Have you ever just been petrified to get in front of people, especially when it
comes to public speaking? You know it's the number one fear. Well you're not
alone and you're in the right place today because we're going to teach you
how to move past that and into your greatness.
Hey, Marianne DeNovellis here and today, let's talk about public speaking. Public
speaking is the number one fear in the entire world and I've been all over the
world, I've traveled to Kenya, I've been to South Africa, Bali, Peru, all over the
place, I've seen a lot of people and you know what? Based on my experience, it's
pretty true, I've seen even people who are defending their homes from lion
attacks and they are more afraid to stand up and speak in public than they
are to go protect their herd from a lion, it makes no sense when you really think
about it but that's what the experience is. The top fear, public speaking, second,
dying, third one, spiders. Who knew, right? So let's talk about, give this all of
this out of the way, let's get down to the nitty gritty on public speaking.
Now public speaking is the number one fear but why? Why is it the number one fear?
What are we really afraid of? Think about it, in fact, grab out a piece of paper,
grab a pen or a pencil, I don't care for the glitter gel pen or a Sharpie from
your bucket, I want you to write down all of the things that come up for you when
you have this fear of public speaking, I guarantee they're going to find some
things that sound like this, "What if I mess up? What if they don't like it? What
if I forget my lines? You've seen the YouTube videos of the people freaking
out cause they forgot what they were going to say. What if they don't think my message
is valuable enough? What if they don't ask me to come back?" All of these what if's
are going through your mind and it's not helping you, guys. I can promise you,
they're just getting in your way. Make a list of all of these fears, pause the
video if you have to and write them all down.
You got your fears? You got them all written down? Good. Now I'm going to invite
you to do something, yes, try this at home but please do it safely, don't get me
into any trouble. Go outside to your barbecue in the back, take that sheet of
paper and light it up, those fears have no place in your mind and your heart and
your body, anywhere else, if you want to be a public speaker,
you've got to get pass them. Now if I were to write a list of
the number one fears of public speaking, here's what I would put on the top of
that list that could possibly envelop all of the rest of the things on that
list. Number one, rejection. And rejection can show up in so many forms, it could
look like, people don't like my message, it could look like they don't want me
back, it could look like the audience's deadpan, it could be they don't like me,
it could show up in anyway. Rejection is totally possible and you
know what? I have a secret for you.. It's going to happen. People will reject you, in
fact, you kind of want them to. No, wait, what? Why would I want people to reject
me? That's weird, that's not okay with me, that takes a hit on my self-esteem, who
wants that? Here's the thing, if you want everyone in your audience to agree with
everything that you say, then you've got nothing worth talking about, you are
going to polarize people and the key is, how do we do it correctly and how do we
do it in a way that serves us and how do we do it in a way that serves our
audience. In order to be a public speaker, you've got to have something worth
saying and if you have something worth saying, I promise you, it's going to rub some
people the wrong way. You got to get used to rejection and people saying no
because they are at choice, they're going to no matter what you say, especially if
you take a stand for something. Rejection will happen, I can promise you, you get
to learn to be okay with it. I'll never forget speaking on stage during one of
my monthly events over at Limitless and I had people, you know, that came up to me
and said, "I have a question about what you're saying, it really doesn't make
sense." I had one or two of those and most people that had a beef with what I was
saying, they really didn't happen that often and they really didn't come and
talk to me a lot, although one and two were brave enough to do so but you know
what I heard more often than that? "Marianne, thank you for sharing your
message. Marianne, thank you for getting up and taking a stand. Marianne, thank you
for being so willing to be vulnerable." I would get private messages, I would get
person-to-person feedback, I would get all sorts of feedback that said I'm
catching the right people and the people that aren't the right
people, they get to feel that and they have to think that and they get to have
that choice and I am so grateful for it because I am not on this planet to force
anyone to think, feel or be anything. I cannot make a choice for anybody, I can't
pretend that I know what's best for another person on this planet so guess
what? If that's true then some people will say no to what I have to offer and
that's okay. First step to overcoming the fear of public speaking is being okay
with rejection. The second thing that gets in people's way after rejection is
nervousness. I'm talking your classic stage fright here, the feeling of
butterflies that you get right before you take the stage that could make or
break your presentation. Now how could having butterflies make your
presentation? Let's back up the truck here and take a look exactly at
what we're dealing with, okay. When you have nervousness, there's some chemical
weirdness that's going on in your brain that shows up in your body. Did you know
that nervousness based in fear and nervousness based in excitement are
actually the very same thing in the brain? Think about it this way, if you've
ever been on a roller coaster ride, one of my favorite things to do, in fact, I
was with my daughter in Disneyland earlier this year and we went on the
California screamer which is the big white roller coaster that does all sorts
of twists and turns and loop-de-loops and takes you upside down and just goes
nuts and the dark tunnels and the bright lights and talk about stimulus overload,
right? It is the massive massive roller coaster and I gotta be honest, maybe it
was a scary one because not a lot of people who are in line for it that day,
in fact, we rode that thing six times in a row and before we got on, I was
