(soft music)
- [Narrator] Mr. Turner hands back tests and announces
Shawn is the only student that did poorly.
He tells Shawn he's worried he has no goals
or plans for college and when Shawn blows him off,
Mr Turner says Shawn only has a handful of people
in his life who care about him.
Shawn says he has plenty of friends who care.
His friends who care bail on this conversation
to go make out.
Mr Turner urges Shawn to think about his future.
Sherry, who looks like a hotter version of Shawn
if he owned a comb, was eaves dropping and tells Shawn
she has a hundred friends who care about her
and these hundred friends don't judge.
Shawn sees nothing weird about that super weird statement
and accepts Sherry's invite
to get a judgment free cup of coffee.
Presumably because he thinks it's code
for an old fashioned jerk job
or at least some over the sweater hand stuff.
Sherry brings Shawn to a creepy room full of strangers
that say his name in unison and line up to give him hugs.
She says this place is a "hangout"
where friends get together and talk about "stuff".
Sherry invites Shawn to be one of their friends.
He says he can always use more friends
but isn't sure about the hugging thing.
Sherry tells him Mr. Mack says a hug is a burst
of pure love.
Shawn says he's bursting with pure love.
Eyes still on the prize for that afternoon handie.
Sherry says Mr. Mack is a remarkable man
who changed her life.
Mr. Mack walks in, hugging all these teens
and asks Sherry if she's centered.
Mr. Mack gets Shawn a can of generic red cola.
Then says his name three times in a row.
- Well it just goes to show Shawn,
you can't always go with your first instincts Shawn,
you've got to give people a chance Shawn.
- [Narrator] Shawn looks around, and finally realizes
he's in the middle of a cult.
He politely declines but Mr. Mack says he's judging them
just like Shawn's teachers and family judge him.
Mr. Mack asks Shawn to get to know them
before making judgments.
Shawn says that seems fair.
And one hour later, I mean they couldn't even have Shawn
put on a different shirt to make it look like
more time has passed, Shawn is completely brainwashed.
He's hugging Corey, asking him if he's centered
and telling Corey he really likes Mr. Mack and the Center.
He's freaking Corey out, talking in riddles
and for the first time in their friendship
Corey asks Shawn about his spirituality.
He asks Shawn what he believes in, Shawn says,
he doesn't have the luxury of believing in a warm house
with a warm family like Corey.
Even though he's at that house
with that family every every fucking day.
And says he found something new to believe in,
a basement full of hugs and off brand cola.
And the heavily implied possibility
that he might get JO'ed by all three of these girls
if he plays his cards right.
Mr. Turner asks Shawn about the Center,
and instead of answering a single question
Shawn tells Mr. Turner he's judging.
Mr. Turner asks Shawn why he feels like he needs this place?
Shawn says it's because he felt incomplete.
Mr. Turner tries to relate to Shawn
but Shawn glosses over it with a fake smile
and hug that Mr. Turner promptly shuts down.
He tells Shawn the Center is filled with lost souls
and a clearly predatory creep and urges Shawn
not to let this place take away who he really is.
Shawn says he doesn't know who he really is.
Which checks out, because it only took a can of soda
and hearing his name three times
to get balls deep in the brainwash sauce.
Corey and Eric attempt to infiltrate the Center
to get Shawn back.
Eric says you'd have to be a weak minded fool
to fall for this place then instantly falls for the place
when a girl in a vest gives him a hug.
Shawn asks Corey what he's doing
and tells him to scram 'cause Corey has something
to believe in and Shawn doesn't.
Corey warns Shawn that once Mr. Mack gets ahold
of his mind he will have it for life.
Mr. Mack says Corey is overreacting and this place
isn't so bad, then hits the lights and has a weird, fake,
award ceremony to welcome their new lifetime member Shawn.
Corey snitches on Shawn and his parents decide
they're going to go get him but before they can leave
Shawn shows up with Eric.
He had to drag Eric out of there because Mr. Mack
though Eric was only in it for the "hugs".
Since you can't say "hand jobs" Friday night at 8:30 on ABC.
Shawn says he's going back because he's happy
and totally centered.
They all try to talk sense into him, saying they love him
and the Center is cuckoo, banana bread, cray cray.
And they're fine with him searching for something
to believe in but this Mr. Mack guy is bad news.
Corey's dad asked Shawn what he used to believe in
before this place, you know, yesterday
and Shawn says he doesn't know.
So Corey's dad follows up with this question,
that's a totally normal thing to ask your son's best friend,
- Did you believe in God?
- [Narrator] You can literally hear the crickets.
Feeny returns to say Mr. Turner has been Centered
in the middle of the god damn street
because he crashed his motorcycle.
The gang is waiting at the hospital when Shawn arrives
with his turtle neck dick hole.
Shawn says he couldn't face this alone,
ignoring that this family he's known his whole life
is right there with him.
Mr. Mack antagonizes Feeny and Corey's parents
to the point where Corey's dad says he would kill
to protect Shawn.
Feeny says Mr. Mack can't have Shawn and Mr. Mack says
that's up to Shawn and even if Shawn says no,
there are many more just like him.
But Shawn didn't hear that horrific
human trafficking comment because he's already
in Mr. Turner's hospital room.
Shawn is freaking out and says he needs Mr. Mack.
Corey stops him and gives him a hug, a real hug,
not like those knock off bootleg hugs
Shawn's been handing out left and right
like he took ecstasy at Bonnaroo.
They leave Shawn with Mr. Turner
and Shawn has a complete breakdown.
Shawn pleads with Mr. Turner to hang in there
then looks at this machine like he has any idea
what the fuck it means.
He finally appreciates Mr. Turner and the handful of people
who care about him.
Then calls out to God, because now he also believes in God.
He starts talking to God in the hospital room
and says Mr. Turner can't be done yelling at him yet.
Then Mr. Turner squeezes his hand because apparently
he's got a whole lot more yelling to do.
Only he doesn't
because we never see Mr. Turner ever again
for the rest of Boy Meets World
because he probably fucking killed himself.
So what did we learn today?
If a hot girl wants to buy you a cup of coffee
chances are she's trying to get you to join her cult.
But if it only takes a can of soda
and hearing your name three times to get brain washed
you're dumb as rocks and deserve whatever happens to you.
And appreciate the people who care about you
because they're only going to try to connect with you
and infiltrate cults for you and threaten to murder for you
for so long
and if you feel incomplete
in this confusing life, arbitrarily fill that whole
with a hasty belief in God after someone you care about
gets in a motor cycle accident.
An accident that probably happened
because they were so stressed out thinking about
how you're fucking up your life.
And the most important lesson,
you can always give yourself a hand job
and avoid a mess like this entirely.
See you next time on A Very Special Episode.
(soft music)
(whooshes and squeaks)