♪♪
-Hey, y'all. It's "The Miley Cyrus Show"
with me, Miley Cyrus!
♪ I got guests ♪
♪ And a show ♪
♪ And I'm ready to go ♪
♪ So I guess that's pretty cool ♪
♪ It's pretty cool ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Shell-o!
It's Miley, y'all!
So, this is just like my show where I, like, talk to people
who are pretty cool and we'll, like, talk about things
that I think are pretty cool, and, yeah, it's pretty cool.
Heading up the Miley Cyrus band over here,
We got my dad, Billy Ray Cyrus.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You are so special, baby girl.
-Thanks, Dad.
Okay, so today, for my comedy monologue,
I thought I'd do one of my famous celebrity impressions.
So I'm gonna do an impression
and see if you can guess who it is.
Like, so I'm like the star of "Two and a Half Men,"
and I'm completely crazy,
and I've done a bunch of interviews lately
and stuff like that, and I'm Charlie Sheen, y'all!
[ Laughter ]
Okay. So that was me doing an impression of Charlie Sheen.
I thought it was pretty funny.
-[ Laughing ] Ohhhh.
I love your impressions, baby.
You're like a pretty little Darrell Hammond.
[ Laughter ]
-Whatever, dad.
So, my guest tonight is a lot like me,
by which I mean pretty cool.
Please welcome -- you guessed it --
Justin Bieber!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, Justin.
-So, Miley, it's a cool show.
-Really?
-Yeah, we'll see.
-Okay. So, Justin,
what have you been up to lately?
-You know, I'm just -- just chilling right now.
Wink. Cocky nod.
Point.
-Wow. Justin Bieber,
where do you get all of those cool moves?
-You know, I brought my swagger coach.
[ Laughter ]
Thanks, B-Bop.
-That's pretty cool.
Wait a minute. Justin Bieber, did you cut your hair?
-Yeah, you know, it's just a -- it's an image change.
I also do the middle finger now, so...
-So you're growing up. Like me doing salvia.
Did you know I smoked salvia?
-You know, well, there's no reason why you wouldn't.
Because it's totally legal, yo.
[ Laughter ]
-Now, Justin, I knew you were gonna be a big star
ever since we met way back in 2006.
We actually have a picture from that day.
Can we show it?
[ Laughter ]
[ Scattered applause ]
So that's pretty cool.
So, how do you like the show so far, Justin?
-It's okay.
-Would you say it's pretty cool?
-No, actually, I-I wouldn't say that.
[ Laughter ]
-Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
It's a Mexican standoff
if the Mexicans were tiny, talented geniuses.
-Mr. Cyrus. -Dad!
So, Justin Bieber,
there is something I have always wanted to ask you.
Like, what is your favorite album,
and what is Canada like, and do you speak Canadian,
and does Usher have to seat people at his own concerts
because he's an usher,
and do you really never say never,
and have you gone through puberty?
-All I have to say to that is, uh, wink, chin.
-Now, Justin, you recently released a 3-D movie
about your life called "Never Say Never,"
which is really cool 'cause I just made my own 3-D movie
about my life and how I got started,
and let's see a clip.
-Is she awake? Hey, Miley.
How is my little angel baby?
-Oh, my God.
This is, like, so insightful because I'm just a baby,
but I'm already, like, so talented and stuff like that,
and this is, like, supercool home-video footage,
and this is all so goo-goo, ga-ga...
in 3-D.
[ Laughter ]
So, that's the clip. What did you think?
-I thought it was pretty cool.
I mean, uh -- [ Clears throat ]
You know, it -- it was cool.
-Well, that's our show, everybody.
Come on, Justin. Hit it, dad.
-♪ I got guests and a show ♪
♪ And we're ready to go ♪
♪ So I guess that's pretty cool ♪
♪ It's pretty cool ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Film projector clicking ]
♪♪
-Hey, y'all. It's "The Miley Cyrus Show"
with me, Miley Cyrus.
♪ I got guests and a show ♪
♪ And I'm ready to go ♪
♪ So I guess that's pretty cool ♪
♪ It's pretty cool ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Shell-o. It's Miley, y'all.
So, this is like my show where I, like, talk to people
who are pretty cool.
And, well, I talk about things I think are pretty cool.
And, yeah, it's pretty cool.
Heading up the Miley Cyrus Band over here,
we've got my dad, Billy Ray Cyrus.
-Miley, you are an absolute sunshine.
It is just nuts how special you are.
You are like God's gift.
-Okay, dad. Thank you.
Okay. So, now I'm going to do, like,
my comedy monologue.
So, I don't know if y'all saw,
but, like, there's a study that, like,
only 5% of French people go to the gym.
So, I thought that was pretty funny because, like, 5% --
that's a pretty small number of people going to the gym.
[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
So, that's my monologue. I thought it was pretty funny.
-[ Laughs ] [ Laughter ]
Oh, baby, you are hi-larious.
You're like a pretty little George Lopez.
-Okay. So, my guest tonight
is a really serious actor and stuff like that --
and now I'm a serious actress and all that.
So, this will be pretty cool.
Please give a big shell-o to Johnny Depp!
♪♪
Okay, cool, cool.
Okay. So, Johnny Depp,
you play a creepy guy a lot, which I think is pretty cool.
-Uh, yes, I enjoy exploring some, uh --
some darker characters.
-Yeah, me, too. So, I've...
[ Laughter ]
I've been a fan of yours going, like, all the way back --
like all the way back to "Willy Wonka."
[ Laughter ] And there's -- there's something
that I've always wanted to ask you.
Like, how do you pick out which movies you're going to do,
and, like, what's your favorite movie you ever did?
And, like, what's your favorite role you ever did?
And, like, who's your best friend?
And, like, how tall are you?
