Hi Tripp. How can I build up my confidence of taking things to a sexual level with women?
I have a fear of doing so even I know it's what should be done. I think it stems from
fear of rejection, fear of being accused of being creepy, or harassment, especially as I have little
experience. I'll give a few examples. I went on four dates with a girl I found attractive
recently, and nothing intimate happened. She had a great time. But after four dates, said she really
enjoys spending time with me but she thinks more as friends. I said, I hope you find what you're
looking for in the end, but she knows where to find me if she changes her mind in the future.
In another example, I was out with a few friends, including a girl I knew as a mutual friend.
Throughout the night, she was very touchy and close to me, but I didn't know what to do
and I just felt anxious. In general, I have a lot of female friends and they love spending time with
me, but they just see me as a friend. Thanks, Sam. Yes, the typical friend-zone story. This literally
reminds me of one of my famous stories... do you guys have that? Do you guys have highlights like
famous stories from your past or only famous to you? It's like your own little inside joke.
It's like these moments, these memories that you remember and it's like one of your, I call it one
of your famous stories. It's like, oh yeah, that story. You don't remember everything that happened
in your past 10, 15, 20, 30, 40 years of life. But you have those highlights. One of my highlights
is... I actually ended up in high school, which blew my mind with one of the more attractive
girls. Yes, I had an opportunity. I was into her, and her friends they ended up telling me
that she liked me, and my mind was blown because I thought it was just a friend-zone situation.
And then she liked me and then we hung out a couple of times. I wouldn't call them dates,
you're in high school. And we hung out a couple times and I never went for the kiss.
And she wasn't prude either. She's already been with guys at this point. And I remember that
we had this moment where I could go for a kiss. And the next day she friend-zoned me.
And I know that sounds funny. I'm telling this story all the way from high school.
But women are women. Men are men. It's still all the same. It's still
relevant. And so what's happening with you Sam, is you're not taking these opportunities. I mean,
duh. We know this. You're saying that you think it stems from the fear of rejection,
from being accused of being creepy or harassment? Yeah, so that's where it's coming from. But let's
weigh what's going on here. Let me give you a new mindset. What's happening here is, you're in a lot
of pain, enough pain that you wrote this whole email to me, you're listening to podcasts. I'm
sure you're pretty annoyed. You're very bothered Sam, by the fact that you're not taking any action
here because of your fear. How much more fucking annoying is that? How much more annoying is that?
That you're going through this right now than you end up getting rejected? Because look what
happened. You got rejected. You fear rejection. But you're getting indirect rejected anyways.
That's right, you're getting indirect rejections. I call it an indirect rejection because it's not
that you're getting directly rejected, like you tried to do something and someone said no.
It's that before even anything happens the girls like he's in the friend-zone.
He's not being sexual with me. I don't see a man. I see weak, I see beta. He's in the friend-zone.
That's what she's doing. She's putting you in the friend-zone because that's how she feels about
you because you're not making that effort. You're not taking that chance. So I ask you
to step into your manhood to step into courage and to get to the point where you realize... man,
I'm already getting rejected, I gotta try here. Let's dive deeper because I know that that won't
be enough to change your mind. But it is something that does help, that whole mindset of the fact
that you're already getting rejected anyways. Let's talk about your fear. You said you think
this all stems from your fear of rejection, your fear of being accused of being creepy or
harassment. If you're going on a date with a girl, this is not harassment.
If you're going on a date with a girl, this is not creepy. If you're going on a date with a girl,
this is not inappropriate. And what I'm talking about is going for a kiss, at the very least.
And it sounds like you're not even doing that. The reason why I'm saying kiss and not taking
things sexual is because everything starts with a kiss. I can't imagine that you are going on these
dates with these women and you're kissing and they're still friend-zoning you. Maybe they are,
that can happen. But you got to just start with the kiss. After the kiss everything else
is easy. You just continue to progress forward and go through the physical escalation process.
And then you don't need to worry about harassment or being creepy, because all you got to do
is continue forward until she says no. That's it. We're not going to do anything,
we're not going to have sex without consent. You guys know that. I hope so.
But she's not going to try anything. You're going to have to make the move to go for a kiss,
you're going to be the one who's going to have to make the move to take the clothes off.
And to continue to get physical and get sexual with them. And as soon as she's
feeling uncomfortable, acting uncomfortable, and or saying, hey, no, let's not do this,
let's not go that far, or I'm not comfortable yet, you stop. Simple as that. Again, you're
not going to be creepy or harassing any woman that you're going on a date with that's known as a date
and then making a move. That's totally okay. That's totally fine to go for the kiss.
Or else you're just going to continue to get in the friend-zone. It took me many times to
learn this – many friend-zone mistakes to get to the point where I could finally and confidently
make a move knowing that hey, if I get rejected, I get rejected. And very little have I been
rejected. And I'm not saying that as "look at me, I'm awesome." It just, you're gonna end up,
she's gonna kiss you back. You're on a date. She's interested. She's on four dates with you.
She's on four dates with you so she's interested. Again, Sam I'm not trying to shame you, I'm trying
to motivate you. Trying to just kick your ass a little bit, get you into gear. You got to
make this happen. Stop being scared. I know that's the worst advice you can give someone by the way.
And I'll call myself out on it saying stop. It's not actually good advice.
Telling someone to stop is never good advice. You need to tell someone to start doing something.
It's like when someone is in a smoking habit and you say just stop smoking,
that doesn't do anything. You need to tell them to start doing something as a way to break the habit.
Here's my start for you. You're going to start going for a kiss at the end of the first date.
You're going to be scared, you're gonna have fear inside of you, you're going to be nervous,
but you got to just start making the move and going for it because you know that if you don't,
you're going to end up in the exact same place. That's why you're going to start doing it. And
then you say in your first question here, your first sentence, you say "How can I build up my
confidence of taking things to a sexual level with women?" The answer is you got to start
doing that. I'm sorry that that's the only answer that there is. But at the very least, the hardest
thing is going from nothing to a kiss. That's the hardest part. You need to start doing that.
And that way you'll become more confident. The only reason why you're not confident taking
things to a sexual level is because you're not trying Sam. So let's... get... this... going.