I'm already crying.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
Why are we back here again?
Um
Because our life is f*cking nuts.
and, um, we are in constant motion.
And
{The And} has been an incredible time capsule.
Of our relationship,
of our family, and of our lives.
And we started when I was pregnant with Naiya.
Nine and a half years ago?
So it's been so meaningful.
What has changed the most for us
since the last time we were on {The And}?
Um
Our roles?
I would go out and work, and
you would watch the kids and, um,
now I'm your co-founder.
We go to work together.
And we built a company together.
And, um,
I feel so
excited about
this, um,
this idea, this
pattern that we've brought into our relationship.
Where we try to
see ourselves in as many ways as possible.
First, we see ourselves as a boyfriend and girlfriend,
and then we saw ourselves as husband and wife,
and then we saw each other as mother and father.
And now we see each other as business partners.
And I'm excited to see
what the next way is
that we try to see each other.
Is this a pass card?
I don't really-
let´s see where it goes.
How many de we have?
Make the sound of my presence.
And it's in S - E - N - C - E, not S - E - N - T - S.
Is a hard one!
“Umph”
There you go, that's the sound.
Stressful to make a “umph”
“Umph”
It said, it said I'm supposed to do that for you too, by the way.
Oh God.
What´s my sound?
“Aahhh!”
The Kermit the Frog that, that does, that does sound,
that does sum it up, okay.
What do you think has been our greatest accomplishment
thus far as a couple?
There´s so many, it´s really,
It's really hard for me to choose, um
One is that we always keep laughing.
We always keep laughing.
It´s, It's such an accomplishment.
because laughter feels like
true joy.
It feels like real excitement.
And we keep laughing, which I think is great.
We also,
are open to and welcome getting uncomfortable.
we get uncomfortable physically,
we get uncomfortable emotionally,
we get uncomfortable with asking
for reflection from the other person
about how we're being.
You've been incredible in helping me to become a better father
by helping to point out
ways that I can show up as my best self.
And that getting uncomfortable as an ethos
I think has been a huge,
huge, um, accomplishment in our relationship.
How do you explain the story of us
up to this point?
Um
I would explain our story
of being willing to grow with each other
We are so different than the two people that met
Mhm.
Nineteen years ago?
Was it Nineteen years ago?
Nineteen years.
Nineteen years ago.
There's a different man standing in front of me.
I think there's this fallacy in, in relationships that,
the person you meet is the person you're going to be with.
But that's not true in reflection.
Who you are when you meet someone is very different
than who you will be in five, ten,
fifteen, nineteen years later.
And
And I would say our story,
the triumph of our story, is
We have learned how to grow together
And it takes practice.
And in the beginning, it's it's scary.
It's unsettling.
You know,
“Oh, no, Is this the end?”
Because it could be,
it could be the end in so many different ways.
I think so many relationships
stop or split because
you're not able to come back together,
you're not able to grow together.
You're not able to grow with the person that's growing across from you.
It's like this constant moving algorithm of
you know, does this line up?
I love it when you say algorithm.
maybe that's your sound “algorithm”
algorithm - rhithm
So that's
when I when I talk about us,
if I were to summarize it, it would come back to that.
Like Ben and I have have learned
how to grow with each other
What have you learned about me as a parent
that you didn't see in me as a lover?
it makes me think of
those, those late nights.
It's three in the morning
and Ray is sick and he has a fever
and,
you in the rocking chair singing to him.
You have the most beautiful voice.
But you're tired.
You're exhausted.
And it's
all that you can do to stay awake,
and, um, getting to see
that part of you,
getting to see you
dig, that
to a depth that I didn't know anybody had.
Because I know that you love your sleep.
And so
that to me
has been incredible to see,
in who you are as a mother.
Thank you.
What do you feel is the biggest challenge
we have overcome to get here?
Hmm.
It´s so funny, cause like,
the greatest challenges that we have overcome
are probably earlier on.
Um.
What about the kids like getting really sick?
Oh yeah - And I mean, like
I think that's like a level of,
Mm.
you know, that's a level of it's terror.
Like it's helpless terror.
That's an interesting perspective because it's
I was thinking of the hardest things with each other
but what you're talking about is the hardest thing together.
And without a doubt.
Without a doubt.
When Naiya got that
um,
Impetigo
impetigo to sepsis, to like,
holy sh*t, how´s this going to down?