And, like, what eyeliner do you wear?
And, like, are you American?
-Wow, that's kind of a lot to process.
-[ Chuckles ] Look out, Depp.
My baby girl wants some answers. She's coming to get them!
-Dad...
-You make me smile.
-So, Johnny Depp, like, what is your next movie
that's coming out?
-Actually, Tim Burton and I
are working on a haunting adaptation of "Goodnight, Moon."
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, that's pretty cool.
So, like, let's roll the clip.
-Oh, I didn't bring a clip.
-No, it's a clip from my movie.
I think you're going to like it
'cause it's, like, really dramatic.
Let's roll that clip!
-When you miss me, just think of that old oak tree
out in the yard
and remember my promise.
-This is so sad because, like, you're my boyfriend,
and, like, we just fell in love and stuff like that.
And it's, like, so dramatic
'cause you're going off to war and stuff like that.
And this is just, like, so not cool.
♪♪
So, that was, like, pretty cool, right?
Okay. Well, that's our show.
I thought it was pretty cool.
-Is that it? I flew here from the South of France.
-Oh, my God. I love France.
Did you know that only, like,
5% of French people go to the gym?
[ Laughs ]
Remember that? It was from my monologue.
It was pretty funny.
Well, thanks for watching, y'all.
Come on, dad, let's hit it.
♪ I got guests and a show ♪
♪ And we're ready to go ♪
♪ So I guess that's pretty cool ♪
♪ It's pretty cool ♪ -Cool!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Hey, y'all. It's "The Miley Cyrus Show"
with me, Miley Cyrus!
♪ I got guests ♪
♪ And a show ♪
♪ And I'm ready to go ♪
♪ So I guess that's pretty cool ♪
♪ It's pretty cool ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Shell-o! It's Miley, y'all!
So, this is, like, my show where I, like, talk to people
who are pretty cool, and we'll, like, talk about things
I think are pretty cool. Like, yeah, it's pretty cool!
Heading up the Miley Cyrus Band over here,
we've got my dad -- Billy Ray Cyrus!
[ Laughing ] Hi! Hey, Miley!
It's an honor to share the stage with my baby girl!
-Thanks, Dad!
Okay! So, like, I thought I'd do something new
in my comedy monologue this week.
So, this is my little sister Smiley,
and she's gonna help me with my comedy monologue.
Hey, Smiley! did you know that the average American woman
spends 20 hours doing holiday shopping?
20 hours?! That's, like, a full day!
That's crazy!
I know! It's crazy, right?
That was me doing the voice of Smiley, y'all!
She's not my sister. She's actually a puppet.
-[ Laughs ]
Oh, you had me fooled, Sweetie!
I talked to Smiley for a half-hour backstage!
[ Laughs ] I thought she was just shy!
-Dad? Shnock it off!
Okay! So, as y'all probably heard, I'm sexy now!
So, we're gonna do a segment now
where we show pictures of me being sexy.
Like, here's one of me getting steamy with a male model.
[ Laughter ]
Here's one of me doing, like, a sexy, flirty wink.
[ Laughter ]
Here's one of me doing a sexy pose with a snake,
like Britney Spears!
[ Laughter ]
And here's me as Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct"!
[ Laughter ]
That's pretty sexy, right!
-Whooooo! My little girl's growing up!
-So, my guest tonight is a very sexy lady, just like me!
So, please, give a big shell-o to Katie Holmes!
[ Cheers and applause ]
So, Katie Holmes, You used to be on a show
called "Dawson's Creek" back in the 1900s.
[ Laughter ]
So that must have been pretty cool.
-Oh, it was... [ Sighs ]
great! And my character, Joey,
was such a joy to play.
On the surface, she just seemed like another cute, popular girl,
but... [ Sighs ]
[ Laughter ]
...beneath it, she was this incredibly complicated
and intelligent woman.
Yeah! Like me!
So, there is something I've always wanted to ask you --
Like, how did you transition into doing more adult roles,
and, like, what's the sexiest role you've ever done,
and, like, how many boys have you kissed on screen,
and, like, Who's your best friend, and, like,
who's Tom Cruise's best friend,
and why does your baby wear high heels,
and what does Jesus think of Scientology?
[ Laughter ]
-Wow! That is such an interesting array of...
complex questions.
-Whoo-hoo-hoo! Great job, baby!
You're like a pretty little Regis! [Chuckles]
-Dad!
-Hey, hey, you're my role model.
-So, Katie Holmes, you played Batman's girlfriend
in the first ever "Batman" movie in 2005,
which is pretty cool, 'cause I just auditioned
to play his girlfriend in the next "Batman" movie.
So, like, do you want to see my screen test?
-Uh, sure, okay.
-Okay, let's roll that clip!
-We need to get out of here! This whole place is gonna blow!
-Oh...my...God!
This is so scary and suspenseful and stuff like that.
And I'm in, like, all this danger, and stuff like that.
And you're, like, Batman, so you're kind of like a bat,
and you're kind of like a hot guy,
so it's, like, really sexy, and it's really scary,
and it's really suspenseful, and I might die.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-So, what do you think!
-Yeah. There's a lot of...
[ Breathing shakily ]
[ Panting ]
...interesting complexity there.
-[ Crying ] And the Oscar goes to my baby girl!
I mean, you melt my heart, my achy-breaky heart!
-Well, that's our show! My thanks to Katie Holmes!
-[ Softly ] Thank you. The pleasure was...
[ Breathing shakily ]
-Okay! Thanks for watching, y'all!
Come on, Dad! Let's do our song!
-Yeah-ah!
-♪ I got guests and a show ♪
♪ And we're ready to go ♪
♪ So I guess that's pretty cool ♪
-♪ It's pretty cool ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]