standing next to my six-year-old daughter and she was feeling it, she was
nervous, she was just barely tall enough to get on the ride itself
and when she got buckled in, I could feel her next to me, I couldn't see her
because of all the safety equipment that was in the way but I could feel her
moving around and fidgeting in her seat and I could almost feel the smile on her
face as she was excited. When we got up to that
roller coaster and it started, you get in line ,you get in the roller-coaster, you strap
yourself in, all of the engineers come by and make sure that you're not going
anywhere and then the roller-coaster starts and
it starts off pretty slow, it's just taking you to the starting point which
is right in the middle of this big pond and this countdown happens, you feel it,
the same thing that you feel right before you go on stage, the time when the
moment comes down to the wire, that 3, 2, 1, BAM and then you're off and you shoot
all the way to the top of the roller-coaster and you feel all the end
all the rides and the twist and the turns and the g-forces are pulling at
your body but right before that roller coaster launches and that countdown
that's going on, that's when all of the nerves start to happen. Now we were in
the front of the roller coaster which means we had the pilots of you to everything
that happened on that ride but do you know what? I heard behind me, from all the
people on that ride, as we approached that starting line altogether, I heard
screams, I heard laughs and we hadn't even got
anywhere yet, nothing had happened yet in our world for those screams and things, I
mean, the car ride to Disneyland was more exciting than the ride to the starting
line but yet, there was all of that emotion and energy just bottled up, some
people were screaming out of sheer terror and you can bet when we did those
loop-de-loops, you heard those screams all over again
and some people were excited and laughing and screaming out of sheer
excitement and delight and when we got to those loop-de-loops, you were the same
kind of screams over and over again. Now I'm looking at my daughter or more
feeling her next to me and I can feel her shaking and as I go on that
roller coaster, we go through that ride, we go through the loop de loops, the
twists, the turns, the upside down, all of the excitement and everything we had
anticipated came to an end when the roller coaster stopped, we got up, lifted
the safety harness off and the first thing I did was I looked over at my
daughter because I wasn't sure if she was loving or hating it and I looked
over at her and she had her hair all in her face, her glasses were sideways and
she had the biggest grin on her face, this little sweet sick
year old girl and the first thing out of her mouth was, "Let's do that again."
Crazy, right? None of my other kids would even touch the thing but she loved it.
Excitement and fear are the exact same thing so when you're about to take the
stage and you feel that nervousness boiling up inside of you, think of it
like this, I can either choose to be excited and joyful or I can choose to be
scared and nervous. Nervousness is a very fascinating thing. Let's talk about
nervousness itself for a moment. If you've ever had a two liter bottle full
of soda, imagine taking that bottle and shaking it up and in fact, let's go all
simpsons style and put it in a paint shaker, right, they created some kind of
atomic bomb with that thing. You put the bottle in the paint shaker and you're
shaking it to the max, you've got all of this carbonation, imagine that being
nervousness and you're the bottle and everything around inside of you is being
put to the max pressure. How does nervousness show up in your
body? Sweaty palms, you got the shakes, you got the mind that's just reeling and
going a thousand miles an hour in a thousand different directions all at the
same time, all of that is coming up inside of you.
Nervousness is just a containment of energy. When you allow yourself to open
the top and let everything flow out of you, all the pressure is gone, all of the
containment has been released and your energy, your words and your actions,
thoughts, and desires can just be in free flow in front of you. So if you're ever
nervous to go on stage because you're speaking in public, just remember, be in
flow, allow your message to flow through you, give the audience everything that
you've got, empty your cup, empty your bottle, empty whatever you think this
vessel is and give it all you got because once you do, you're free to
receive more, you're free to receive inspiration, you're free to receive
intuition and you just leveled up your game big time. The last key to being a
public speaker and this is something I share with my highest level students,
speak to the one. If you ever think you're speaking to an audience,
I don't care if your front of two people or 20,000 people,
you're never speaking to an audience and to think that you are, you're just
fooling yourself, you're just disconnecting from the
people. You're always speaking to one, just one person, that's all you're
speaking to and you've spoken to a person before, I'm pretty darn sure of it,
I'm pretty sure that's a safe assumption to make. You've spoken to one person in
your life before, now I'm going to invite you to speak to one person again.
If there's 20,000 people, it's 20,001, if there's 50 people, it's 50 of the one.
Speak to a single person. When you're speaking on stage, create eye contact
with this person. Speak to the person who you know came to hear your message, even
right before you go on stage, ask yourself this question, who is the one
person that needs my message today? Ask for help, ask for helping and reminded
from others, say, "What can I do to find and connect with the one person?" and your
brain will immediately find an answer for you. Never speak to an audience,
always speak to the one. Get rid of your fears, be in flow, overcome your
nervousness and always speak to the one and if you combine those three elements
together, you are guaranteed the perfect presentation. Now that you've got a
mastery of public speaking, you know what it takes to overcome any nervousness and
totally how to be chilling in flow, I want you to come play with us in one of
our next events. Click on the link below, hit the subscribe button, jingle bell
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come into play. We'll see you tomorrow.