someone
and be vulnerable and love them.
I don't know exactly what age people tend to do it first.
and it's kind of like where really
is your understanding of love at that point?
Because I know- - I agree.
- I don't think I understood love at that age.
- Yeah, I would agree.
My first time, even though we tell you
it was with your father,
it might have been when I was a little bit younger
and I can't say that I really loved that person.
At that moment in time, it felt like,
"Oh, this is what I need to do because I want this."
I think the right intentions were in my heart, like,
"Oh, this is somebody I really care for."
It's just not really love.
- We're talking about the first time now,
second, third or fourth is a whole different story.
[both laughing]
- Crop tops can be worn on any body type.
[buzzer buzzing]
[buzzer buzzing] - Oh!
[buzzer buzzing]
- It depends on the body size.
We cannot just put a crop top on anybody
'cause some people look like they're wearing
a sausage casing, that won't work in my book.
- I think you can be a more curvaceous person
wearing a crop top, you can have a little bit more.
Depending on the cut of the top and the cut of the bottoms,
I say yes.
I'm gonna say agree.
- Honestly since I am a little older,
I'm a little more self-conscious now, but Deja says,
"You look fine."
- I just think she looks fine.
I think stuff with body positivity
is more of a yourself type of thing.
You can tell someone all you want,
"You look fine, you look fine,"
but they have to really feel that way.
So we're gonna work on that for you, right?
- Yes. - Yeah.
- We'll work on it.
- It's not that I wouldn't love
to see crop tops on everyone,
I just know that I personally don't look good in a crop top.
It kind of fits me weird and I got some crazy stuff
going on in the belly region
thanks to you and your brother.
So not every body type.
- Do you believe in body positivity for yourself?
- Yes.
- Yes? - Maybe not.
It might be like my little insecurities,
how as my body gets older and my body changes,
I remember what it used to be
and then I see women my age who are doing things
that make themselves look better
and no matter how hard I try, I can't get there.
I wanna be body positive for myself,
but I do have insecurities.
- I hear you.
I think you're beautiful.
I love you. - I think your beautiful.
- If women don't wanna get catcalled,
they should dress differently.
Ooo!
We have had this conversation before.
[bell dinging]
- Disagree. - Disagree.
- I disagree. [bell dinging]
[bell dinging]
[buzzer buzzing]
- I just feel like I shouldn't have to watch
what I'm wearing on my body.
What I wanna wear is up to me.
- Everyone should be able to wear what they wanna wear.
However, the wrong people could get the wrong idea.
- There is like that,
"Ooo, they think I'm cute."
Or, "Ooo."
But cat calls are just rude.
- Yeah, agree.
- I think that how a woman chooses to dress
does not make you entitled to speak to her any kind of way.
- Right.
- And I also think that if you really wanted
to have a conversation with that woman,
there's a way to approach and it's not like,
"Hey, baby, yo, baby."
- Yeah, exactly.
- That's not the way. - Exactly.
- Honestly, the only experience catcalling,
that I don't even think you could call it catcalling,
is when you're in the bathroom at the bar
and another girl's like, "You look so good."
- Yes, that's good. - That I love.
- That I love too, that I love.
- Nothing hypes me up more than a girl in the bathroom
telling me I look amazing.
- Yes.
- Now don't get me wrong,
I do think there's a time and a place for everything.
Certain outfits I obviously wouldn't wear to certain places,
you know what I mean?
But if I'm going out to the nightclub,
you gonna to see me like, "Hey!"
You know what I'm saying?
[laughing]
- I embrace having a full bush.
- Disagree. [bell dinging]
[bell dinging]
[buzzer buzzing]
- Yeah, totally.
Why not?
It's nature.
We always talk about this.
- Yes, we sure do.
- [Crew] You guys always talk about this?
- Yes.
[both laughing]
I'm a free bird.
I'd probably be a nudist in another time.
- Definitely.
- Yeah and it doesn't matter what I look like,
that's my mom.
You saw me come out, you know what I look like.
- Me, no, I like manicured, groomed.
I feel yucky if I'm not shaving down there.
- I grew up in the seventies
and back then women did not groom as much.
It was terrifying.
- What are your grooming habits like?
- No hair.
- From here down, the mustache, arms, everything.
- You have a mustache?
- Yes.
You gave me the Italian blood.
- I know.
She was born really furry.
She was really furry when she was born.
She had fur all over her face.
- So I said agree because I think that
it's your private area,
you should be able to do that and embrace that
and I also think it's seasonal.
Maybe in the winter you need a little bit more warmth,
you need a little bit more coverage.
