I wanna thank President Trump
for giving me an excuse to visit Greenland.
I went from knowing nothing about a country
to falling in love with it in three days.
A special thanks to the people of Greenland
for their generous hospitality
and their even more generous portions of dried fish.
(audience applauding)
Well, this is exciting.
Just touched down in Greenland
and big crowd turned out to greet me.
Settle down, everybody, settle down!
Little known fact about Greenland,
snowmobiles come from all over the world
to this area to mate. (engines groaning)
It's a six-week rutting season,
they've been going at it.
They're resting right now.
I wanna give 'em their privacy, so, let's go this way.
(silly singing)
What's happening under the table?
Young man, what are you doing under the table?
What's his name?
Ian.
Oh, Ian?
Like on Grukka?
Ian, Ian.
Okay, I'm just gonna call him Grukka,
'cause it's just all a mishmash to me.
Grukka, Grukka, what are you doing under the table?
I want you to come up here and tell us
what you think about the American foreign policy.
(laughing)
Grukka, where are you?
Grukka!
Can my wife cook?
What do you care?
You eat raw reindeer liver,
what do you care if someone cooks?
You know what I mean?
Yeah, you had an antler for breakfast
and you're asking if my wife cooks?
What did you have, like?
You had a carp eyeball as a snack an hour ago.
I saw you eat a rock on the way in.
And you said that you like McDonald's?
Yeah.
I'm gonna give you this Happy Meal.
This Happy Meal's for you. Thank you.
The only thing I will say,
is we bought it three days ago,
and it's been sitting in a plane, okay?
It got a little hot on the plane
and this has been smelling weird.
But still, that's my gift to you.
Thank you very much.
You got a Make America Greenland Also hat.
And you got a three-day-old rotting Happy meal.
This is the American dream.
You have a guitar over there, what's that all about?
Sometimes you need to just relax
and play guitar, take a break.
Yeah. Yeah.
I imagine it gets pretty hectic around here.
It does.
Anything to sort of take the edge off.
You know, we've been sitting here for a while
and your phone has not rung once.
Yeah, I know.
There's cobwebs all over it.
But when the United Nations declared
that you should decolonize all your countries,
Denmark figured out a different way to do it.
Basically, we were part of Denmark,
but we were not park of Denmark
because we were used to be a colony.
In other words, what you're saying is
there's something rotten in the state of Denmark.
But I gotta hit that again
'cause what you're saying is
there's something rotten in the state of Denmark.
Hey!
No more running to 7-Eleven for bags of ice, America!
We got all we need!
(laughing)
(coughs)
I mean, this is nice,
but incredible waste of advertising space.
We'll take care of that.
(billboard humming)
And I'm bringing you
the latest weather report for Greenland.
I will give the report in the Greenlandic language.
Let's face it, how hard could it be?
(laughing)