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Yo, obviously everyone assumes that just because we're on TV,
we got it all figured out.
That's not-- that's not true at all.
Even the Bodega Boys need guidance sometimes.
Sometimes.
Very rarely, but sometimes.
So we sat down with someone to help us get our shit together.
Mm-hmm.
Someone who loves giving advice-- comedy
superstar Amy Poehler.
That's right.
She had nothing better to do and she sat it
down and chopped it up with us.
That's right.
And she had uptowns on.
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ANNOUNCER: Dr. Amy.
[APPLAUSE]
Here with our good friend Amy.
MERO: Yes. - Hello.
MERO: Poehler. - Amy Poehler.
You know what I'm saying?
Well, most people know who she is.
You never know.
Somebody could've been like, who is that, Amy Sedaris?
Is that-- - That's right.
--Amy Adams?
And a lot people didn't know you were
also a part-time therapist.
That's right, yeah.
I'm not licensed in any way and I don't have great instincts,
but I'd love to help you guys out.
What's the patient confidentiality agreement here?
Oh, it's just, if there's something embarrassing,
just whisper it.
OK
But I can sue you if at any point,
I feel like you didn't take my advice.
- Gotcha. - Oh.
Don't worry about that.
Just be--
Transparent?
- Be here now. - Transparent.
Yeah.
So you guys have some questions you have for me?
You want some advice?
What's the best advice you could
give us about being successful?
Ah. Enjoy it.
Yeah?
AMY POEHLER: Let as many people know how successful you are.
You know like those guys that stand in front of car washes
and spin the board? - Two boards?
- I'm rich! - Like that?
And then I just spin it?
I mean, that-- that's up to you.
I'm a thera-- I can't tell you what to do.
- Oh, you just give strategies. - Yeah.
- Oh, gotcha. - Exactly.
Cognitive behavioral strategy are three words that I know.
DESUS: OK.
I enjoy playing violent video games.
My kids also enjoy it, but my wife does not enjoy
that we enjoy it together.
How do we fix that?
Two houses.
DESUS: That's good. - Perfect.
DESUS: That's good
Also, how do I get my daughter to stop calling her brothers
"stupid fucking assholes"?
Right.
She's two.
Well, you know how things sound better when you sing it?
Yeah.
Maybe she could sing it.
(SINGING) Stupid fucking assholes.
Yeah, it's cute, right?
I found that lately weed ain't hitting the same way.
Think about going to, like, a stronger drug.
Right, right.
Any recommendations?
Have you guys done helium?
Like a whole tank to the face?
I mean, everybody's different, but yes, a whole tank
to the face is a good start. - OK.
Yeah, just-- and it has to be at a kid's birthday party.
It's weird, but that's the only way it'll work.
Sometimes at night, I wake up and my hands are
wrapped around my own throat.
Do you think that's weird or is that like just
normal Hollywood stuff?
[EXHALES] It sounds like Hollywood stuff.
Somebody's afraid of success.
Wow.
Wow, this is a good therapist.
I-- I can't reiterate enough, I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm not a therapist.
OK.
I just want to kind of get into your minds, right?
I want to get behind the scenes.
So I want to show you guys a couple inkblots--
Mm-hmm?
- --and see what you see. - Mm-hmm.
OK.
There's no wrong answer.
OK.
That's a Furby with two dicks.
Very, very interesting.
That's the porn parody of "Monsters Inc."
Yeah.
AMY POEHLER: Very good.
Don't judge, just-- just say what you see.
Oh.
It looks like a sexy rotisserie
chicken that committed suicide by blowing its head off.
[LAUGHTER]
Mm-hmm.
On Adderall.
Interesting.
I could see that.
AMY POEHLER: OK.
Uh, alien titties.
Alien titties, yeah.
DESUS: Alien titties.
That's what it is, but what do you see?
Oh!
Like, in Disney World, Epcot Center,
that lake where they have all the different countries.
And this would be Germany, and that's where
my parents fought on vacation.
Cool.
[INAUDIBLE]
AMY POEHLER: I feel like the session is going great so far,
and again, I am not a therapist, so I wouldn't know.
But I'd love to ask you guys some advice.
Could we maybe switch?
[EXHALES]
Uh, whatever it is, let's, you know--
I don't want to rush you.
What does it mean, you know?
What is life?
Like, what-- what--
how do you do it?
How do you-- how do you do what?
How do you do life?
I feel like it would be--
Like, you know, you just get in and you get to jail
and you beat up the first nigga you see and you let
them know you're not a pussy.
MERO: You know what I'm saying?
You learn a little bit Spanish, you get in the door
and be like, yo, what the fuck?
Yo, I'm watching the novella.
Get the fuck out of here. - Exactly.
Yo, the TV's for the blacks. MERO: You know what I'm saying?
Fuck out of here. Y'all want to watch basketball?
Go over there.
I'm watching [SPANISH].
Wow, you guys have really helped me a lot.
Thank you.
See, this is just how you do life.
Yeah.
We're glad to be of service to you.
I mean, listen, this is what we do, you know what I mean?
We're the Bodega Boys, but we're also the benevolent boys.
DESUS: There you go. - [EXPLOSION SOUND]
MERO: Yeah.
AMY POEHLER: OK, let's get back into the right seats.
Thank you guys for coming in.
OK.
Our time is done.
That'll be $350 from each of you.
- Each. - How?
It was a joint session.
I-- I treat every patient separately.
And also, it was called a joint session.
There's no joints. MERO: Nothing.
DESUS: False advertising.
You get nothing, sir.
Good day.
Here's your notepad.
I'm taking your phone, too.
DESUS: Fuck out of here.
They're really-- they have a lot of work to do.
We'll get there.
Shout out to the [INAUDIBLE].
Yo.
Yo, Amy Poehler's new movie, "Wine Country,"
is on Netflix now.
Yeah.
Check it out, you know what I'm saying?
And shout to her coming through on the Air
Force Ones like [INAUDIBLE].
I respect it.
[INAUDIBLE]
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