In the summer, you're in a bathing suit, swimsuit,
you don't want as much coverage
and I also think full bush,
but also we're trimming the hedges.
We're keeping it neat.
- Yeah. - Right?
- She likes the runway.
[both laughing]
Whatever that means.
[laughing]
- Sending someone nudes is a fun way to flirt.
[bell dinging]
- I'm gonna say. [bell dinging]
[squealing] [both laughing]
- Oh God. - Don't overthink it.
- I can't help but overthink it.
[bell dinging] - Oh, thank God.
[both laughing]
- Who you sending nude to, girl?
Who be talking to?
- I'm not sending nudes.
I just think it's-
- You think it would be like fun.
- Yeah.
- I think it depends too on the person.
Not just sitting in nudes to any old body now.
- I can agree now as a 24 year old girl
who is in a lovely relationship,
I can understand when you're far away for sometimes,
sometimes you need to just have fun.
- But that stays on the internet forever.
- No. [daughter laughing]
H-E double hockey sticks, no.
They've even tried to send me their nudies and I'm like...
[both laughing]
- I will tell you that there's a little bit
of a green in there.
- What is the green?
- So I know plenty of people in relationships
that maybe have distance issues
and they may occasionally send pictures like that.
Not me. - Oh my God.
- Not me.
I don't like that stuff.
- I don't think it's a fun way to flirt.
- Well, that's you.
'Cause you're all married now.
- So sometimes men, you don't have to ask them,
they'll just send you unsolicited dick picks.
- What?
- Yeah, it's a thing they do.
- That would be an insult to me, disrespectful.
- Well they think it's a gift.
- Really?
- They think they're gifting you with their dick's image.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Huh, interesting.
- Most women have the inherent desire to be mothers.
[bell dinging]
- Agree. - Disagree.
[bell dinging]
- Disagree. - Disagree.
- I think that most women
have the inherent trait to procreate.
And I don't think all do and I respect those who don't,
but I think for me it was a very strong calling.
- I can see why people might not want to have babies
or why maybe the desire isn't as strong.
Especially I feel like sometimes
when I think about the shape of the world,
sometimes people can be scared of having babies.
- Oh, for sure.
- But my son and and his partner,
they may not have children either.
So it's kind of like and I don't mean
to get emotional about it,
but I had this like preconceived notion
of what my life was gonna look like
and the more I love my children
and the more I learn that their lives are not my life
and if I'm not destined to have grandchildren, that's okay.
- It's not a mandatory that everybody needs to be a mother.
It depends on the situation and the circumstance.
But in her case, she need to hurry up and be a mommy.
'Cause I wanna be a grandmother.
- That is not the question.
- Oh, that's not the topic.
- Do you have like that need to be a grandmother?
- No, the need I have is to see you happy
and however that's defined for you
is really what's important to me.
- She's very supportive.
- Period sex is gross.
[laughing]
- Agree. [bell dinging]
[bell dinging]
[buzzer buzzing] - Agree.
- I don't think what my body does is gross
and early on in my relationship with my husband,
it didn't bother him so it worked.
- Sometimes when the time is right, the time is right.
- I wanna be very clear.
The period is not gross
'cause that's a natural bodily function.
But I would not want a penis coming at me.
I don't wanna be touched.
I don't want you near me.
- It's a violation at that time.
- It feels like a violation.
It's like, "My body is going through something."
- Yeah. - "Stay away from me.
"Keep it away from me."
- It's not my preference.
But if the mood strikes you and you're on your period,
I guess... - The mood strikes you.
- It is just kind of gross.
- I guess.
- I think I would think about it more than my partner.
- Yeah.
I think, again, it goes back to this whole idea
of accepting your body, accepting who you are
and accepting and if you're partner and you
are fine with it, then you're fine with it
and if you're not then you're not.
- Put towel down, I guess.
I think for myself it's gross.
- Do it in the shower.
- Ew.
- Ew. [laughing]
- Thank you so much mom for-
- Well, thank you.
- Coming on this show with me today.
- Yes, thank you for giving me an opportunity
to do something with you.
- Do you feel a little validated?
- I do feel validated.
- I like this thing because it opens up conversation
in a way that we might-
- It's fun. - Yeah.
- And lighthearted versus-
- And we like to debate.
Its 'cause we're two women
in two different bodies at two different ages.
So it's like I can understand her perspective
when she explains it and you can understand mine.
- Thank you for coming on the show with me.
I know it was a little scary, but we did it.
- Thank you, I am so excited that you came.
- You're welcome.
- This was fun.
- Yeah, this is cute, right?
I told you.
[laughing]
- [Together] Bye!