- Trisha Paytas just opened up about
self-sabotage and going to therapy and all sorts of stuff,
and there's so, so, so much we can
take away from this video so let's chat about it.
(upbeat music)
What is up everybody?
This is Chris from The Rewired Soul
where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution,
and if you're new to my channel, my channel is all about
helping you improve your mental health.
Isn't that cool?
So make sure you subscribe and ring
that notification bell, baby!
But anyways, oh, my God, I never thought
in a million years that I would say this,
but I am so proud of Trisha Paytas.
Like I'm just not a fan of her content just in general,
but, you know, I just made a video
the other day about her and Jason Nash
and like all sorts of stuff, and like,
this to me, this video, is the best
video I've ever seen of hers, like, I cannot believe it.
I didn't know what I was getting into
but like, you know, I saw the topic
of her video about self-sabotage
and you know, why she keeps ruining her own relationships.
I'm like, "Okay, let's see."
Anyways, basically Trisha talks about
how, you know, she just talked to her therapist
and she uses BetterHelp online therapy,
this amazing, affordable online therapy app
that I am supported by as well,
So make sure that you go down in the comment
section and, if you can relate to
some of the topics that we talk
about in this video, like, give therapy a try,
and I don't care if it's through BetterHelp,
or a therapist in your area, or anything like that.
Trisha did a way better job marketing BetterHelp than I did,
but she talks about just the convenience factor of it.
Like, Philip DeFranco talks about it too.
Like, my girlfriend uses it and
you can call 'em, you can text 'em, you can
video chat with 'em and they're so readily available,
and they have a questionnaire that you fill
out so they link you up with the right therapist,
and they're all 100% licensed as well.
So, if you can relate to any of that stuff,
like make sure you check out the description below.
Go sign up for BetterHelp, it's very cheap,
they have a sliding scale and basically,
if you don't make that much money,
they don't charge you that much money,
and it's really cool like just give it a try.
Like, I'm so proud of Trisha for doing this.
Like, I don't know if I've seen
this kind of authenticity from her.
Whenever I've seen videos by her, I'm like,
(groans), she seems like she's kind of full of BS.
You know what I mean?
Like, there's this glow about her and
it's this glow that you get by working with a therapist,
and she did a great job in this video
talking about the benefit of working with a therapist,
'cause we all have people who we talk to, right,
friends or family, or whoever it is,
But like, with a therapist, you get this
completely objective point of view,
Like, they don't know you, they don't
know your significant other, they
don't know your family or anything,
It's just you two, right, because it's difficult
to turn to, you know, friends or family members,
especially if they're enablers and they
always take your side even when you screw up.
I've mentioned before, I keep people around in my life who
tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear,
and a lot of people do not have that
in their life when it comes to
friends, when it comes to family.
So a therapist, they aren't there
to knock you down, but they're there
to bring some things to your attention
that maybe nobody's telling you about
and you might not even realize it.
So, Trisha talks about how that's
one of the best aspects of therapy,
and she's talking to him and one
of the things that she mentions is
something that I called in the last video.
No props to me, but, when I made the video
about Trisha and Jason just a couple days ago,
I'll link it up in the description,
is like Jason mentioned a few times,
like, "We should go to therapy,
"we should go to therapy, we should go to therapy."
And I was saying, they both have
individual problems that they need to work on,
and then they should do couples therapy
and Trisha talked about that.
- We just, we need help, and, together, we're going to go.
They also offer couples counseling too.
So together, we're going to try and do this,
but we each, individually, had to work with a therapist,
I think first, or a counselor first, to kind
of know what we want and who we are
and what we're feeling before we can come together.
- Like they're both going to be working
on themselves and then they're going to do couples therapy.
Like that it is so, so, so huge!
That's one of the reasons I'm so happy for 'em.
Jason Nash actually just did a
video with Kati Morton, who is a therapist on YouTube,
one of the biggest mental health channels
and I need to check that out, but anyways,
so Trisha talks about self-sabotage, right,
and she talks about how, you know,
she doesn't want to get hurt.
Like, she's guarded, she's protected,
and what she'll do is, when she starts
to get too close to somebody, she will start
self-sabotaging as a way to force
them out of the relationship so,
that way, she doesn't get hurt,
and can you relate to this?
Cause I know that I can.
I've done this a million times in the past.
I've talked to my clients about
this at the treatment center I was working at.
This was, you know, part of self-seeking behavior.
We do things, like maybe we're a jerk to
the other person to force them out of the relationship
and we have to look inside and
look deeper and see why do we do this?
You know what I mean?
And Trisha got some clarity and
she's afraid of getting hurt so
she's trying to push people away and stuff,
but, you know part of this too
was is her therapist helped her get
to a point where she realized like,
in her life, like in her work life,
where she's a YouTuber, and, you know, a model,
and, you know, she's about to go on tour,
she's in control, right, and she
tries to bring that personality
of hers into the relationship,
and what she realizes, even though
I don't think her therapist said it
but I tell this to the clients
I work with, is it's very selfish
what she was doing to Jason, right?
She wasn't thinking about his situation.
What she is primarily thinking about is how it affects her,
and these are two different people
with two different scenarios.
