-You know, I'm 43 years old, I'm married, I have a kid.
But nothing makes me feel older than when I don't know
the new slang terms teenagers are using,
and it seems like, these days, teen slang terms
are evolving so fast that sometimes it's hard to keep up.
So we decided to give you a little primer
on new teen slang terms in a segment we call
"Seth Explains Teen Slang."
[ Cheers and applause ]
Our first new teen slang term is blazey eye.
It means "When you're so high,
one of your eyes is looking in the other direction."
For example, "Mike smoked two whole bowls,
and he's got blazey eye so bad,
I can't tell if he's staring at me or his own nose."
[ Laughter ]
Next up, we have pubstitute.
Let's see what it means.
"A substitute teacher whose breath smells like alcohol."
[ Laughter ]
Here it is in a sentence -- "We had a sub for algebra today,
and when that pubstitute asked me to solve a proof,
I just said, 'I'm guessing 80?'"
[ Laughter ]
Our next teen slang term is inspired by "Game of Thrones."
It's the Night's Watch.
The term refers to the guys at at a school dance
who stand by the wall the whole time."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Here it is in a sentence --
"I don't have a date for homecoming,
so I think I'm gonna skip it or I'll end in the Night's Watch,
#VowOfCelibacy."
[ Laughter ]
Next up, it's khaki sack.
This is when your friend wears khakis to school
so you all take turns kicking him in the balls.
[ Laughter ]
For example, "Accidently missed 5th period
because we were in the quad playing an extra long game
of khaki sack with Preppy Steve, #HeProbablyCan'tHaveKids."
[ Laughter ]
Our next teen slang term is wanktuary.
It means, "The one place in a house where you can masturbate
without someone walking in on you."
Here it is in a sentence -- "The guest-room closet
was my refuge, my shelter --
indeed, the only true haven I had --
until that fateful day when my father went looking
for his tennis racket, and, alas, my wanktuary was no more."
[ Laughter ]
Next up, we have "deodoraunt."
Here's the definition.
"Deodorant you put on to get rid of the weird smell
at your aunt's house."
Let's hear it in a sentence.
Spent a weekend at my Aunt Judith's,
and when I got back, I needed four Speed Sticks
to mask the smell of raisins, broccoli, and old carpet,
#Deodoraunt."
Moving on, this slang term is really specific
to kids in the chess club.
This is very specific to kids in the chess club.
It's "rook shook."
Let's see the definition.
"When you are shocked by something that happens
in a game of chess."
For example, "Mason was lulled into comfort
by Tyler's standard Sicilian Defense opening,
but he lost his Queen in a Smith-Mora Gambit.
Boy was left rook shook."
[ Laughter ]
Up next, you've heard the term dad bod.
Well, this is God bod.
It's someone whose body resembles God's.
For example, "Saw Tim at the beach and his long white beard,
luxurious white hair, and flowing white robes
really made his bod look heavenly,
#GodBod, #AndItWasGood."
[ Laughter and applause ]
This next one's really blowing up with the teens.
It's Sprite Club.
This is a safe place where teens who can't handle caffeine
can just sit and drink Sprite.
[ Laughter ]
Let's see it in a sentence --
"The first rule of Sprite Club is no Sierra Mist!"
[ Laughter ]
Next up, it's Wile E. Cyrus.
This is that girl in choir
who always has a new gadget from ACME.
[ Laughter ]
For exa-- [ Laughs ]
It's very helpful, 'cause before,
you didn't have a slang term for this.
For example, "Beth's 'Ave Maria' solo was going great
until she suddenly powered up her pair of ACME rocket skates,
flew through the air, and crashed into
a fake tunnel someone painted onto the brick wall,
#WileECyrus, #MeepMeep."
[ Laughter ]
And, finally, most of you have probably heard
of pre-gaming before a fun party.
Well, last term is "pre-laming."
Let's see the definition.
"When you drink before something you know is gonna suck
to make it tolerable."
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
For example, "Ben and I are pre-laming before Josh's party
because we're pretty sure it's gonna be a total Sprite Club."
[ Laughter ]
This has been "Seth Explains Teen Slang."