To reactions from all the antibiotics that she was being put on,
I remember, uh,
you telling me, you know,
you know,
I remember you looking at me and saying, should we go to the hospital?
Is it time?
It was one of the most terrifying experiences
of, of my life.
Just knowing what was at stake.
I think a real accomplishment
in
very much in line with that is
the
fluidity that we will pass decision making.
Mh-mm.
There are times where,
you know, I look to you and I'm like “Sid, what do you think?”
And there are times you, you pass the vote to me.
There are times where neither of us wants to make the decision.
And then there are times where we both feel strongly.
And I think that, um,
our ability to navigate that,
Yeah.
is a real testament to
the dynamism
of our back and forth,
because I think that's the control piece that I think
can be really hard to navigate in a relationship.
I love that you picked up on that,
cause in retelling that story too, I,
you know, I look, I look to you as our bellwether
in so many things.
You know, of,
“all right, if Ben's, if Ben's losing his shit,
it's really time for me to lose my shit!”
“Is Ben okay?”
Yeah “Is Ben okay?”
“Ben´s not okay!!”
Um,
you know, because I see you as this
just, like, this incredible
pillar of reason and, and
intention and thoughtfulness.
What do you think concerns me the most
about preparing our children for the future?
What do I think concerns you the most?
Wow.
There´s the internal concerns,
that I see you having for our kids.
The wanting them to be people
That go out into the world and are able to thrive and succeed
and make the lives that they want.
And there's the things on the outside
school shootings and these things that we just
we feel so powerless against.
My perception is that it's the outside
pieces that concern you the most.
To, to put different words to what you just shared.
One of my greatest fears is that
the resilience that
I have grown to treasure within myself
was forged through trauma.
like how are we going to raise anti fragile children?
in this incredibly warm nurturing, like
We're trying to do all those things,
but it's like, it almost is
You know, so I question that.
Um
and then
in having a young girl,
one of the biggest fears in my life is
you know,
the the statistic is 25% of young women are sexually abused.
And I know that statistic personally.
So in
raising a girl,
it's just scary.
And
And I don't want to put a boogeyman in every corner
because that's not going to help her,
especially in
growing to be confident and powerful.
You don't model a world
that you constantly need to be fearful of.
Yeah.
So what's that dance?
What's that balance of education, information
that's age appropriate, that's empowering,
you know, in raising a young girl
and raising a young boy, You know, like those
those are the questions that I
face the most.
Describe a moment
with our children that you will never forget.
God, there's so many.
Yeah.
There's so many.
There's.
There's, you know, like a cute
like holding my children for the first time.
when they've been born, to,
you know, just the simple moments of like,
just being in a car all together
with the sun coming in through the, you know, the windows
and a good tune on the radio, like
You think you'll remember that?
I will remember.
That might all fade,
Fade, fuse, into one memory
of just being in the car all together.
But I still remember being in the car with my family,
you know, having like, a moment.
What's an unshakable truth
about our connection to each other
and what makes it so?
God, an unshakable truth.
We know where this is all going.
The number of times where
we have
dreamed what it would be like to be parents
all the time.
We say it's happening,
it's happening.
And the greatest way, I think, to find
purpose in your best self in every moment
is to look at it from the perspective
of somebody who is taking their last breath.
I believe in it so deeply.
And we do that.
We know that's where we'll be.
When little videos pop up of
“Oh my Gosh, you remember this? This is giving Naiya
that bath”, or “you remember that?”
it grounds
in that unshakable truth,
which is this will end someday.
But it's
pretty incredible right now.
Yeah.
On your deathbed
What do you want to hear your children
tell you?
It's funny.
Like,
here we are spending every minute of every moment
trying to make something of legacy for our children.
But I.
I don't think that's what I care about hearing at the end.
I just want to know that
I was there for them
in all the times that really mattered
Why am I in your life?
I've said this to you so many times.
Without you, I wouldn't be
the best version of myself.
There's no question
One of the things I think of
with you in my life, I,
I feel like there's no failure
and it gives me this freedom
because I know if we, if we f**k it up,
we lose everything.
Our business implodes.
You know, I'm still going to have the things that matter most.
I'm still going to have you and our family.
Mhm.
And there's a safety in that.
There's just a profound safety in that
that even when things feel really scary,
it's like
the big pieces are
unshakable.
Mhm.
Hey there.
Thanks so much for watching.
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