One of the reasons my girlfriend and I work out so well
is because we're constantly looking
at each others' situation and trying
to, you know, make that thing work.
You know what I mean?
For example, I have a son, she doesn't,
you know, and things like that.
Like, but we're constantly working
around that kind of stuff and she respects what I
have going on in my life, I respect
what's going on in her life.
So this is a huge thing.
So, as far as self-sabotage goes,
like she brought up a very good point
about being afraid of being hurt
so she'll purposely start acting like certain ways
so you push the other person away,
and there's another video I can totally
make about this is, other people
self-sabotage more because, I don't know,
they're afraid of being cheated on
or afraid of these other things,
and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy
which is really interesting as well.
By the way, I don't know who Trisha's
therapist is but I love her.
I love Trisha's therapist, or did
she say she had a guy therapist?
I don't know, that's besides the point, doesn't matter,
but anyways, what her therapist talked
to her about too is how you can't
bring baggage from your last relationships
and put them on the new person.
Like yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
I cannot tell you, like, this is gonna
go into my broken picker playlist.
For those of you who didn't know,
I have an entire relationship playlist.
So I'ma put this video in there,
but like, so many people do this.
I know that I did this a lot.
I used to this a lot.
Like, one of my first or second relationships in my life,
back in high school, I was cheated on, I was hurt
in one of the most you can be hurt in
a relationship is when the other person cheats on you,
right, and that was in high school and I carried
that kind of hurt into the next relationship,
next relationship, next relationship,
and then you carry that with you and then
in the next relationship, more bad stuff happens,
so now you're carrying even more baggage,
you bring that into the next relationship,
now you're carrying even more,
you bring that into the next one.
So her therapist helped her talked about,
like do not punish him for things that your exes did.
Like, absolutely!
This is another way that people will
sabotage themselves is by keeping guarded,
keep being suspicious, and stuff like that
because of previous relationships.
That's why when I talk about relationships with you guys,
I keep telling you to be more mindful of who you're dating.
You know what I mean?
Especially if you're looking for someone to
fill the void in you, you lower your standards way too much.
You know what I mean?
So you are more likely to date the
person who might cheat on you or
talk to other men or women behind your back and stuff.
So like, Trisha, it was brought to Trisha's attention
that she had a lot of very irrational fears,
and this is a big deal!
Like, it's important for a therapist to
tell you which of your fears are
rational, which are irrational.
You know what I mean?
Especially for anybody who struggles with anxiety,
therapy can help you out a lot because, like,
anxiety is awesome because it keeps you safe, you know?
People with anxiety have a much longer life
than people who don't have anxiety.
I've talked about this in other videos,
but there's a point where it becomes irrational fears.
Like, for example, agoraphobia, where
people are afraid to go outside and things like that.
Social anxiety, a lot of that is
based around irrational fears.
So it's good to have an objective person
because, here's another example, a lot of us,
I made a video about this when I was talking about
James Charles, like, we get defensive, you know?
Like imagine your mom, or your dad, or your
boyfriend, or your girlfriend, or you friend
telling you that your fears are irrational, right?
Think about the defense that you get in, like,
"What, you're saying my fears are irrational?"
But Trisha mentioned how her therapist
helped validate her feelings and that really helped her out.
You know what I'm saying?
Because therapists, I'm actually in school right now
to become a counselor and there's certain ways
that, you know, we're trained to talk to people.
You know what I mean?
And not everybody is trained that way,
but anyways, the last thing I want to talk about is
this smile Trisha has, this clarity that she has,
you know, the things that she's going to work on,
that is all amazing but I really, really hope
she sticks with it for at least six months.
What I see a lot of people do is
they like talk to a therapist once,
or maybe if it's in recovery, they go to a meeting
once or whatever it is, and they think,
"Oh, okay, cool I'm done!
"All my problems are solved!
"I know enough, I know everything!"
Like no, it's an ongoing process.
Life is changing every single day, every single
hour, every single minute, life is changing.
So it's important to work with
a therapist for the long term
and really like see how you're improving
and what things that you still have,
because, at least by the end of six months,
and some people do it much longer than six months,
at least by the end of six months,
you've kind of narrowed the scope
of what you need to work on and you start
to see improvements and things like that.
So, I'm really happy for Trisha.
I'm excited to see how her and Jason's relationship
changes because you can really tell
when someone's actually working on themselves.
You know what I mean?
But, anyways, let's do this down in the comments below.
Are you somebody who has self-sabotaged in the past,
in relationships, or are you somebody who brings in
baggage from previous relationships into new ones?
Alright, let's have a discussion
down below in the comments, okay?
Also, and don't forget, if you can relate to anything
that I was talking about in this video,
go ahead and give BetterHelp online therapy a try.
The link is down in the description below.
I also always put it in my pinned comment.
It's cheap, it's affordable, and they will match
you up with a therapist who is right for you,
but that's all I got for you today.
So, if you like this video, please give it a thumbs up,
and if you're new here, make sure you subscribe
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because I make a ton of videos,
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go ahead and click or tap right there.
Alright, thanks so much for watching,
quit self-sabotaging, and I'll see you next time.