There is an alarming new sex trend on the rise called stealthing.
Stealthing is making news around the world.
It's when a man doesn't wear,
takes off or damages a condom during sex without consent.
People have been stealthing since the condom was created.
Can you explain why you do it?
It feels better when there's no condom on.
Immediately it goes through the head, STI, pregnancy.
What's held as a sex trend is actually a serious sexual offence.
If you don't consent to that, then it could be a rape.
In online forums, men discuss why they do it
and how they get away with it.
"I developed my own little tricks,
"making sure I shot my load deep inside the girl's unsuspecting..."
Um...
Have you guys ever heard of stealthing?
When you make them think that you're putting one on and then you don't.
Guys doing that is bullshit, that's stupid.
Like, they shouldn't do that.
I think it's disgusting.
How did it happen to you?
I remember saying to him I'm not doing it unless you have that.
And he lied to you, basically? Yeah. I'm shocked to meet
two victims of stealthing so quickly out on the street.
Condom removal. This is just as risky as it is obvious.
The problem with this method is running into
what I refer to as "checkers".
"Girls who want to inspect the condom
"after you've blown your load."
Best way to combat this is to put the condom back on
after you've removed it.
There's nothing stealthy about this, I've got to be honest.
Blogger Vix Meldrew was a victim of stealthing on a Tinder date.
I was on a first date, had a few drinks,
having a really nice time, you know, as it happens, one thing
leads to another, you invite the person back, everyone's got their
bedside cabinet where you store your vibrators and your condoms.
You sort of reach around it, like, "There you go, put that on, fella."
Started getting into it, started to think something's not right.
Then I felt the condom packet rustle under my leg.
I noticed it was still intact and the condom was still inside it.
And I kind of went, "Whoa, stop."
And, like, held up the condom and was, like,
"What the hell are you doing?"
And he obviously stopped and was, like, "Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry!"
And that kind of blase attitude.
By that moment I was, like, "No, mate, you can leave."
Did you see him attempting to open it or pretending to open it?
The telltale sign of the rustle and that kind of thing
and then you think, OK, fine.
So, he faked it, he pretended he was opening it? Yeah.
I didn't think about it again until a couple of months later
when somebody sent me a link and said, "Have you heard about this,
"Vix, it's a thing called stealthing?"
I thought, "Oh, hang on."
And that whole debate in your head of did that happen to me,
did he do that on purpose, was that an assault?
Explicit concern is me handing you a condom.
I've explicitly said to you, by doing that,
put that on and use protection.
By you then having sex with me without following
an explicit action I've given you, it then becomes nonconsensual.
Do you guys prefer sex with or without a condom?
Without. Without.
Without? OK. Without.
If you don't know the girl, I prefer to use with.
It's much better if you don't put it on. Ultimately, I'd have to agree.
If she doesn't want to do it without a condom,
you have to respect that. OK.
He put the condom on when...
before we had sex, and then he took it off.
But when I asked him, "Did you take it off?" he said no.
But, the next day, he's told me that I need to go, like,
get a morning after pill. And he even, like, drove me to the chemist.
He tricked me. But I just thought it's normal.
Why did you think it was normal? I don't know.
Cos I still put myself in that situation.
I still invited him to my house.
I still had sex with him so, therefore, it's kind of...
..not my fault but still my fault at the same time.
Even though he decided to remove that condom,
there's still a part of you that blames yourself?
Yeah, I should have been more aware.
I hate that you're blaming yourself. You're not to blame at all.
"Condom sabotage. This is probably the most common method,
"whether it's done intentionally or unintentionally."
It may take a few tries but eventually the condom will give
and you'll have an open road to eject your cum deep inside her.
I mean... Oh! That's broken.
I think it'll be hard to get away with doing what I just did.
I'm also now thinking can I actually have this courgette
because it's all lubed up.
So, what's the law around stealthing?
Sandra Paul is a solicitor who specialises in sexual crime.
If you have agreed to have sex with a condom...
..and that person removes the condom and makes it ineffective, then,
arguably, the person who's being penetrated doesn't give consent.
And the person doing the penetration doesn't have consent.
Under those circumstances, if you can prove it, yes,
it amounts to rape. Are you seeing a rise
in sort of stealth cases at the moment?
We're seeing a rise in people talking about it
but not actual cases being investigated and charged.
There is a significant evidential burden.
Also, the complainants in these cases don't necessarily see it
as rape because it doesn't feel as violent as what
we commonly think of as rape. And people are less likely to do that.
A third step in his sort of stealth guide,
you don't even need to use a condom.
Of course, you can always try the "What's wrong?
"I thought you knew it was off? You mean, you didn't feel it?
"I thought you knew." Which for me has had
a surprisingly high success rate.
I don't know, it just feels quite sad that he abuses that trust.
Loelle was stealthed a number of times within a relationship.
So, we'd just be in bed and then obviously he'd be in the mood for it
so, then, I would be, like, "No, you've got no condom so we can't."
He would be, like, "Oh, don't worry, I've brought some," or whatever.
He would act like he was putting one on so you'd think he was.
And then we would obviously have sex.
And then afterwards I would kind of notice that he didn't have
anything on. He didn't care that I knew.
He just minimised the whole situation anyway, so to me
I just thought this is someone that I love and that I'm with
so he's not going to hurt me so I just then let it go as well.
I didn't ever think it was serious and I just went
and sorted it out the next day so he probably just thought,
"Oh, it's fine, I can do it again." So, the responsibility
was always on you... Yeah, 100%. ..to sort yourself out,
get a morning after pill or be on the pill? Yeah.
When did you realise the sort of seriousness of what he was doing?
It was probably when I actually did find out that I was pregnant
and that's when I realised this is purely my fault
because I've let it happen so many times.
But it took something drastic like that to happen
for me to realise, OK, I need to take control of the situation
and stop letting that happen because that's the consequences of it.
Hi, it's Lydia. Today, we're going to talk about stealthing.
Lydia Dupra is an ex-escort fighting back against the stealthers,
with glow-in-the-dark. anti-stealthing condoms.
Why did you create anti-stealth, glow-in-the-dark condoms?
The biggest issue with stealthing is it's stealthing.
You can't tell if it's on or off.
So, if the condom is glowing in the dark,
and you're able to see its location,
whether it's on the side of the bed or across the room,
or actually on your partner, it will make the whole process
that much more easier to control from your end.
I also have another method to see if the condom is on.
By, A, avoiding sex from behind because you can't see,
and also you can stop and perform oral sex.
There is no man on this earth that is going to say
"No, please don't perform oral sex on me."
A lot of men don't even realise, hey, this is wrong.
They don't see beyond their own pleasure. It's passive rape.
It's incredible now that it has a name. It has a consequence.
The best thing to happen to stealthing
is to talk about it, to educate people.