Hey guys, so at some point
you're going to choose the wrong woman
and then you're going to go through
a whole lot of pain and suffering
before you eventually break up.
Maybe you're already in that situation
either she'll cheat on you
or just leave you with your heart broken.
Or it'll get so bad
that you have to finally choose to walk away.
And because of that experience
you will hesitate
even when the right girl does show up.
The reality is none of us is perfect
we all have personality flaws
and none of us were taught
how to communicate and ask for
our needs to be met
in any effective way.
So, even if she is the most right person for you
sometimes you're going to disagree on things
and not be able to
communicate in a way that makes
either of you feel safe.
If you're interested in a relationship
you've got to accept that there's going to be
some disagreement and some conflict.
And if you've been hurt before
then you might cut and run too soon.
Let's look at how to know there are chances
and not walk away
when it could be the right person for you
so you can definitively
answer your question of
is she worth it?
Welcome to Just The Tip.
Is she worth it?
Well, my answer might surprise you.
Let's jump right in.
If you've watched my videos for a while
then you've heard me say many times
attraction isn't enough,
chemistry isn't enough,
connection isn't enough
for a long-term relationship.
Sure, those things are great
if you're just looking for a hookup
or maybe you're friends with benefits.
But if you're looking for long-term love
it's just not enough
and that's part of why
the divorce rate is so dang high.
Most people end up
finding someone they're attracted to
maybe they can have a conversation with
they feel connected to
and then they fall in love
without actually vetting for what really matters.
Now, don't get me wrong
wanting to bump nasties is definitely a good thing
and so is feeling comfortable around her
and feeling like she gets you.
But you also need compatible values,
beliefs, long-term goals
do you want kids, do you not want kids?
And some lifestyle along with
a little temperament
more on that in a minute.
Now, if all those things are in alignment
and you're still asking yourself
is she worth it
then it might be because
of one of three things.
One, your baggage not hers.
Okay now, this is the part
you're not going to love but it's tough love
because you need to hear it
and if it's not you then
you can eliminate this possibility.
But if you are the one with the baggage
and it's because of your baggage
that you are actually the one
sabotaging the relationship
then the question might not be
is she worth it
but are you ready?
Example, your last girlfriend
or person you were dating
girlfriend you were dating
left you for another guy
or cheated on you.
And as a result of that,
you're thinking that all women cheat
and you're paranoid about that.
So, you look for evidence of that outcome
maybe your last cheating hoe girlfriend
used a girlfriend one of her girlfriends
as a scapegoat and said
that she was over at a girlfriend's
or out with her girlfriend when really
she was out hoeing with Chad.
And yes, that sucks
but it also sucks
if you are constantly expecting her to cheat
and acting as if she is cheating
even when she really hasn't given you any signs.
This is your new girlfriend
or a new girl you're dating
maybe you're questioning
her whereabouts all the time.
Maybe you're being way over attentive
just to keep tabs on her all the time.
Meanwhile she knows why you're paranoid
and she's trying to accommodate
your insecurities around this issue.
Maybe she sends you photos of
her and her girlfriends out together
or sends you pictures of
the situation or the event she's at
to try and make you feel safe
with her being out alone with her friends.
But that's not good enough for you
because you feel insecure and paranoid
because you think all women are going to cheat.
So, you act passive aggressive
or you pout or you make it such that
you're punishing her in some emotional way
for going out with her friends.
It's healthy for a couple to have friends that
are their own
it's healthy for couples to
do things separately.
Gives you a chance to miss each other
and to come back to each other with
interesting conversation.
If you can't do that you're going to become
codependent instead of interdependent.
And pretty soon if your insecurities, your baggage
are getting in the way of your relationship
with a healthy woman
an emotionally healthy woman
then she's going to start to feel resentful
and smothered.
And again, when she tries to talk to you about it
you get pissy pouty or passive aggressive
she finally tells you
that if something doesn't change
the relationship isn't going to make it.
Is she worth it?
From what we know so far
yes, she's worth it
but you might not be ready
you might need to work on yourself.
