The
Legendary
Black Beast of Aargh Resided in the fairly unassuming and out of the way caves of Caerbannog
and by all accounts was a tremendously nasty, invulnerable monster that mysteriously arrived
one day, and just as mysteriously vanished without a trace many decades later,
descriptions of it have never been very dependable, since by all accounts,
everyone who went into the cave got horribly murdered and eaten by it. The Beast was so lethal,
everything that got too close to the cave was in serious peril, with almost any creature other
than simple shrubs, grasses, moss and lichen eventually meeting a grim and sudden end.
It took many years and countless deaths for a creature somehow hardy and fierce enough to
survive in such an environment, with the sheer attrition of countless numbers which died before
having offspring of their own, each one a bit more adapted to the danger. Only one species proved
capable of doing this... a formerly domesticated breed of extremely fertile, fast-moving, highly
agile mammal creatures called... Bunny Rabbits. Do not be lulled into a false sense of security
by the warm, creamy white and fluffy coat of fur encasing this creature, or the large,
delightfully pink-hued eyes, the oversized paws and tiny little nose that twitches as it detects
the scents around it, nor the large and sometimes floppy ears that sweep back from its rounded head.
Do not think for a moment that the diminutive size of such a creature makes it any less of a threat,
as I tell you now, it merely makes the thing almost impossible to hit.
The Vorpal bunny dwells at the entrance of the Caves of Caerbannog in a series of
tight warrens dug extensively into the hillside with many exit and entry points, switchbacks and
chambers quite literally packed with bones. It is slightly larger than a normal rabbit,
but only when viewed from a distance does it seem completely normal. But as one gets closer to it,
some disturbing deviations from the norm become more and more obvious.
The Killer Rabbit has very powerful legs and jaw muscles, the jaw can freely dislocate to
widen the bite of the rabbit to latch onto a target as thick as an arm, leg or a human neck,
with a bite force sufficient to sever the head of a grown man in mere seconds.
Cautious examination of the cave entrance before one approaches too close with reveal bones strewn
about all over the place, including a lot of broken skulls located some short
distance from the body they were once attached to. The Vorpal rabbit is a masterful ambush predator,
using it's own deceptive appearance as bait, so among the piles of bones are quite a few bear,
wolf and hawk bones, quite a few badgers and other predators who
assumed they were in a for an easy meal. The one bit of good news is that the Vorpal
rabbit is still a fairly tiny creature and it's much better at dishing out extreme violence than
it is at receiving it, one solid strike with a decent weapon and it will be either dead or
mortally wounded; the trick is being fast and sure enough to actually hit the little
monster before it latches onto a limb or neck and snaps those razor fanged jaws shut. So, whatever
method you are using to determine who makes the first attack in a combat situation, you better
hope the rabbit doesn't get to attack first. Killer rabbit is a well-known trope in media
thanks to the film by 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' made in 1975; Wikipedia tells us
that Killer rabbits are a medieval literary tradition, going back at least to the 1170s,
with illuminations in which the rabbits seek justice against the hunters. The idea for the
rabbit in the movie was taken from the façade of the cathedral of Notre Dame de Paris. This
illustrates the weakness of cowardice by showing a knight fleeing from a rabbit. In one manuscript
from the 1340's, there is a sort of comic strip in the page margins where we see how a group of
giant beefy rabbits get their gruesome revenge on a hunter. First, a rabbit archer shoots the
hunter in the back, then the rabbits tie him up and haul him before a rabbit judge to be tried.
After a guilty verdict is delivered, the ruthless rabbits drag the hunter away and behead him.
However, the rabbits then go on to shoot down the hunter's hound, tie it up,
put it on trial and then hang it. Vengeance on the hunters, fighting pretty much anybody,
baking pies made out of human (presumably) rabbits and sometimes snails decorating page edges in old
books and showing up in odd places on building walls tell us that, life was not all drudge,
illness, toil and violence in the middle ages, because these things are quite funny.
Rabbits are not rodents, prior to 1912 they were called rodents but these days they belong to the
Lagomorphs and include 42 species of Rabbit, 34 species of Pika and 33 species of Hare,
the Rabbits and Hares evolved in relative isolation back in the Paleocene when India
was island continent for a while, then exploded out to populate the world with a lot more species
than there are now, perhaps they have settled down a bit, but I imagine the diversity will
decline further in wild rabbits and increase in the domesticated breeds going forward. Rabbits
differ from rodents in that they have four incisor teeth and only eat plants, while rodents have two
incisors and do eat meat as well as plants, also rabbits have fur on the bottom of their
feet and the females are larger than the males, which is unusual in mammal species. Many Rabbit
species breed more than once a year and produce large litters of offspring which are called Kits,
the rabbit mothers produce unusually rich milk, in some cases just a single feeding in a day is all
the kits need to grow rapidly and they are weaned off the milk in about a month. Not all Rabbits
have burrows, some just make a sort of nest, dug in a concealed spot called a Form, Hares typically
live above ground and their offspring gestate much longer and are born with fur, already able
to move around, living mostly solitary lives but do tend to travel around in small groups,
while Rabbits and Pikas are gregarious and live in social colonies with their kits being born
less developed and quite helpless, needing to be cared for, so you can imagine if left to nature,
eventually Hares could evolve to replace all the large grazing animals and Rabbits could evolve to
be intelligent social animals like humans. Hey you never know.
Rabbit themed humanoids are nothing particularly new to Roleplaying games,
while I have yet to see a really cool rabbit lycanthrope or Wererabbit, I am sure they exist
somewhere in the hobby and they are easy enough to home brew using whatever rules system you
prefer. They are fast, they can jump and they have very sensitive sight, smell and hearing.
My name is AJ Pickett, I will be bringing you the next Derailed fantasy adventure shortly,
there will certainly be rabbits involved in most unexpected ways, in the meantime,
thanks for listening and as always, I will be back with more for you very soon.