You're gonna be a beautiful bride, Topanga.
Thanks, Mom. I just want everything to be so perfect for Cory.
I love him so much.
This whole day is just full of love!
I hate him!
He's a self-centered, whining, demanding, miserable little white boy.
What happened, my brother?
"Get the tuxedos, pumice my toes,
"tie the cans to the car!"
I'm his best man, not his hamster!
But you got the tuxes, right?
You two deserve each other.
Um, Shawn, what is really bothering you?
Cory is really bothering me!
I don't know what I ever saw in him.
Shawn... (LAUGHS)
See, this is my wedding day,
and I would really appreciate it if there wasn't any tension.
I don't care. If somebody abuses me, I lash out.
Nobody is abusing anybody!
This is my wedding day. How dare you?
Ah. Could somebody help me out here, please?
No, see, the best man cannot hate the groom.
No, you're gonna ruin my wedding pictures.
Honey, you're killing him.
Dad! I'm comin', Dad!
Topanga, if he dies, then the best man is Eric.
Then we don't want him to die. No. No, we don't.
(GASPING) You okay? Okay. Good boy.
They're both psycho.
How can there be anything wrong between you and Cory?
You love him more than I do.
It's true, but I'm okay with it.
What's goin' on?
Our entire friendship has always been about him.
How does Cory feel? What is Cory thinking?
Come on, Shawn, what's this really about?
You know...
You think on his wedding day he'd realize how hard this is for me.
and you're going to stay best friends.
Are we? What?
Because where is my best friend with the tuxedos?
Why is my best friend trying to sabotage my wedding day?
Now I'm sabotaging your wedding day?
Where are the tuxedos? I don't have them yet.
What do you mean, you don't have them yet?
I've been outside tying tin cans to the Volvo for the last hour.
My fingers are bleeding.
We don't have a Volvo. What?
We don't have a Volvo. We have a Chevy.
Well, who has a Volvo?
Who's been tying cans to my car?
He did.
This is too much pressure.
Shawn, what's the matter, buddy? I mean, you're really letting me down here.
Cory, has it occurred to you even a little bit that,
as far as you and me go, today is the last day that we're ever gonna be
"Cory and Shawn"?
You know? "Shawn and Cory"?
Beans? You picked beans?
What's the matter with beans?
Beans are not a wedding can! Why not?
Because beans do not say "eternal love and happiness!"
I know what they say!
Cory, I'm tryin' to talk to you about something.
I don't wanna talk about it now. Why not?
Did you pick up the honeymoon tickets from the travel agent?
What's the matter with you?
Hey, hey! Guys! No, no, no. Dad, please!
I just want a guy
who can pick up the tuxedos and tie some cans together.
I just wanna talk to you about this.
Shawn! I just want a competent best man!
Then get a new one!
What did you say? I said, get a new best man!
(EXCLAIMS)
Cory, what I think we've got here
is a best man who's folded under the pressure.
Don't worry about it.
I'll pick up the tuxedos. I'll tie the cans to the Subaru.
It's all taken care of.
You can be an usher.
I don't wanna be an usher.
What, do you wanna walk my Nana Boo Boo down the aisle?
I don't wanna walk Nana Boo Boo anywhere.
What do you wanna do, Shawn?
I don't wanna do anything.
You don't wanna do anything at my wedding?
No, I'm not going to your wedding!
Fine! Then don't go!
after I get married?
No. Nothing is gonna change.
Just because you're moving out, and you're setting up house,
and you're gonna be with Cory all the time,
and maybe have kids someday...
Gosh, I am never gonna see you again, am I?
Ohh. Ohh.
Do you want me to call it off?
I want you to be happy.
I want you to be happy, too.
I want you to be happy three!
You're getting married today!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)
You are very hot.
(WHISPERS) Thanks.