And I've got a solution for that coming up
but what if it's the other way around?
Number two, it's her baggage not yours.
As mentioned before
none of us is perfect
and we weren't taught how to "do relationships."
But let's say her baggage
is interfering in the relationship.
Is she worth it?
Again, if you've got compatible
values, beliefs, goals
some lifestyle, and temperament
more on that coming up
then you've got the foundation
for a potentially long-term
happy satisfying relationship.
But if her baggage is sabotaging the relationship
how to know if there are chances
and when to walk away
rest in this.
If she is actively
working on fixing her issues
dealing with her baggage
not running away from it
and she's playing as a teammate.
She's asking you for help
for how she can fix her issues
or at least not blaming you for her issues
and key point
and she's making noticeable progress
making progress that you can see
that is meaningful to you.
Progress that actually gives you
legitimate valid hope
then she might be worth it.
Let's look at the same examples before,
but let's say she was cheated on
by a boyfriend in the past.
Whenever you go out with your friends
she texts you a dozen times
and is always wondering about your whereabouts.
But because you are emotionally healthy
and your baggage isn't getting in the way
of the situation
then you reassure her
because you know why she's paranoid
and you try to talk to her about it.
You don't walk right away,
you talk right away.
In fact, you use the love samwich approach
that I explain in my
how to handle an angry woman video.
I'll put a link at the end.
Now, yes, she has some baggage
but she... Let's say she overreacts
or acts out in some way
but she apologizes,
she tries to change her behavior,
she asks for help in
how to change her behavior.
Maybe she sees a counselor
and together, you find some way
to try to help her feel more secure.
Because really for whoever it is
that is feeling insecure about
a certain thing in a situation
it's only going to resolve itself
with working on yourself if you have the issue
and time with the other person
time equals proof.
Maybe you even make some concessions
like you agree to
text her first thing the next morning
or go over to her place at the end of
your evening with your guy friends.
Little things to make her feel safe
are not simping.
You're still going out
with your guy friends on your own
you're not conceding to not go going out.
That would be a sacrifice
that's not worth making.
But compromise is required in relationships
and because this doesn't
get fixed overnight
because it didn't happen overnight
maybe she still acts a little uneasy about it
but she feels a little bit safer with every
time and proof that you provide for her
that's reasonable.
Is she worth it?
If she can show this kind of
consistent effort with progress,
she might be worth it, continue on.
Which brings us to the third way to know
that there are chances and
not walk away.
Three, you're both team mates.
You're on each other's team
this isn't you against her or her against you
this is you in it together to win it.
As we've established none of us is perfect
we all have flaws,
none of us were taught how to do relationships.
So, if you have someone
who is willing to work with you
to "do relationships better"
even though you're going to stumble along the way
she might be worth it.
You have to both have an attitude
that it's you two against the world's tribulations
you've got each other's backs
and this doesn't mean agreeing on everything.
In fact, sometimes the kindest thing
she can do for you is challenge you
on your self-limiting beliefs.
And there are actually some other signs
that she's a true keeper
based on her actions.
I'll tell you more about that in a minute
but first remember that being good for each other
isn't always going to feel good.
If you want to have a long-term happy relationship
some of that is going to be
uncomfortable positive growth.
Life begins outside your comfort zone
but what do you do if it's your baggage
that keeps coming up
and you're fighting all the time
over every little thing?
Your values, beliefs, goals,
lifestyle, and temperament more on that
are in alignment but you just can't
seem to get it together
then you might need to talk
to a professional therapist.
There is no shame in this
we weren't taught how to do relationships.
If you think that's where you're at
then I will put a link to
an online therapy company I recommend.
And if your values, beliefs, long-term goals,
and lifestyle are in alignment
but you're still fighting, it might be
your temperament differences.
To find out if you have opposite
temperamental differences
that you can maybe get past
then you want to watch my video on
is your relationship doomed.
And as mentioned,
if you want to know for sure she's a keeper
based on her actions then you want to watch
my video she's a keeper if.
Thanks for being here, God bless.
(Music)